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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

What's it like to be properly well off at Christmas?

254 replies

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 20/12/2021 15:31

Just that really. We're not poor but not able to throw money around. There are things our children would like, such as new pc, gaming equipment, horse, car and so forth, that are out of the budget this year but they won't have nothing.

My question is for those who have bigger incomes and no money worries. What is it really like especially at Christmas?

OP posts:
statetrooperstacey · 21/12/2021 15:00

Haven’t rtft but just wanted to say that the people I know who spend the most on their dc at Xmas are the people with the least money. One friend for egs spends over £1000 on each of theirs and another friend spends at least £2000 on each of hers (3dc) . They put most of it on credit cards.
The rich friends are all tight fuckers and subscribe to the whole something to wear something to read Bollocks and don’t spend much at all.

RosesAndHellebores · 21/12/2021 15:06

What a lovely turn of phrase you have statetrooperstacey.

In your opinion we probably fall into the tight Fecker category but in addition to Christmas the DC had the best educations, wonderful holidays, all uni feels paid so no debt, etc, etc.

stevalnamechanger · 21/12/2021 15:43

Total income between 150-200k. No kids . Don't buy each other gifts , so nice holidays and weekends away / spa etc . Just did a pre Xmas Carribean trip and will be skiing early next year covid dependent.

Spend £50-100 on each immediate family member and two friends .

Bring lovely wine / nice Xmas food to where we are doing Xmas .

Personally don't see ourselves going crazy on kids for Xmas , also don't really agree with "Santa" bringing the main gifts .

stevalnamechanger · 21/12/2021 15:46

Also bought older family members Xmas flowers which cost me £150 🤦‍♀️ but I love being able to do that!

backtolifebacktoreality · 21/12/2021 17:03

@PegasusReturns

Anyway, they spend very little on their children at Christmas as they went to teach them the value of money and that they have to work for what they want

This is such bullshit because as someone has posted up thread it’s always accompanied by unimaginable luxuries.

Claiming you’re not going to buy DC a play station so they learn the value of money whilst DC live in an enormous house with their own suite or annexe, never having to worry about whether to put the heating on or whether there’ll be a fridge of food (or open account at the local luxury food store); ski in winter sail in summer, membership at tennis clubs and all the other trappings is smuggery of the highest order.

My understanding is that the reason they don't buy them much and want them to learn the value of money is EXACTLY because they live in a big house and have nice holidays etc.

What do you want them to do, give them thousands at Christmas too? Sounds like they can't win in your eyes!

Fairylights25 · 21/12/2021 17:23

I do have to add in favour of those going all out for their children, as it does make Christmas rather memorable for the little ones at least.

I once shared Christmas with friends that bought their children two small wooden (uninteresting) toys and a book each for Christmas and it WAS in fact very sad to watch, and I felt sorry for the children. Their mother was adorned in beautiful silks and the very best of everything is available and yet it was somehow very very joyless. There was no excitement at all. That frenzy of fun was entirely missing and the presents were put to one side almost immediately.

Fortunately we did bring lots of gifts with us, and we were able to balance out what we were giving all of the children, as mine would have been hugely disappointed but honestly it didn't come across to us as teaching the child the value of money but really just a very strict and perhaps christmases as they remember coming back from boarding schools. An austere atmosphere on Christmas morning, with church attendance taking precedence rather than frolics and fun with gifts and play with the children.

thefatpotato · 21/12/2021 18:28

Ours are getting a few board games, new books, lots of craft stuff. They both got new bikes for their birthdays (though second hand) as big ticket items.

We treat spending time with family as the 'big gift' for holidays when we can get the time. Next trip OS to see Grandma and aunts/uncles/cousins etc will be about £8k (£5k or that being flights, and we stay with my Mum so not 5* anything!). Family is the gift.

thefatpotato · 21/12/2021 18:29

Also, we certainly aren't rich enough to buy horses/cars as gifts!!

hazandduck · 21/12/2021 18:34

If we are talking mega rich, Kim Kardashian has paid the pianist Philip Cornish to play Christmas songs as a morning wake up to her kids for every day of December. You can only imagine what Christmas morning will be like in their house.

Somersetlady · 21/12/2021 18:48

@TheFairPrincess

Also I don't get the "no gaming" posters.

Games are really good for kids as long as they aren't the sit online all day type ones like Roblox and Fortnite, etc.

You don’t need to “get” us!

I have no desire for my kids to sit in front of a computer when they can be out and about on their bikes/ponies/ scooters or playing make believe or games inside.

I don’t even try to “get” people who want their kids to it’s their own parenting choice dependent on their own beliefs and circumstances stances🤷‍♀️

ChocolateCakeYum · 21/12/2021 18:51

I won’t give an exact figure but we do ok money wise. DS is an only child and very much spoiled at Christmas.

He has an aunt and an uncle who buy him the odd gift but the rest of the family don’t tend to send anything (yes we send them gifts), including grandparents, so really it’s only us buying gifts (they don’t tend to send anything for his birthday either). He also doesn’t get a lot of toys during the year so Christmas ends up being a restock the toy cupboard and bookshelf kind of event.

CurtainTroubles · 21/12/2021 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

TheFairPrincess · 21/12/2021 18:54

It's not a personal attack! It just seems a bit mean to baselessly rule out a whole genre of gifts. Kids who have games consoles go outside and do those things too, you know Grin

PegasusReturns · 21/12/2021 18:56

@backtolifebacktoreality

What do you want them to do, give them thousands at Christmas too? Sounds like they can't win in your eyes!

It’s not about winning as much as honesty.

Pretending that your can teach your DC the value of money by not buying them much at Christmas when they have every conceivable advantage and luxury throughout the year is disingenuous and like many of the threads in a similar vein, smacks of a sneering superiority that is designed to chasten the working class for their conspicuous display of wealth.

Unless you’re waking up on Christmas morning with this family why would they even tell you what they have or haven’t bought their DC. It’s unnecessary and designed to make (an unpleasant) point.

thetinsoldier · 21/12/2021 20:38

We could afford to buy all those things. But we don't. The dc don't ask for massively expensive gifts. We probably spend about £400 on each of them. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Ofc it's nice not having to wonder how we will afford Christmas, but I hate over-consumption so we don't go mad.

theadultsaretalking · 21/12/2021 20:40

I was just thinking, after reading all that - it's tricky to create this sense of a Christmas morning gift magic for the kids who have what they need to the point that they don't have any urgent wants - just little things that they fancy. Mine didn't ask for any games or consoles (even when I dropped a hint at Playstation), I know they would love the latest iPhone, but then I don't want to make them a robbery target by getting one, they have iPads, they didn't ask for any specific trainersetc.

It's not frugality and mine are genuinely grateful for anything they get, but without going full on Kardashian there's no way we can get this gifts 'wow' factor on Xmas morning. And I absolutely agree - this is an insanely privileged position to be in.

IsoIsobaby20 · 21/12/2021 21:00

Six figure joint income and very little debt means we have a lot of disposable income

I buy what my ds's want (mostly) and need. I love getting them lovely gifts for Christmas. Bikes or consoles and lively stocking fillers.

I grew up working class poor. My mum did the big Christmas but on a credit card. I think the biggest difference is the days out panto trips, eating out and trips away (euro Disney when they were little) that is the biggest difference to my relatively poor childhood and my ds's. I just don't have to think about it which is an absolute privilege.

I do realise how lucky we are and I always make sure I do a lot for charities at Christmas too - not justifying anything but having come from my beginnings it makes me feel more comfortable.

bettertimesarecomingnow · 21/12/2021 21:16

Last year the dc had quads and motorbikes for Xmas. Dd got a pony in October but it would have been nice for christmas, I didn't think to save it for that!

This year ds has a tipping trailer for his quad, clothes, games, Lego, books - just normal stuff.

Dd is getting a skateboard, clothes, makeup, Lego and other bits

Ds17 has lots of clothes and trainers

Probably spent about £1500 between them all in but it doesn't seem much cos they don't have a "big" present

Dh and I are buying a new 4x4 and it arrives next week so we've just done small presents and put our money towards that instead.

WombatChocolate · 22/12/2021 21:58

I think lots of people who are well-off and especially those who also grew up well-off don’t feel the need for a big WOW Christmas morning.

The Christmas season might involve lots of special outings and meals with friends and family and there might be some gifts from some of them too, and Christmas Day involves gifts, but there doesn’t have to be a big pile or huge wow for it to be special and an important day. That’s because life generally is pretty good. There’s no hard times to compensate for, with a big binge of gifts and food and drink which is way beyond the normal experience. So well off families might regularly have nice days out to the theatre through the year, go for meals and buy expensive items as needed and wanted. Yes, that’s not the same as having a number of gifts on Christmas Day, but often there just doesn’t feel the need for that particular aspect.

As some people have said, being well off means being able to do those things and choosing to spend without careful budgeting for and totalling the cost and without debt. It’s about spontaneously being able to say yes to a theatre visit, or seeing a florist and buying a £50 bunch of flowers to take to some famiky you’re visiting later that day. Knowing the kids have holidays and nice clothes and do plenty of activities which cost, and have money available for education related things (whether that’s school fees, or tutors if needed, or just lots of revision resources etc) often means a big splash and ‘proving yourself’ or being able to say ‘yes’ to requests about Christmas, just isn’t a big deal.

And it’s often not such a big deal to the kids either. So, when you spend much of the year feeling other kids have got stuff you haven’t (whether that’s reality or just a perception) it’s easy for stuff to become really important to kids. That could be trainers of electronic devices and gaming equipment, or flash designer bags or whatever. It all becomes a way of showing your worth and value in a world which feels like it measures success and money in terms of the price of goods. When you’re lacking, conspicuous spending, or labels which shout ‘high price’ can feel important. And if kids feel like they ask for that stuff and are often told ‘no’ or ‘only at Christmas’ then those things become more important or Christmas becomes associated with that time if lavishness, plenty and partly about showing others what you’ve been given. Or for oarents, about showing others what you can give your kids.

Most well off people probably couldn’t tell you what they’ve spend on Christmas. They don’t know what amount has gone in gift or on food or on days out. That’s because some was spent a while ago and also because it just doesn’t matter. They have plenty of cash, they have bought what they fancied (and that might not be as much stuff as lots of people who have less money) and they aren’t worried about the impact the amount of spending will have now or next month or so in the future. So they’ve spent and forgotten about it.

Sometimes, when rhe Jan credit card bull arrives, we’ll off people will be a bit surprised at how much they spent (or sometimes how little) but usually they just pay the bill as usual and move on. Some well-off people might choose to have a ‘frugal’ month after Christmas, but that might involve some fairly light level reductions, which might happen alongside some other big spending such as booking summer holidays, or paying for something expensive like a term of school fees or uni accommodation, or work in the house or whatever. It’s unlikely to be that choices are made between food and heat or food and heat vs paying off the credit card, or starting to save for next Christmas via savings stamps or something else.

Freedom to spend without having to think much about it, I. Terms of impact now or in future is a big difference. It’s a great luxury that those that have it often forget.

Kendodd · 22/12/2021 22:16

I don't spend loads on my kids, why would I want piles and piles of stuff for them? With regard bikes, laptops etc, I do try to wait for birthdays/Christmas to give these. Just because I spend several hundred pounds one year (when they didn't a bike for example) doesn't benchmark the next. My kids are going to start needing cars soon and they will be birthday presents, I won't be getting them anything else as well.

With regard your question, well it removes the stress and worry about not being able to afford things. I was in the supermarket today and overheard a mum telling her kid to wait until Friday and she'd buy the Christmas food then because that's when she gets paid. That must be stressful.

HTH1 · 22/12/2021 22:28

I think it’s really subjective what “properly well off” means. To be honest, if you’re in horse and new car territory, you’re probably not going to wait to give them as Christmas presents.

We’re comfortable and the DC are getting a few larger/fun things for the stockings but we aren’t making an especially huge deal of presents this year. For us, it’s also about experiences eg we just went on a festive minibreak so, in a way, that’s part of the present/Christmas experience.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 22/12/2021 22:44

My DC only get “big” items at Christmas and birthdays, during the year we only buy what is needed and not what is wanted.

For there wanted items they need to work for those (both have jobs at age 12 and 15) and they have household chores they earn pocket money from.

We give our children experiences rather than surrounding them in a materialistic environment.

RoyalFamilyFan · 22/12/2021 22:51

@WombatChocolate

I think lots of people who are well-off and especially those who also grew up well-off don’t feel the need for a big WOW Christmas morning.

The Christmas season might involve lots of special outings and meals with friends and family and there might be some gifts from some of them too, and Christmas Day involves gifts, but there doesn’t have to be a big pile or huge wow for it to be special and an important day. That’s because life generally is pretty good. There’s no hard times to compensate for, with a big binge of gifts and food and drink which is way beyond the normal experience. So well off families might regularly have nice days out to the theatre through the year, go for meals and buy expensive items as needed and wanted. Yes, that’s not the same as having a number of gifts on Christmas Day, but often there just doesn’t feel the need for that particular aspect.

As some people have said, being well off means being able to do those things and choosing to spend without careful budgeting for and totalling the cost and without debt. It’s about spontaneously being able to say yes to a theatre visit, or seeing a florist and buying a £50 bunch of flowers to take to some famiky you’re visiting later that day. Knowing the kids have holidays and nice clothes and do plenty of activities which cost, and have money available for education related things (whether that’s school fees, or tutors if needed, or just lots of revision resources etc) often means a big splash and ‘proving yourself’ or being able to say ‘yes’ to requests about Christmas, just isn’t a big deal.

And it’s often not such a big deal to the kids either. So, when you spend much of the year feeling other kids have got stuff you haven’t (whether that’s reality or just a perception) it’s easy for stuff to become really important to kids. That could be trainers of electronic devices and gaming equipment, or flash designer bags or whatever. It all becomes a way of showing your worth and value in a world which feels like it measures success and money in terms of the price of goods. When you’re lacking, conspicuous spending, or labels which shout ‘high price’ can feel important. And if kids feel like they ask for that stuff and are often told ‘no’ or ‘only at Christmas’ then those things become more important or Christmas becomes associated with that time if lavishness, plenty and partly about showing others what you’ve been given. Or for oarents, about showing others what you can give your kids.

Most well off people probably couldn’t tell you what they’ve spend on Christmas. They don’t know what amount has gone in gift or on food or on days out. That’s because some was spent a while ago and also because it just doesn’t matter. They have plenty of cash, they have bought what they fancied (and that might not be as much stuff as lots of people who have less money) and they aren’t worried about the impact the amount of spending will have now or next month or so in the future. So they’ve spent and forgotten about it.

Sometimes, when rhe Jan credit card bull arrives, we’ll off people will be a bit surprised at how much they spent (or sometimes how little) but usually they just pay the bill as usual and move on. Some well-off people might choose to have a ‘frugal’ month after Christmas, but that might involve some fairly light level reductions, which might happen alongside some other big spending such as booking summer holidays, or paying for something expensive like a term of school fees or uni accommodation, or work in the house or whatever. It’s unlikely to be that choices are made between food and heat or food and heat vs paying off the credit card, or starting to save for next Christmas via savings stamps or something else.

Freedom to spend without having to think much about it, I. Terms of impact now or in future is a big difference. It’s a great luxury that those that have it often forget.

I think this is very true. Traditionally Christmas was a big feast because it was during the winter when food was scarce and boring and the days were dark and long. People ate what they could grow, so strawberries and salad were summer foods only. Christmas, or whatever the winter festival was called as all cultures have them, was a break from that boring winter food and sometimes not a lot of food. It makes it easier to get through hard times if you have one day of lovely food wherever you are totally full. Now for people who can have lovely food and enough of it all year, the Christmas food may not be as important as it once was. Certainly, the focus becomes on making it easy by buying for example ready-made stuff from Cook or M and S, rather than on spending hours making special food. It is the same for presents. So if you are well off it would be unusual to do the big pile of presents, as there is no psychological need for that.
Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 22/12/2021 23:39

Yy wombat choclate I agree more about experiences and treats.

We save all year towards Xmas on a rolling basis.

We are by no means rich at all though. It depends on the rich people but two families I know don't buy in anyway an extravagant gifts at all. In fact it seems the one time they really row back and become incredibly parsimonious!
It's been very miserable actually.
Lots of talk of the money and what they have saved (including no heating on) cheap cuts of meat and food constant talk about the bargains they got... From discount places.
Xmas day is the one day I like to forget about money!!
Xmas gift one year for dh was a mens shave set from nivea.

I don't have think it's regular to buy expensive things for Xmas at all in navy more well off the families.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 22/12/2021 23:44

Although I disagree they know how much they have spent the two families I have in mind kmow exactly what they spent!
Working on extremely pinned down budgets!
And won't spend a penny more.