What's it like to be properly well off at Christmas?

[ImJustNotMeAnymore]

Just that really. We're not poor but not able to throw money around. There are things our children would like, such as new pc, gaming equipment, horse, car and so forth, that are out of the budget this year but they won't have nothing.

My question is for those who have bigger incomes and no money worries. What is it really like especially at Christmas?

Not budgeting is a key thing. So just going to the supermarket or online for food and having what you fancy. When the total appears at the end, you might be a bit surprised as it’s easy to spend a lot, but within 10 minutes, all thought if the cost has evaporated, because it’s not an issue.

Similar for kids presents or those for others. There’s no specific budget…either to make sure you do t exceed, or that you feel you must reach for a good Christmas to have been ‘given’ to a child or family member. Instead, the present for a parent could be £10 book they’d love, or equally a £200 sweater that you spotted and knew they would love. It isn’t about the money but something they’d like. Likewise, the kids might receive a new car or a wooden train set. The item is chosen for pleasure and what’s needed and enjoyed at the time, not with reference to price.

And people with plenty of money probably can’t tell you what they spend on Christmas….they simply haven’t totalled it up. If they thought about it, they might have an accurate sense of the total or be far off the mark. And there might well be items that they have totally forgotten spending on….the £300 ballet tickets they bought back in August, the Christmas spa day booked for early Dec and paid for in October, the meal they hosted in early Dec for a book group/running group/Mums group/NCT or whatever. They might have spent £100 at the school Christmas fete or putting together a charity Christmas hamper, or on items for a food bank donation, or a JustGiving donation to a Christmas charity a friend is involved with.

They dont have self doubt, so they don’t ask if they have bought enough presents for their kids, or spent enough or too much, because they are happy with what they do and choose to do on the spur of the moment. None of their choices feels like it will have lasting impacts of a negative nature….such as creating debt for the coming year, or leaving kids feeling under-valued or unable to hold their heads up with their friends in Jan when they talk about their Christmases.

The real difference is not needing to think about spending.

DH and I have a household income of about 350k (260ish pre bonuses).

We don't buy a ton of stuff for Christmas because we don't have a lot of space - we live in a garden flat somewhere convenient for work, so only have 1200sqft. Baffled that that might be seen as sneery .

DS is only 2, so this year he's getting a TonieBox, a balance bike and a Rody Horse + a few stocking stuffers (toy cars, koosh balls etc.). I didn't really want or need anything this year, so I think DH is buying me a silver necklace from my favorite jeweler and maybe my favorite perfume. Last year he got me a Peloton with all the trimmings . I got DH a fitness tracker and some new spendy exercise clothing.

My parents are overseas and miserable right now (Covid, poor health, missing us), so I really splashed out on them this year. It was nice to be able to do that without money concerns.

We don't really save specifically for Christmas though, I suppose that's the biggest difference.

I also think there’s a difference between those who are well off who came from well off backgrounds and those who have plenty of money now, but remember times when they didn’t, especially if that was their own childhood.

Those who had a harder time growing up, don’t forget what it was like to perhaps be cold sometimes or for their parents to worry about spending….the bills from having the hot water on, or the oven on too long, or spending too much on the weekly shop. They might also remember a sense of being told ‘no’ when they wanted items, or feeling like everyone else had the electronic item of the day, or the trendy clothing item that they didn’t have. Kids often feel ‘everyone’ has it, when it was never everyone, but that feeling sticks. Lots of parents of all levels of wealth and poverty remember those feelings and are keen to make sure their own kids don’t feel like that….this can be those with plenty lavishing their kids with gifts, or those in poverty lavishing their kids S and running up huge debts to do it. To both groups it can feel hugely important and is important in them validating themselves as parents.

Those whose own childhoods had plenty are less likely to have those feelings or need to validate themselves as parents with stuff.

[Not me, but wealthy family]

Experiences like theatre visits, afternoon tea, even skiing, are not seen as part of someone's present quota, they're just something the family do together. So we might all go out to the ballet together, and have a meal out at the same time, but that's not anyone's present, it's a family activity.

We could buy our DC a lot more than we do, but haven't spent much this year (they're only primary school age, so obviously not asking for things like cars)! They're getting what they asked for which are all relatively inexpensive, plus they're getting presents from grandparents and other family. As they get older though I'm sure we will spend a lot more.

I’m a self made millionaire. We don’t do big presents at Christmas either echoing what others are saying.

This year DH is getting a cashmere jumper, a box of his favourite chocolates and a Dilbert desk calendar.

We spend more on DD but not a huge amount. We do activities instead. Dinner out Christmas Eve, theatre and then a week skiing in Zermatt or St. Moritz in Jan.

We don’t budget for Christmas, gifts or food. We buy our neighbours wine, olive oil or limoncello with a panettone. It’s not a big spending holiday for us.

Cars & ponies?!!! never would I buy this for xmas

I've probably gone a bit overboard this year ,not added it up but at least £300 each. However hardly spent much on them during the pandemic so feel i should spoil them.

We have a six figure income and I absolutely ruin DS and DH at Xmas. And at birthdays. And throughout the year.

I grew up poor and now I can spend what I want when I want.

However Im probably comfortable but not rich

I don't even know how much i’ve spent this year. At a guess its around £1600 for two children age 4 and 9.

In answer to your question about what its like at Christmas….

Well i don't think about the cost of things. I don't budget per child or total up what i’ve spent.

Many years ago (approx 10 years) i never did gift buying as i couldn't afford it so now i do get people nice gifts without setting a budget (within reason)

@aliceca "Most rich people seem to say they don't give much at Christmas to their kids. Its a kind of sneering on the working class who do. Instead they just give massive expensive presents all year round to their kids."

What a catty comment! We're comfortably off but I don't give 'massive expensive' presents to my daughter all year round, nor do I sneer at people who choose to do massive presents at Christmas, even though we don't, just because neither of us grew up having huge gifts at Christmas, don't have expensive tastes and don't like having loads of 'stuff' around the place. Whatever happened to live and let live?!

The main thing that I feel extremely grateful for is being able to order what food and drink I want without worrying about how much it costs. Again, we don't have expensive tastes so we're not buying lobster and caviar, but it's nice to be able to buy what we do want.

I do get confused about the sneering at the spoiling. A kid who skis & visits the Caribbean & lives in a 2m house isn't necessarily not spoilt because they get 1 present at xmas! 😆

@Shitandhills so your kids dont get bikes, playstations, computers?

@WombatChocolate it’s EXACTLY that with me. Always told “we can’t afford it”, always in homemade clothes, always worrying about the bills - no heating on in winter except the gas fire in the front room. No holidays most years, no clubs or activities, no eating out. My parents did their very best and we were loved a lot, but materially we didn’t have a lot and I really noticed as I got older that I always had off brand trainers etc. so yes, I’m massively over-compensating now.

We're not rich but definitely not struggling. I wouldn't spend as much as we can afford for the sake of it. We spend around £150-200 on each child unless there's a specific thing like a laptop they're after.

I spend on luxuries for the DC as they get the things they need throughout the year (phones/tech etc). So one has Eurostar tickets and the other a bottle of quite expensive perfume as their main presents. We have little presents on the tree Christmas eve but the budget for those is about £2-3 each and their stockings will amount to about £100 worth this year but much of that was the proceeds of selling some of their old stuff.

Where we do spend money is on food and drink - probably more on champagne than on the DC and on a lovely 10ft real Christmas tree.

Food wise buy whatever we want from M&S & Waitrose, no budget.

Yes to experiences, I booked lapland uk before & theatre, train rides & light trails etc usually, didn't this yr as all
canx last yr 😢

We arent well off but we dont do "big" gifts for christmas. If bikes have been outgrown then they are replaced at the start of spring/summer so they can be used more (winters here are extremely wet, windy and sleety). More expensive gifts (eg a Nintendo Switch) is a birthday present.

Christmas is (for us) a time to gift more traditional items like jigsaw/board games/books/pjs/chocolate.

Those I know who are incredibly wealthy are actually quite reserved at christmas. It's not seen as a time to be materialistic.

We’re not wealthy but I’m certainly but getting it children whatever we can afford. We’ve done the want, need, read, west thing. Thankfully, they’re easy to please and I want to keep it the way. The older they get, the more important it is for me.

I grew up quite privileged but my mum in particular was quite strict with money & apart from wedding & house deposit didn't really spend much. That's rubbed off.

I asked DH for a print because I couldn't really think of anything else.

I go overboard at Christmas. I love the time of year, I love the fact that it’s still magical even though most of the DC (3 out of 4) no longer believe and I love spending time with extended family and friends.

I host Christmas lunch for 19 and I have a catered drinks party in early December and another Christmas Eve. Not having to worry about the food or wine bill is lovely.

Someone comes in to decorate the house and someone else to do the garden and this year I had a florist come in to to do all the mantle pieces, bannisters and table arrangements.

The DC get what they want. It’s a bit of a quantity game, because there still exists something of a hangover from when they were very little and were excited about the pile of presents. I get things like clothes, perfume, big Lego sets, make up palettes smaller electronics like apple watches/Garmin and the girls often get jewellery.

As others have said they already have cars (17th birthday) laptops and iPads (required for school) and bikes and ski boots (bought as required).

We also spend on experiences: afternoon tea, ice skating, movies, lunches out, panto in the run up to Christmas as pre Christmas we’d have done a city break with skiing for NY.

It’s not always been like this and I’m so grateful that I it’s such a lovely and relaxing time.

We probably count as pretty well off, though I don’t think we are mega rich. We don’t do big presents for birthdays or Christmas, but we don’t worry so much about buying e.g. a new bike. We just buy those things when we need them. Outside of a pandemic we would probably spend ££ on experience/travel, but mostly we just pay down the mortgage. We don’t have tons of spare cash as it’s all siphoned off for various purposes each month.

As a child I grew up in a household that was really poor. We had way more in the way of grand gestures at Christmas. It was a much bigger event.