Page 11 | Can’t say it to those close to you? Come say it here. Judgement free zone.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 2021-12-27T10:22:35+00:00

I’ve 4 grown kids. They are all here for Christmas. Ds1 is going home today. I can’t wait. (Of all of them hardest to get on with, hates his brother-it’s mutual. He’s a lazy git.) I’ll be able to relax when he’s gone. I am also looking forward to dh being in work tomorrow so me and Dd can sprawl on sofa watching shite. I also hate Christmas cooking.

Holothane · 28/12/2021 18:13

Good mine are ready too just waiting for pension so can finally start saving .

Nomorefuckstogive · 28/12/2021 18:13

Loved our smallish Christmas Day (5 of us.) Was going to have SIL over, but she is a close Covid contact, so won’t risk it. Relieved. Also, can’t wait for DH to be back in work, so I can have a single day to myself, before I have to go back to my place of work.

GreekOlive · 28/12/2021 18:15

Thanks for this…

Here goes:

You may do what you need to do to protect your mental health. But by doing that, you’re killing mine. All I do is put up with your choices. I have no say.
Your decisions are weird and unhealthy.
I hope things get better next year as my patience is hanging by a thread.

and breathe…

OhThatChicken · 28/12/2021 18:17

@Middleagedspreadisreal

I envy you your situations. My husband and I have just spent a fourth xmas alone & it's not nice not to be invited anywhere & all adult children doing their own thing or being with in-laws. Be careful what you wish for.

Did Santa bring you empathy for Christmas?

This thread is literally full of people who know they can't say these things to the people close to them. They're (we're) saying it here so they don't upset or cause ructions with the people they're surrounded by. The thread title literally has 'judgement free zone' in it.

I'm sorry you had a tough and lonely Christmas though.

Strangeways19 · 28/12/2021 18:21

@BillyAndTheSillies sounds a bit like my family. My parents haven't spoken to us on the insistence of my DD for about 3 years, don't speak to my other adult children either. My DM is the boss of my DD Anyway the thing I've not been able to say is that I miss my DD. I shouldn't because he's not treated me great, but I do.
Very sad when families fall out like this.

Strangeways19 · 28/12/2021 18:23

@BillyAndTheSilliesi meant that they don't talk to my other adult children, we do & I think we're lucky to have good relationships with them

mumoftinyterrors · 28/12/2021 18:25

I hate my selfish bitch of a sister and wish I never had to see her or her brat of a kid again.

Thisisawfuliknow · 28/12/2021 18:29

NC for this because I am aware how dreadful I sound. Not going into the whole backstory, because there is over 40 years of it for me, and longer for my DH.
This christmas has been one of the best we've had. Because MIL is no longer around to constantly do or say things deliberately hurt my lovely DH. And her last, spiteful act towards DH left him completely broken. The way she treated our dc's was disgusting. One of my dcs, after MILs funeral, was heard to say ' she sounded like such a lovely person - I wish I had known her'.
I'm not sorry you died. It has released my dh from any obligation to you. You were a nasty human being, and the lies you told to justify your treatment of dh and dcs makes you even lower. Thankfully, dh found the courage to let his siblings know, and with proof, so now the rest of your family know the truth.

Overtired201984 · 28/12/2021 18:30

Mine is a rant …. People taking unnecessary or stupid questions , like over nothing , to fill a gap , to fill a silence ,

“is your tea dark enough , do you want the door shut , shall I turn the light off , where shall I put this ? “

All family!

Since I have a toddler I love silence ! You don’t appreciate it when you can pick when you have it.

I Literally find people just don’t ever shut the fuck up ….. ever .

Overtired201984 · 28/12/2021 18:32

@Overtired201984

Mine is a rant …. People taking unnecessary or stupid questions , like over nothing , to fill a gap , to fill a silence ,

“is your tea dark enough , do you want the door shut , shall I turn the light off , where shall I put this ? “

All family!

Since I have a toddler I love silence ! You don’t appreciate it when you can pick when you have it.

I Literally find people just don’t ever shut the fuck up ….. ever .

I meant talking ….. clearly I should shut up and learn to spell 🤣

NightandViolets · 28/12/2021 18:33

My parents tested positive for Covid on Christmas morning. I was worried sick about them and sad that we weren’t going to get to see them. Went to in-laws as per plans and they didn’t once ask me how my parents were, acted all merry and happy and treated DD7 like a baby (look how much dinner you’re eating! What a good girl, here’s a present meant for three year olds, etc). I had a panic attack as was so worried and the heating was cranked up. They didn’t once ask me if I was ok.

MothralovesGojira · 28/12/2021 18:37

@Middleagedspreadisreal

Thanks for that. I regularly suffer EA from my partner and having a child with medical and MH issues has made me grit my teeth and put up with it until I could A) get a job & B) save money to move on. My partner will be you in a few years wondering why he's on his own at Christmas because he EA's DD too and all she's learned from me is how to walk on egg shells and bite her lip. Perhaps you would like to explain why you have to spend Christmas on your own because your comments have actually upset me.

Overtired201984 · 28/12/2021 18:39

@CharityDingle

I enjoy my own company, so am almost peopled out by now. Looking forward to getting back home at this stage. Tomorrow beckons...

I am so the same here , love my own company , people are too peopley and drive me mad .

gettingolderandgrumpy · 28/12/2021 18:41

@Middleagedspreadisreal

I envy you your situations. My husband and I have just spent a fourth xmas alone & it's not nice not to be invited anywhere & all adult children doing their own thing or being with in-laws. Be careful what you wish for.

Have you invited them round ?

TinselTottyTart · 28/12/2021 18:45

@Thisisawfuliknow

No it isn't. I am so glad you had a good Christmas. I had a argument with my sister last night. Your late MIL and my sister sound very similar. I woke up and never want to see the old cow again. Enjoy your new life.

eyeslikebutterflies · 28/12/2021 18:46

BIL, when you asked me if I'd had a 'good' 2021, and I looked shocked, and said, no, not really. When you then asked me to 'ok, name ONE thing that was good about 2021', what I should have said - instead of swallowing back the tears and yammering on about a holiday to be polite - was this:

Well, the one good thing was that my beautiful, darling boy didn't die. And that by the time we managed to get him into hospital (after a fight with the GP) we narrowly avoided DKA and time in the HDU, and 'just' had a long stay and two life-changing, incurable disease diagnoses. Yeah, THAT was the good thing. The rest? Well, you clearly don't want to know, seeing as you asked not one single question about your nephew over Christmas, how he was, and how he was coping (not well, if you were at all interested).

Your behaviour has been staggeringly hurtful - he's your fucking nephew and you never even fucking called us after his life was tipped upside down. I thought seeing him at Xmas might bring it home to you what his life is now like but, nope. Poor kid used to adore you. Still, what they say about finding out who your friends (and family) are when shit things happen is true. I'd just never have thought you wouldn't be in it with us - but you're not. Not then, and not fucking now.

Twobigsapphires · 28/12/2021 18:46

Omg I love this thread.

I fucking hate Xmas. What I really want to do with my 2 weeks off work (lucky that my work place shuts for 2 weeks so essentially free holiday but means I have no choice not to be at work) is to go on bloody holiday.

I hate that I spend 2 whole days hosting and come what may for various reasons end up hardly eating.The house is permanently a mess and as it’s so bloody wet the dogs keep treading mud in the house every 5 mins.

I have so much food in the house I have no idea what to do with it. I feel fat and lethargic.

Eldest dc is back from uni. It was nice to have him back for 10 mins then he was piquant me off. He’s been hardly here as either at his gf or working in a pub so has barely ate any of the food I have bought in for him. When he is here is is either drunk, asleep or winding his siblings up. He hasn’t helped one bit and bought me the shittest gift despite buying nice thoughtful gifts for everyone else.Teenage dd is hormonal and has had 3 fall outs with friends already this holiday. She stressing about her exams and is moping about being a martyr with her revision. Youngest just wants to play PlayStation all day and moans when I ask him to leave the house.

I hate that my sister (who I adore btw) has lovely inlaws and she goes off to theirs Xmas day for 3 days and has a perfect family Xmas. I have barely any contact with my mum and dad so generally feel quite lonely.
Dh is happy to crash in front of the tv and drink brandy all week but I am bored! Ds’s uni fees are making life financially tough for us this year so can’t afford to do much. The weather has been non stop rain so no nice relaxing dog walks. Even the dogs look fucked off and bored with Turkey scraps.

Also, I hate new year. I’m dreading New Year’s Eve. Ds will crawl in god knows what time. I’ve agreed for dd to have a small gathering at ours in our summer house. I just want to be somewhere hot, quiet and relaxing!

Jconnais1chansonquivavsenerver · 28/12/2021 18:47

@Middleagedspreadisreal

I envy you your situations. My husband and I have just spent a fourth xmas alone & it's not nice not to be invited anywhere & all adult children doing their own thing or being with in-laws. Be careful what you wish for.

I apologize in advance if I have got you wrong, @Middleagedspreadisreal, but I feel your post comes over as if you might have brought your loneliness at Christmas onto yourselves. Have you offered to host or have you expected to be invited?

maybloss2 · 28/12/2021 18:50

My house has been taken over by my partners grown up sons, two stepsons, one wife and a child. Not happy with having taken over the house,They want to use my workshop to play Dungeons & Dragons. My partner said no. Thank goodness.
I spent Christmas with my youngest daughter her partner & new baby after being at my brothers death bed and subsequent funeral. I’m now at home Ill. It’s been a shit month apart from the respite at my daughters and I just want to vegetate at home. I want them to go away.

MissConductUS · 28/12/2021 18:56

Both DS and DD are home from uni. It's lovely to have them home, but DS seems to think that dirty dishes left in the sink and around the kitchen will be washed by elves. He also came home with a mountain of dirty laundry that it took me two days to wash.

It's still lovely to have him home.

ChefWifeLife · 28/12/2021 19:02

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel my word I wish you were my parent. I’m sure your DC are very lucky to have you. X

Bertiebiscuit · 28/12/2021 19:05

All you poor married women need to book yourselves a holiday for Xmas 2022, just tell everyone you are going away on your own to find some peace - go to a hotel with a spar, or on a Buddhist or Christian retreat, a cheap European city trip ........ Anything where you can escape your nightmare families

professionalnomad · 28/12/2021 19:12

No mum for the eighth time you dont have covid. Its a cold.

I actually do have covid. As does my husband. And we have a 9 month old. aAd we travelled from abroad and are now stuck with my in- laws who are also fitghting covid.

How can this possibly be about you and how hard your life is?

Babdoc · 28/12/2021 19:14

This thread must have been very cathartic for all the poor MNers who have had a tough Christmas for a variety of reasons - mainly ghastly relatives.
I just wanted to send a hug to each of you, and suggest that you start planning now for how you want next Christmas to be.
Don’t passively accept being walked all over by these dreadful relatives, because you feel an obligation to be a polite host. Think about the sort of Christmas you want, and put plans in place to achieve that.
It might mean booking a cottage miles away from the people you detest, with no room for them to stay. Or laying down some ground rules about interference in catering arrangements, or banning certain topics of conversation. Or having some assertiveness training so you can stand up to offensive MILs!
Whatever you need to do to make your next Christmas a happy one - go for it. My prayers and best wishes for success.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 28/12/2021 19:16

My God, some people on here have had a hell of a time of it. And described some truly awful male behaviour too. I am sorry for you all. I had a relatively peaceful time just with DH and cat. And DH does all the cooking! I am lucky I know. But I was in hospital for 3 days earlier in December!