Can’t say it to those close to you? Come say it here. Judgement free zone.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

I’ve 4 grown kids. They are all here for Christmas. Ds1 is going home today. I can’t wait. (Of all of them hardest to get on with, hates his brother-it’s mutual. He’s a lazy git.) I’ll be able to relax when he’s gone.
I am also looking forward to dh being in work tomorrow so me and Dd can sprawl on sofa watching shite.
I also hate Christmas cooking.

@ChefWifeLife Oh bless you. Thank you. It's a family joke, a countdown to me crying when they leave 😊 when most friends can't wait for theirs to leave I want mine to stay forever 😂

Been abandoned, I’m sick and my kids sick with covid, since just before Xmas, single parent, my family haven’t even bothered to call to check
On us, friends gettng on with own Xmas and colleagues too. Nobody has bothered with us. No cards or gifts delivered. It’s been eye opening. I drove and took cards and gifts to everyone but now they’ve all said they can’t bring to us because of covid. We’ve about used supplies of bread / milk but do have other foods to eat. I really can’t believe it. Even colleagues iv done shopping for when they and husbands were sick haven’t bothered to even text. Next Xmas will be much cheaper because I won’t be bothering with any of them. My family sucks and so it seems to friends and colleagues.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel 😂 I hope my boys grow into the kind of young men I’m crying about when they leave. Your post made me feel really grateful.

@Babdoc

This thread must have been very cathartic for all the poor MNers who have had a tough Christmas for a variety of reasons - mainly ghastly relatives. I just wanted to send a hug to each of you, and suggest that you start planning now for how you want next Christmas to be. Don’t passively accept being walked all over by these dreadful relatives, because you feel an obligation to be a polite host. Think about the sort of Christmas you want, and put plans in place to achieve that. It might mean booking a cottage miles away from the people you detest, with no room for them to stay. Or laying down some ground rules about interference in catering arrangements, or banning certain topics of conversation. Or having some assertiveness training so you can stand up to offensive MILs! Whatever you need to do to make your next Christmas a happy one - go for it. My prayers and best wishes for success.

I have already planned this in my head. Xmas Eve me DH and DC's, then up and relax Xmas morning just us, table booked at a pub near my parents house (about an hour's drive away), go there and meet parents for dinner (they are polite, civilised, respectful non intrusive and helpful, all the things mil and bil aren't). Then back to theirs to stay the night in their massive house, I will bring stuff with me to do an evening buffet so they're not doing it all. Dh can either join if bil picks up the slack and has mil but if not DH will need to go over to hers, alone, and cook for her/take her out. I'm going to spend it peacefully with my parents, they are getting old and I want to enjoy time with them whilst they're still here. And that includes a happy, peaceful, stress free Xmas. They've invited mil themselves before but due to how she is it was just too much hard work for them emotionally and physically. As I said quite politely to DH boxing Day morning, I knew his family were different from mine but I didn't sign up to decades of this.

I can't wait for OH to go back to work. Sick of his moaning and threatening to leave (yet doesn't as he spends all his money on his adult son, fags or booze). Nothing is ever his fault, everyone else gets the blame for everything

DH you’re a lazy buttcrack, you didn’t offer to help once this Christmas.
You’re also ungrateful when people buy you things you didn’t specifically request. And you didn’t shop for anyone else off list. Such a bore.

I am sad...I feel I bought into a dream and I am the only one paying for it. No one cares.
I want out & to disappear...

But I don't. As my kids watch my actions. I keep going.

I’d like to say to my friends and family - why do you always let me down? Since I was a child? I do so much for you and you do nothing for me and my children. Why is it assumed I must look after everyone, give everything and receive nothing. I have nothing and go without everything even the basics. Do you think that’s ok??

I wish my brother hadn't been there for Christmas. We get on okay but are not close. He had his puppy with him so we spent the whole time trying to stop him breaking stuff, or eating presents, chocolate, nuts, everyone's food, jumping on the table etc etc. The dog also kept jumping on people. The adults and older two kids didn't mind this too much but the youngest child was a bit scared of the claws and it felt like he was on edge the whole time.
My brother also has a very short temper and made my youngest son cry by shouting about something insignificant. And he is also quite tight, and rubbish at sorting out presents, so only gave the kids £5 voucher each (on Boxing Day as he forgot to sort it before) and nothing to DH and I. I gave his son (away with his mum) £20, and also gave my brother some small gifts.
Finally, we were supposed to provide parts of the meal each, and I ended up buying and making half of what he was supposed to be doing. It wasn't a big deal but just symptomatic of how shit he is at pulling his weight.
Really hope he finds somewhere else to be next year (my kids and I really do enjoy being at my mums)

And to my kids- I’m sorry I’ve been so sick and you’ve been so sick and our family let us down. I’m sorry there were no parties, no loving grandmas and grandads, no dad, no aunties or uncles doting on you. I’m sorry there was only a little under the tree and that I feel I’ve let you down. I’m sorry life is tough and your mum isn’t always the happy mum you deserve. I’m so proud of you, for pulling together with me, for helping in your little ways, for looking after me and each other. For trying to see the bigger picture and being amazing little people. I am proud more than You know

Where do I start???!!!! As per every year my brother gets swamped with gifts off my mum. I know for a fact my mum bought him a coat which cost £200 and some £60 aftershave. I got 6 pairs of knickers and a jumper. Try not to take it personally!!

Spent all of Christmas Day morning listening to sly digs about me not opting to have dinner with them. I vowed 5 years ago never to eat Christmas dinner with the family after I observed my dad and brother fighting on Christmas Day because my brother got drunk and obnoxious.

DS1 is 16 and has sulked since Christmas Eve as his gf tested positive so is in isolation.

I have the most miserable sister in law. Didn’t even wish us merry Christmas when we visited on Christmas Day. MIL made Christmas dinner. DH and I did all the cleaning up, she never lifted a finger. We made puddings and other things to make it easier for MIL. Sis in law did nothing.

Today I tested positive for Covid. Sent sis in law a message out of courtesy. All I received back was a response talking about how put out she was that she would now need to test!

Child 1 is now sulking as we’ve had to cancel NYE party.

2021 can just do one!

I can’t tell anyone that I think this is mum’s last Christmas. I keep having panic attacks about losing her. She has ovarian cancer but family’s way of coping is to be perpetually optimistic but I know the medical reality.

Yes sil I know our premature triplets have a language delay and SEN...i have taken them to like a squillion appointments in the last 6 years and yes your younger child's speech is better but NO I don't need your parenting advice thanks very much.

@Wobblypig that is so sad. It must be so difficult for you. Puts my moaning into perspective.

You are a selfish arsehole. Thought your behaviour couldn’t Get any worse. Refusing to take a test, refusing to leave my parents house so no one else can visit now as you are sick. Expecting them to wait on you hand and foot and you won’t take a fucking Covid test. You’re nearly 40. Grow the fuck up and think of someone but yourself for a change.

Dear M (92 and lives in New Zealand), I am so fed up with ringing you every other day (the cost is exorbitant) only for the whole conversation to be a list of your ailments (I have ME and am currently in bed, while my cousin tells me you are fine) and told how you just want to die.
I’m pissed off that every December you tell me not to buy you a Christmas present because you have everything you need, then a day or two before the last posting to New Zealand, you ask, Can I be cheeky and ask for X? when X is always something difficult to source, that weighs a ton and costs tens of pounds to send airmail.
Also, I was pissed off this year when you told me that your stepdaughter [after M’s money] had arrived at 9am on Christmas Day and said, ‘You shouldn’t have to spend Christmas Day alone,’ and that you constantly guilt-trip me about not being with you when the New Zealand government won’t let me into the country. And then later in the same conversation you told me that you had to spend Christmas Day alone, and your only pleasure was to go out in the grounds of the care home and feed the ducks because ‘that’s what I’m reduced to now’.
Some of us still have their memories intact.
I could go on, but frankly you’re not listening….
[Just as well, MNers and thank you OP for the chance to vent a little. Merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you all]

Here’s mine:
I’m so pleased that you’ve all gone home and that will be the absolute last time any of you will be joining us for Christmas.

That feels better!

A very rough 4 months, DH in a psychiatric hospital and returned home 7 days before my mum and his parents arrived. We haven’t seen any of them for over 2 years because we live abroad. I put so much effort into everything, made stockings for them, lots of different food including 3 ‘julebords’, their behavior was terrible.

Not one of them could put a plate or cup into the dishwasher, my mum couldn’t stop day in day out gushing about my older brother and his son (school success, sports etc etc etc) MIL kept getting drunk then having digs about our son, showing absolute favouritism to our toddler daughter, arguments and niggling between M and MIL.

But the worst, was that despite all of the Skype calls beforehand about “you must be exhausted, we’re so worried about you” etc etc, not one of them M, MIL or FIL made me or offered to make me a single drink in over 10 days.

I have never experienced such rudeness and ungratefulness. I would never dream of treating anyone this way. What is so hard about being nice, saying thank you and putting a fucking cup in the dishwasher.

Also, DH stop being so bloody negative about everything and actually join in with some family stuff.
Couldn't be arsed to get up and watch the kids open their presents. Reluctant to play family games, whinging about staying at my parents as he has "so many jobs to do".
Kids are 11, 13 and 15 so already Xmas not as exciting as it used to be, could do without his negativity.

Oh and nevermind the fact that my DS, DD and DH all came down with chicken pox on day 3 of their stay, we still had to sleep on the sofa.

At least I now know very clearly where we stand.

To my abusive gaslighting ex, you thought you could mistreat us forever, each Xmas my mind wanders back to those years, do you think of the children you abandoned then were banned from seeing. You almost destroyed me physically and emotionally but now, on my darkest days you give me reason to smile. I smile knowing you lost me, our children, your home. Whatever we have is better than you have. I hope you’re miserable and I’ve a feeling you will be - you are a demon in my darkness that reminds me every Xmas of just what wonders I have

I dread to think what medical stuff I’m going to put up with this year, I hope in a way there is something really wrong then you’ll have something to moan about. You sit and vape then it’s off to the bathroom for a smoke I really don’t care anymore.

I hate my IL’s. They’re nice people really but I hate them. I hate it when they visit. I hate it when they ring. I hate the way they ask questions that are none of their bloody business. I hate the way they poke about my house. I hate the way they speak to my children and constantly pull them about and hang onto their clothes. I hate the way they can’t understand the commands for the dog and insist on telling him something he doesn’t understand. I hate the way they buy gifts we specifically ask that they don’t (large plastic crap). I hate the expectation they put on my kids to behave like neurotypical kids. I hate the way they ruined strictly for me for being homophobic twats. I hate the way they bring it up in my house infront of my kids who have been raised to just enjoy the dancing including two men dancing together. I hate the way I’m asked who our Xmas cards are from when they don’t recognise a name. I hate the way they refuse to understand that my daughter has a milk allergy yet talk very knowledgeably about Dnephew who’s gluten intolerant. I hate the way they say “oh he’s forgotten me” about my 4 year old who saw them 3 weeks ago because he doesn’t want to be their dancing monkey this week. I hate the way they tell me that my house is so loud and how do I cope. I hate the way she asks my DH what he earns every time they visit. I hate the way they refuse to acknowledge/understand that I work. I hate the way they give £ as a gift then tell us what to spend it on. I hate the way my DH who is plenty assertive is not able to tell them to FO when their behaviour is unreasonable.

I love this thread and think it should be a weekly thing!

I have been on my own since 22nd december. No one calling me or messaging me to wish me the best for the season, no responses to the messages i sent, same every single year. I just wish i had friends or could repair the relationships with my family.

I think my sister in law in is a selfish pain in the ass. And my father in law just talks at you to the extent i now just sometimes walk away while he's talking.

I love Christmas but why oh why do DH’s family keep pestering us to stay the night with them when they live a 20 min car drive away? I like the comfort of my own home and bed but they pressure us each year then question us when we politely decline. I have a 2 year old who does not sleep, even worse when he’s not at home. I wish they would just piss off.