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Original poster

Would you expect to provide all alcohol over Christmas for your young adult children?

185 replies

MacNTosh · 21/12/2021 18:11

DC’s all at Uni are home for Christmas and it’s lovely to have them all here, but I’m feeling a little miffed about them drinking any booze we get in ie. bottle of gin was drunk in one night, I had two drinks they drank the rest. Dh and I have cut down the amount we drink over the last couple of years which has coincided with the dcs being older/going to Uni. I can’t work out if I’m being a bit miserable and should just accept that they’re enjoying not having to live on a budget at home and just let it go or if they should be getting their own drinks at this age.

Christmas Day/Boxing Day will be covered as various family members are all bringing wine etc as are we.

They have part time jobs so have money in theory although one has spent everything this month.

What do you think?
A. It’s Christmas, they’re students, provide all the booze
B. They should buy their own some of the time

OP posts:
SockFluffInTheBath · 21/12/2021 23:25

I’d be inclined to stock up from Aldi and hide the posh stuff. If they’re just going to pour it down their necks and not appreciate it then it’s literally a waste of money giving them a £40 bottle.

nomoneytreehere · 21/12/2021 23:52

Reap what you sow op, for now and the next 40 years. Don't begrudge your kids anything like that, how wonderful they are having a great time!

My parents were uber generous. I grew up to be the same.

FinallyFluid · 22/12/2021 00:08

We started a little cocktail/spirits area in the kitchen in the first lockdown because oh what fun ( if only we had known) Shock DS then 19 set up himself up as Tom Cruise.

The agreement was it was only for weekends, DS started trying to cane it, so I poured it all down the sink about £150 worth of spirits and cocktail additions.

I refused to replace it for weeks, then I said I was thinking of adding a bottle of Moderation gin in the basket, are you capable of drinking moderation ? Yes came the reply....

Ever since he will say, anyone up for a moderation G&T or can I mix a moderate cocktail... Grin

We generally have beer in the fridge for him, but make it very clear it is our treat and not a food group. Grin

AlwaysLatte · 22/12/2021 00:18

A all the way! It's nice to spoil them a little when they're home.

Yuledo · 22/12/2021 00:28

They buy their own for taking out to parties etc, but I’ll buy for at home consumption. I’d not hesitate to earmark my favourites or expensive stuff that they shouldn’t touch, though.

LAMPS1 · 22/12/2021 02:15

It’s reasonable to offer them a couple of beers and a glass of wine with dinner to be sociable with them as young adults. But I would have found it very bad manners if my sons had stayed up finishing off a bottle of gin by themselves.

missnevermind · 22/12/2021 02:53

I would like to have it all here at home for them on tap to have whenever they liked but we could not afford that.
I would keep them well supplied with beer no problem. Plenty of wine too but only the cheap stuff. A few bottles of supermarket Gin vodka and whisky.
But I would make it clear that MY wine and MY gin were off limits. Also MY juice and chocolates were only for me.
Any alcohol to be consumed off the premises I would expect them to buy themselves.

alongwayhome · 22/12/2021 07:07

I think it depends on your financial situation - if you can afford to do it, and they're on a budget, great. If not, you need to agree a limit!

We have provided all the booze for Christmas but DD is providing lunch, and DS is buying cheese so they are chipping in.

Missey85 · 22/12/2021 07:16

Their Adults they can buy their own booze isn't your job maybe some wine but anything else they can bring

cloudtree · 22/12/2021 07:29

They’re away at school (university). They haven’t left home.

Even once they have their own houses though and are properly living independently I would expect my children to feel comfortable enough to help themselves. However I appreciate fully that this might be different if things were tight financially.

RaininSummer · 22/12/2021 07:51

Bit of each here. They tend to make cocktails so demolish certain things but bring some particular spirits I may not have. I am actually just pleased that at 30 ish they still enjoy Christmas with me.

Abraxan · 22/12/2021 07:57

A

We only have the one, but I don't expect her to pay for any of her own food and drink consumed within our home.
Besides, all the mo et she gets is either student loan (which goes towards her rent) or more et we give her - so we pay regardless!

We wouldn't expect her to drink all the expensive bottles/brands without checking, as that's common courtesy esp as st this time of year for both me and dh some of it is gifts we've received. However, we'd be unlikely to refuse.

A full bottle of gin would depend on how many people were sharing it really.

We do provide alcohol when Dd has friends over too, etc. dh always ensures there is some cheaper bottles in to pass over, lol!

liveforsummer · 22/12/2021 07:57

Im sore they are just catching up together and won't drink that much every night however if I could afford it I'd 10% provide. Maybe buy yourself a nice bottle and hide and supply cheaper stuff for their free access booze

Mo819 · 22/12/2021 07:58

My mum and dad wouldn't hear of me contributing even as a married woman with 3 kids .

ButtonSister · 22/12/2021 07:59

B - definitely B

ElftonWednesday · 22/12/2021 08:07

I can't recall my parents ever having that much in and just sharing wine with my mum. I didn't really drink at home much at that age, other than when we were having a couple of drinks before going out. We mostly drank in pubs and bars and I'd go out a couple of times a week.

SarahBennettAdvice1978 · 22/12/2021 08:10

If they each drink £50 worth of booze, reduce their Christmas present spend by £50. Thus you are in the same financial position when they go back to uni.

Whitefire · 22/12/2021 08:11

B. If they want alcohol then they can buy it.

PersonaNonGarter · 22/12/2021 08:13

A - obviously

But hide anything special.

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 22/12/2021 08:23

Surely it entirely depends on finances?

If your parents are really hard up then of course you're not going to expect them to keep buying bottles of booze for you. You'd be trying to contribute as much as you could to lighten the load. If you have grown up in a privileged household where there was always plenty to go around then it makes total sense that you WOULD expect your parents to get booze in for you.

In summary - if you can afford it then it seems really stingey and mean not to provide plenty of booze. If you can't afford it, then it seems really entitled and rude of your adult children to drink all your booze.

Seasidemumma77 · 22/12/2021 08:33

I'm on a very tight budget myself. Made it clear to all dc returning for Christmas that I will provide food for entire stay but they purchase their own drinks. I'm not putting myself in debt just so they can have fun.

HollowTalk · 22/12/2021 08:43

This assumes parents can afford to do that and implies they're being mean if they don't provide everything the kids want.

Adult children should weigh up cost and affordability before doing this.

HikingforScenery · 22/12/2021 09:14

Definitely yabu. It’s Christmas.

I’ve much younger children though and don’t really drink but I can’t imagine begrudging them drinks when they’re back for Christmas.

Although drinking a bottle of gin sounds like a lot of alcohol to put down into one’s body.

NeonChristmastree · 22/12/2021 09:27

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motheroflions · 22/12/2021 09:31

It depends whether you can freely afford it OP.

Its selfish to drink every thing. They are binge drinking and considering its a week long piss up.

I would defiantly be saying 'oi, dont be drinking all that!'