What's it like to be properly well off at Christmas?

[ImJustNotMeAnymore]

Just that really. We're not poor but not able to throw money around. There are things our children would like, such as new pc, gaming equipment, horse, car and so forth, that are out of the budget this year but they won't have nothing.

My question is for those who have bigger incomes and no money worries. What is it really like especially at Christmas?

I'm partway between. So things that are every day - eg. ipad get replaced as needed (every 4-5 years - they are in double layer cases, so it's when they're no-longer able to run the basics, rather than after breakage). They don't really have many actual toys though, due to years of flats and moving, so the ipads are pretty much it.

For birthdays they'd get something they wanted, but was not every day - so a couple of years ago a bike, this year a switch.

For Christmas something about 70quid, although I bust the budget this year and got a joint present for them which was more like 200 between the two.

I freely admit they have everything they need, so it's easier to say no to them, and they accept no better than kids that have less - I remember being there myself, being utterly desperate for something, then getting it and finding out the adverts lied about how awesome it was, so I'm actually glad they're spared that and don't feel such complete longing for things they either can't have, or aren't worth having.

Honestly.. Its lovely.
I have adult dds, dsds, and I love having the ability to choose gifts they want.
My lot don't have huge extravagant spoilt tastes.. And all seem really appreciative of what we give them.
The difference the money makes is things like we are all on holiday at the moment, we take the week before Christmas to all go away, and we can afford to pay for the girls plus partners.
It means being able to buy new decorations if I want some... I generally don't.. ☺
That kind of thing.

I would say, and I think this is common to lots of people, that it's being able to go into the supermarket and buy whatever I want and not even think about what the bill will be that is the biggest luxury for me. And being able to have the heating on and not worry about the electricity.

We bought our dd13 an iPhone 13 and ds12 an electric bike. Also got them a ps5 and lots of new clothes/trainers. They aren't aware that we have bought them all that but it just worked out this way this year due to a number of factors.

Why do you see it as sneering?
It's sneering because it's virtually always accompanied by some comments on how children are spoiled if they get a lot of gifts. That it's going to make kids grabby and entitled. Some children get bought lovely things all year round and some get a big pile at Xmas. I fail to see how one of these would turn children into spoiled little cretins and the other wouldn't.

I tend to spoil my wider family, parents and siblings etc, just because it's nice to be able to now. Sometimes a holiday away, sometimes something they want but wouldn't buy. I'm probably a very very dull aunt though as I often just give a few hundred to their savings accounts or to their parents for trips or days out etc. That's just because we don't really like waste and it's a big family so they get lots of toys from others. And there's only so much they need.

We are due a baby any moment now, and won't be spoiling them with a lot of presents. We don't like the consumerism and too much stuff, and impact on the planet etc. We don't buy gifts for each other either, but we tend to have a break away after Christmas in a nice hotel which is our treat to ourselves. As a PP said, prefer experiences to things

We're not ultra-rich but definitely comfortable. I bought the DC's stocking presents a while ago, forgot I'd done it and bought them again the other day. That's not something I could have done as a skint younger parent/single mum when the kids were small.

We have money but kids have never been spoiled. Things like pcs and gaming systems were bought for the household not individuals, dd works and saved for a car. They got laptops for their 18th in preparation for university.

@cheeseismydownfall

We are what would be considered to be well off and could afford to buy the things on your list if we wanted to.

But our DD(11) is severely mentally unwell and completely crippled by anxiety to the point that she cannot leave the house.

I would trade every last present under the tree (and a lot, lot more) to be able to have a simple, happy family Christmas.

good health is the most precious gift.

My children are pretty much grown up now, but we've never gone overboard on quantity of presents. So if they want a gadget or latest phone, they will get it, but they won't expect anything else. Christmas has always been more about being together and having a good time, than having a big pile of presents under the tree.

The question the OP asked was about Christmas presents and people have responded accordingly. They have also stated they buy things throughout the year. Nobody is sneering.

We genuinely don’t do big gifts at Christmas, even though we could afford it. That is what the OP asked. Christmas and birthdays are for wants. Needs are bought throughout the year eg laptops, bikes (DC need it for school and we cycle at weekends as a family). Other families may buy all these items at Christmas or for birthdays. It’s just a different way of doing things.
Although I appreciate we can buy items throughout the year because we don’t need to budget for them so don’t think twice about it when DC need them.

@purpletrees16

I notice there’s a weird thing whereby Christmas presents increase in value up a certain level of well-offness (from charity shop/socks /school supplies to the aforementioned PS5s etc. representing a big thing that kid knows are special) then decrease in value for the “I’m so wealthy if I don’t make them earn something they will be spoilt” crew (where the socks and school supplies make a reappearance but they already have a horse they got in June) then increase again until they are silly (Ferrari’s for 17 year olds etc.)

Source: state school to private school with a scholarship to time spent during postgrad tutoring London’s uber-wealthy.

Yes, I've seen that too. Though I would say that its a difference between wealth and class as well almost "new rich" to buy your kid a ferrari when an old money family may buy something less showy. That's not something that mumsnet likes to hear though!

I might spend a bit more òn myself. But not on other folk. Because its embarrassing to be very extravagant .

Agree that the well off don’t shower their DC with gifts. They’re a bit more restrained. They certainly don’t share photos of huge piles of presents under the tree.

That's because the tree wouldn't fit into the frame of the camera

We don’t go mad on gifts. Probably spend around £100 on each other and token gifts for parents / nieces and nephews. Buy a real tree everywhere which for me, is an extravagance at around £100. Big family day out to a country house between Christmas and New Year at around £150. Poster above was right, we don’t spend on crazy gifts or consoles but we do go a bit over the top with food and drink or experience. Christmas shop is Waitrose for example and usually about £300. We’re like big fat gooses by the end of the day.

I suppose the easiest thing is not needing to save for it really. We just have it there to spend and don’t have the stress. I grew up unimaginably poor and it still scares me having money in the bank incase someone takes it away. But at Christmas I do all the things I could never do as a kid!

We don’t spend as much as we could, we spend about £300 per child.
I know that more than some but it’s a lot less than many people I know who aren’t as comfortable as us.
I find piles of presents a bit unnecessary and excessive

@WombatChocolate

I think that if you have no money worries, CHristmas is often about experiences rather than gifts. It might mean booking tickets to the theatre that will cost £200+, without giving serious thought to it, along with going on several meals out with friends or work, without considering that each time will cost in the region of £50. Then there could be a trip to a GLOW event at somewhere like a National Trust place, and ice skating at an outside venue which costs the family £100 once you’ve factored in a couple of hot chocolates, and more than double that if there’s lunch too. Hosting a drinks or mince pies event for neighbours with canapés and booze could cost several hundred and lots do those things every year when it’s not Covid.

In my mind it’s not so much about presents….and lots of people mention that they buy bikes, computers etc as needed through the year and don’t feel the need for a big heap of presents, but about being able to opt into fairly spontaneous invites to go the the theatre with another family, or to host an event, without consideration given to the cost.

And the other crucial thing that hasn’t been mentioned is that there probably is no need to save through the year towards all this, nor to face a c credit card bill that can’t be paid off in Jan, so which creates debt for the rest of the year.

Perhaps it also looks like going skiing over CHristmas, or knowing you’re going at Feb half term, and already having booked some lovely holidays for the summer.

I agree with this completely. We're comfortable after a tough few years and hopeful that we'll be more than comfortable in the future. What it's meant this year is not so much huge presents but we have had a few extra treats and I haven't worried about exactly what the cost is for their stockings etc, which has been great. Similarly, I've ordered high end meat and have been buying slightly nicer wine with the weekly shop for the last few weeks so we have some nice sparkling/good wine for when we are at others or we have people over.

If money was even better, I'd have loved to take DD to the ballet, but couldn't justify another few hundred quid by the time we'd paid for transport, a meal, decent tickets etc. But might well do that next year if finances continue to improve.

Same as others, could throw money around if wanted but choose not to. I worry about the financial privilege my kids have compared to what I had and don’t want them to be spoiled or take their circumstances for granted. I think what is most different compared to in the past when I had little, that I don’t have to do any calculating of budgets for food or gifts, or til January pay day. I remember how long that was, and now none of those things are a consideration.

Six and half a dozen but I will say that largely it was a matter of spending capital. I tutored a wide range of new and old money. The old money that had as much money as the new money still bought young teenagers £10k handbags. I think the old money that can actual afford to effectively set £0.5million (car plus insurance) revenue on fire per child are few and far between… even if In assets they maybe more wealthy.

@BoredOfSamphire

We don't do big presents at Christmas - if one of the kids needs a new bike, or a computer, or whatever then we'll buy it at the time rather than wait until Christmas.

We still do Christmas gifts, but more things like family games, activity sets, or other things to do on the day.

I agree this is a really good way of managing things, if money is a bit tight, because you don't have to splash out on all your DC at the same time. We did similar when ours were younger. When they got older, we did sometimes give big presents like bikes at Christmas, but only once they were old enough to understand that they wouldn't all get the same each year, but that it would even out in the end.

Ours always had loads of presents to unwrap, but lots were silly Poundshop jokey things. I have to admit, though, that I look back and cringe at the plastic waste. If I were doing it now, I'd probably wrap up things that they were getting anyway (clothes, stationery etc) to pad out the piles.

Friend's inlaws are HNW. In the run up to Christmas they throw a big catered party that everyone in the family is required to attend and spend the whole time fawning over inlaws and their incredible generosity. Christmas day is catered. Presents are generous of course, but it's the luxe ski trip via private plane that is the treat of the season.

I don't think it is sneering to say that we buy things as and when we need them, however, I realise what a huge privilege this is. And it is lovely not to have to save or budget for Christmas.

Both my husband and I don't come from wealth, went through ups and downs financially and can now be described as very comfortably well off. We don't tend to get big presents for the kids (early teens) and they are not even asking for them to be honest, so it's mainly books, clothes (but think Zara and not designer), some craft stuff and an outing that they both really wanted.

We are struggling with gifts for each other though, as we can buy anything that we want/need and neither of us wants/needs something hugely expensive.

Secretly I do wonder what it feels like to get a new car for Christmas or smth, like some of our friends do... Not that I want one, mind!

We bought them a switch this year. Last year they got nothing wrapped from us because the entire family spoils them with toys. They did however get skis rented for the season, new ski outfit.
I get what the previous posters were saying, because DS got an instrument 2 months before Christmas. We didnt see the point in making him wait because he did need it.
They get stuff they need all year round and on Christmas they get a couple of small things that they really wish for. Christmas is more about the event for us than the huge presents.
I do realise that we are really lucky to say that.
I just dont see the point of getting them a bike for Christmas in winter when they wont use it until spring. My children are still small and would probably grow out of it again by then.

We will be spending Christmas in Mayfair at a cost of several thousand pounds.

I have spent approx £500 on DC. I don't aim to spend what I spend we just buy what we think DC will like.

It's funny how the conversation has gone towards kids and whether they're spoilt or not. The question was about what Christmas is like for people with money.

We don't go overboard at Christmas but I do agree that my DS doesn't have to 'wait' for bigger gifts throughout the year. If it's the start of summer and he's grown a foot and looks ridiculous on his bike, we'll go and get him a new bike. But that new bike will be a decent one from Decathalon, we won't spend ££££ on a top of the range whatever because he's not a mad keen cyclist, he just uses it occasionally.

Tech - he has an iPad, we aren't in the business of replacing that year on year but when it breaks, it will be replaced. Same with his phone, but when he drops it and cracks the screen he pays for a replacement screen out of his pocket money, there isn't a phone fairy just waiting to buy him the latest version.

A couple of years ago he wanted a new console and we paid half, he paid us back half out of the money I knew he'd get from family.

But what is lovely is that our heating is on all day when we're all at home. Tomorrow I'm going out food shopping and will spend a few hundred without worrying about it. The Christmas chicken is free-range and slow-grown and has had a ridiculously good life and costs accordingly. We are enormously privileged in that way. And - having come from a poor and chaotic background - while I'm not prepared to spoil DS with gifts, I am totally 100% determined that he never knows what being cold, hungry and scared of what the next morning feels like. Sorry if some people think that's sneering.