Need to get it all off my chest before i break down dont have to reply...

[TheWiltedRose]

OK, i feel like im about to burst and its getting worse every day so i think i need to write it all down..

Im 20 and have 2 ds's and this is my first xmas on my own, Im not spending it with my mum because she moved away a while ago and cant get down there, Im not spending it with my dps family as they do not like me or anyone there ds goes out with and have sworn not to invite me this year even though ive been seeing him a year now.

I was supposed to be spending it with my brothers who live in the midlands like me but they were in a little car crash and the car was written off luckily no one was hurt but now i have no way off getting to theres on xmas so that has been cancelled.

Yes its bothering me that i am spending xmas with so few ppl this year but it would be bearable if i had even a little money to do it with.

See income support have cut my money off because i refuse to claim child maintanence as it would cause stress and possibly harm to me and my boys leaving me in a bad state with money, add that onto the fact that i already have a 3 1/2 grand debt that i cant pay off and the council are threatening to kick me out and its just dire, This week i cant even afford to buy milk for ds2 and next week ill be lucky if i can buy nappies...

I have barely any food in the house and no drink other than water so i cant make an xmas dinner other than cheap chips and beans, I havnt even brought many presents for the boys because moneys tight but i have run up a debt now with littlewoods on creditto buy them what i have.

Add to this the fact that my ds1 is 3 on the 29th and then theres news years eve which will be spent in the same was as xmas then u might grasp how im feeling at the moment..

I just dont know how to cope this year or even if ill have a house the next one if things carry on the way they are..

If you got this far then thanks for listening to me...

Ok, I've seen you email on here somewhere so I'll dig out what I've got and mail you a list - feel free to pick and choose

lol im not pickey lewis anything that fits is ok with me at the moement i swear im thsts close to puttin ds1 in a dress!! little one is 15 months and big un is 3 on the 29th...oh crist as if xmas isnt close enough!

Ok, I'll look out age 12-18m and 2/3 3/4 yrs

Right, so far I have:

For your older boy (age 2/3 3/4):

1 top (green tye dye)
1 shirt
4 jumpers
3 jeans
1 posher trousers
1 dressing gown

For your younger boy (between 12-18m):

2 baby grows
1 winter hat
3 trousers (cords)
1 shirt
2 jumpers (one is a cardigan)

This isn't the end of it - this is so far

Please let me know what you would like - you are MORE than welcome to all of it

It all sounds great! gotta ask though...posher trouser??? lol

Sorry about the slow replys got a major migraine today which is killing me :-S All light feels like its burning my brain!

Oh I hate migraines

Posher as in "proper" - chinos, not jeans/cords... hang on, not explaining very well!

like this!

Just found your thread Wilted. My youngest ds is 4 and is outgrowing some clothes too. I'll email you for your address. We certainly have a coat, some T shirts and pyjamas.

I went to a wedding in Bilston recently, at a very friendly church, with a lovely female vicar. Would you like me to see if I can find out which one/service times etc over Christmas?

Glad to hear you are feeling more positive about things today, but a bummer about the migraine. They are horrible things. A little something will be winging its way to you shortly xx

Emailed you rose - no rush to reply

Emailed you lewis
notquite, that sounds fantastic to both im definately interested in seeing whats going on xmas in them!
And, thanks a lot iliketomoveit!

My migraine hass lessened somewhat to the point where now it only feels like the 7 dwarfs are mining inside my brain complete with a rousing rendition of, Hi Ho! Hi ho! Its off to work we go..................... Bit better than!

Have e-mailed you TWR

emailed back!

hi wilted just wanted to ask did they cut you off for good?if his name is not on the birth cert you could say you dont know who the father is.i know it would make you sound bad but means to an end really

hi there! They havnt cut me off theyve halved it and its to late for that i already went for an interview to explan why i didnt want to claim and gave loads of information then but they deem my reasons not good enough and say its tough and that they will cut my money until i agree to claim

did you name the father?possible say you dont know where he is?abroad mabey?could you claim every allowence you could to make ends meet fuel,clothing they may have more dont really know could be worth looking into could your comunity welfare officer give you an emergancy type check till you solve things with loan parents

O told them there addresses as far as i knew unfortunately because i didnt think they were going to do anything about it as i was in the interview to state why i didnt want them contacted!

Theres nothing else i can claim unfortunately or grants to help me out because it states that im still getting money from the government even if its not enough!

I've emailed you Rose.

Hope that migrane is getting better. Don't forget about the CAB, when you feel up to it. They are brilliant.

You can have a good cause interview regarding the non claiming of CSA. Have you had that?

My sympathies are with you for I have had many a xmas like the one you are anticipating. Is your dp going to be with you?

So sorry that you?re having such a rough time at the moment ? xmas makes it all feel so much worse doesn?t it?

When you were originally interviewed and decided that you didn?t want to persue your ex for maintenance, you should have been given a ?cooling off? period to reconsider ? if that didn?t happen, there has been a procedural error and you can ask for your benefit to be reinstated whilst you ?consider? . the cooling off period should be four weeks. This is in addition to a two week ?thinking time? .

If ?good cause? has not been shown by yourself, a decision maker should consider whether your children would experience/are experiencing hardship because of a reduced benefit direction. (*obviously they are?.but you do need to spell it out for the decision maker)

You can appeal against the decision to reduce your benefit, on the grounds of hardship, but not the decision regarding good cause, unless there is now more information. You would first have to ask for the original decision to be ?superseeded? if it has been over a month since the original decision. If it has been less than a month you ask for the original decision to be revised.

Good cause is defined as :

?the test of harm or undue distress and the expression is therefore to be understood in accordance with ordinary English usage. The dictionary definition of these terms are as follows:

• risk - hazard, danger, exposure to mischief or peril

• harm - evil (physical or otherwise) as done or suffered, hurt, injury, damage or mischief, grief, trouble or affliction

• undue - going beyond what is appropriate, warranted or natural, excessive

• distress - severe strain or pressure

the decision maker has to decide whether there are reasonable grounds for believing that there would be a risk of harm or undue distress. Harm or undue distress need not have to be suffered already

please let me know if you have any questions, but do go to the CAB to help you through the Income support stuff - it can be a maze and if you get someone unsympathetic and jobsworthy, it can be a horrible experience. welfare rights can help a lot wth that

Emailed you notquite thank you!

I went to the jobcenter today and couldnt talk to anyone so i used the phone and rang the number on the latter that informed me that my benefits would be cut and was informed that i have to write to them stating that i want a re evaluation and go though all that which is basicly the same unfeeling women looking at it and saying no again before i can appeal!

What happened to trying to help single mums instead of punishing them for it!

did you get it today? hope someone didnt nick it

you ok today?

Thanks PSS that will really help me in my letter!

Still not here scorpio! (worried expression)
Im feeling a bit better today no migraine which is nice but i still have a chest infection which is killing me and ive hardly slept in a week because im so stressed i should proberly get checked out by a doc i feel really run down had to give the tv people 20 quid today out of the 30 i had in the bank which didnt help but because of the kindness of you all i wont go without food or nappies! thank you all again!

Right! My lovely darling dp has offered to look after the boys so i can have a nap bless him
Be back on later to catch up! Bye for now!