How do we deal with this gift?

[PAProblem]

I've NC as this is outing.
Short version: how do I deal with this passive aggressive gift?

Backstory. I'm the family black sheep, my DSiblings have always bullied, encouraged by my DParents.

When DH1 left me he saw DC for two years then DH met another woman and cut contact with DC. DC was devastated & acted out, nothing major, door slamming, being surly, grades slipped, took it out on me, etc.

DC is ok now, finished Uni, got a good job.

When DH2 met my family he was shocked and thought we should minimise contact, which is what I did anyway. *
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Some years ago my siblings and I agreed that we would do presents for the DCs only. I've always been in favour of this, I only have 1 DC & they all have 2 or more, so it's not like this works to my advantage! I was just going along to get along.

We were surprised that DB and SIL had sent presents to me & DH this year. Inside a large box was a homemade hamper each for me & DH.

DH's hamper is quite nice, beer, chocolates, books.

My hamper contains some books about dealing with difficult teens, being a better parent, how to lose weight (!) etc. Also some Poundland style cleaning products.

SIL is very Mrs Hinch. Fair enough, my house has always been clean, I don't go in for those homemade cleaning product storage drawers, but my house is fine.

Normally I don't have anything to do with my siblings apart from sending presents to their DCs.

Should I send a present back? How do I respond to this?

I agree with PPs, and you OP, it is about trying to get a reaction out of you. If I were you I would just leave by a local recycling collection site with a big note saying "duplicates, no room, free to a good home". Feeling you have to use all the products to be a good person ie concerned about waste may not be the solution, because every time you have to pick up one of them you will be filled with anger. Anyone would be. Use your own products good grief all of us buy and use the things we like thank you very much, nobody needs this sort of "I know best" gubbins. Absurd they are.

God what sad lives they must lead.

Please don’t give them any reaction, not even a thank you. Cut contact - you do not need people as pathetic as this in your life.

If I allowed my anger to get the better of me and If you have social media - I’d honestly choose to be passive aggressive and post a pic of the items asking if anyone would like them before you given them to charity!!!

I bet Christmas is fun in their house! :( What a spiteful thing to do. It would be so tempting to respond in kind with a nice box of colouring pens and book for the childish behaviour and a copy of ‘How to win friends and influence people”. Seriously though, this is not worth the effort. Thank your lucky stars you’re not them and laugh quietly at them. They’re clearly unhappy.

Thank her for the beers and children's gifts, but not yours. Suggest that gifts aren't bothered with next year, just spend the extra on your child. If you are friends on Facebook put them on marketplace described as unwanted gifts, free to a good home.

I’d send them this book!

Social Competence and Social Skills: A Theoretical and Practical Guide
1st ed. 2021 Edition1st ed. 2021 Edition

www.amazon.co.uk/Social-Competence-Skills-Theoretical-Practical-ebook/dp/B0946DV1TM/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=M1D6LRFBBJBE&keywords=book+social+competence&sprefix=book+social+competence%2Caps%2C138&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1640019789&sr=8-4

Take a picture of your hamper, post it on social media and tag them saying thank you.

What a spiteful and bitchy "gift".

Your number 1 new years resolution is to cut contact!!
If someone sent me a book on how to lose weight, I'd be shoving it sideways where the sun doesn't shine!!! Fuckers!!

Have a lovely Xmas and forget this lot!

Surely they don’t actually think that it’s appropriate! They are out for a reaction, but they don’t deserve one, they don’t even deserve a thank you or a second thought!
Send the children's gifts as planned. Thanks for your partner and DC gifts if necessary and be the adult.
If asked you could politely state that you did receive a rather childish joke hamper but didn’t feel it warranted a response of any sort. If pressed you could add that you are really surprised that your lack of a response should bother them so much.

Thank them by text. Deliver the bitch gifts to charity shop. Next summer, announce the new policy of no more gifts. " We all have so much, far more than we need. So DH, DS and I have decided to donate to charity instead"

Please don't rise to this OP, which would give them satisfaction. So no sending it back, no regifting, I wouldn't even bother to go out of your way to thank them. No snide remarks. Just don't refer to it, smile and grey rock. Just ignore it, and no more presents in future. Don't give them any, as agreed. Send the stuff to a charity shop.

I would also take a photo of it and put it on Facebook for everyone to see with a caption like 'thank you insert name for my thoughtful gift ❤️' and let them be rightfully mortified. Or pretend it never arrived and ask very innocently what it contained and let her bluster her way through having to tell you what an awful person she is to your face!

I wouldn’t respond at all- that’ll annoy them most if all. Privately with friends I’d make a game of seeing how mad they’ll be next year and then if you get some Baylis & Harding you’ll be disappointed but genuinely thrilled to get spot cream and charcoal undies!

I would charity shop it the books, but personally I think I’d like the satisfaction of binning them.

Then go no contact.

Or if I was going to rise to it (which I wouldn’t!) a super p.a card with a £50 tesco voucher saying thanks so much and they’ve been far too generous and they mustn’t overstretch themselves again- so many people go without to make Christmases like this happen for the wider family and it’s not gone unnoticed xoxoxo

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Do nothing.

Thank her for the gift and then forget about it.

She wants a reaction. Don’t give her one.

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I’d also suggest no exchanging gifts next year

I’d sweetly respond with awesome gifts, thank you,!

And leave it there.

Well that puts her on the naughty list. Ignore. Karma is such a female dog.

Given that you don’t see them I’d send one message early on Christmas morning “Merry Christmas, thanks for the gifts, have a great day” if DC is with you for Christmas I’d get them to message at the same time with their generic thanks and send a message that you’ve given the gifts/thanks exactly 14 seconds of your time and are moving on with your day. I wouldn’t respond to anything further from them on the day and would leave any response on one tick/unread.
I think not thanking/acknowledging them looks petty/like it’s fucked you off. They’re dicks though OP for sure, I’m glad you’re LC.

I'd say thank you very nicely just to piss them off, bullies hate it when you don't react the way they want. Then, what I couldn't use would go to a charity shop and I'd use the cleaning products. With the money saved on buying cleaning products I'd buy myself something nice like wine or chocolate.

Ignore, and she'll eventually burst and ask.

'Presents? Oh dear, no, we didn't receive anything! Oh what a shame - and I'm sure they were lovely too!'

Big encouraging smile.

Stupid, bitter twat!

In the opposite way that they are expecting as it has sent as bait.
I would be most gracious and delighted with the gift as this would likely be the reaction that would annoy them the most.

Send her a weight loss book

@Blossom64265

Do nothing. Send what you don’t want to charity. Write her a generic thank you note. Take the high road and do not give her the reaction she is hoping to achieve.

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