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Christmas

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Original poster

Need to get it all off my chest before i break down dont have to reply...

274 replies

TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 13:32

OK, i feel like im about to burst and its getting worse every day so i think i need to write it all down..

Im 20 and have 2 ds's and this is my first xmas on my own, Im not spending it with my mum because she moved away a while ago and cant get down there, Im not spending it with my dps family as they do not like me or anyone there ds goes out with and have sworn not to invite me this year even though ive been seeing him a year now.

I was supposed to be spending it with my brothers who live in the midlands like me but they were in a little car crash and the car was written off luckily no one was hurt but now i have no way off getting to theres on xmas so that has been cancelled.

Yes its bothering me that i am spending xmas with so few ppl this year but it would be bearable if i had even a little money to do it with.

See income support have cut my money off because i refuse to claim child maintanence as it would cause stress and possibly harm to me and my boys leaving me in a bad state with money, add that onto the fact that i already have a 3 1/2 grand debt that i cant pay off and the council are threatening to kick me out and its just dire, This week i cant even afford to buy milk for ds2 and next week ill be lucky if i can buy nappies...

I have barely any food in the house and no drink other than water so i cant make an xmas dinner other than cheap chips and beans, I havnt even brought many presents for the boys because moneys tight but i have run up a debt now with littlewoods on creditto buy them what i have.

Add to this the fact that my ds1 is 3 on the 29th and then theres news years eve which will be spent in the same was as xmas then u might grasp how im feeling at the moment..

I just dont know how to cope this year or even if ill have a house the next one if things carry on the way they are..

If you got this far then thanks for listening to me...

OP posts:
fairylights · 10/12/2007 14:01

have emailed you but see you are west mids. Will email again later..

CharlieAndLolasMummy · 10/12/2007 14:04

Rose, quick 2 c worth here

  1. GO TO THE CAB (or law centre, council advice shop, or whatever). If you or your boys are likely to be in danger, your IS should NOT be docked. I am guessing there is more to this than a bit of stress if you are prepared to have your money cut off. Go to your local CAB, stay there until they see you, and get this sorted. Once you are back on IS you will be able to access Crisis Loans and so on, if need be.
  1. There are normally local charities who can help with xmas stuff-not to mention MN!
  1. Re the debts-again, GO TO THE CAB. Honestly, they will, at the very least, give you the information you need to hold off your creditors til after xmas. Don't just claim bankrupcy, there are other options in the situation you have described.

Please get some professional help here. Its out there, we all pay for it with our taxes (most advice centres are at least part-funded by local councils, and many are also part-funded by the government through the Legal Aid scheme)-so use it! Good luck.

BeeWiseMen · 10/12/2007 14:04

as ninewurlys says you have not failed and we ALL need help sometimes. Just most of us are lucky enough to have friends and family we can ask for help. Life has dealt you a fairly crappy hand lately. Let some strangers give you a hand while you get back on your feet. It is after all what christmas is supposed to be all about. And in years to come when you're more settled, if you see someone in your situation won;t you want to help? All your doing is borrowing now against your future generosity.

malfoy · 10/12/2007 14:04

pls do not feel you have failed. your boys look gorgeous. they have a mother who loves them. sorry don't what to say. pls do accept help. it's not failing.

NineWurlysDancing · 10/12/2007 14:05

it is awful, dh works full-time and I cant wait til my dc are in full time school so that I can go back to my dinner lady job (hopefully next september) but we still struggle, by time we have paid the mortgage, food, bills, council tax, petrol for the car etc etc we are left with about £50 per month, so if we have anything unexpected come thru (or the kids birthdays) then we really have to budget well or we just cant do it.

Brandnewchristmaspyjamasgirl · 10/12/2007 14:05

have emailed you and what charlie and lolas mummy says is very good advice x

Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:06

blimey everybodys so nice here i didnt realise when people posted these msgs just how many people really cared im actually in tears at this point and for once its not because im sad! I really accept the offers of help but i couldnt take them theres just something in my brain that wont let me agree to being helped which i know is stupid but i cant seem to help it but i really really do appreciate the offers and the advice i am being given

OP posts:
NineWurlysDancing · 10/12/2007 14:08

Rose if people are offering to help you, let them, they are doing it because they want to try and help you not because they feel sorry for you or because you have failed at all.

Saturn74 · 10/12/2007 14:09

What Wurly said.

Brandnewchristmaspyjamasgirl · 10/12/2007 14:11

Honestly WR let us help you

wessexgirl · 10/12/2007 14:12

Yes, the CAB are brilliant - please try them; my friend works for them and she really knows her stuff. Whatever you do, whether it's going to the Salvation Army or not, pleeeease don't feel like a failure. You are not; you are doing what's best for your beautiful little boys.

I really hope you get what you need to have a good Christmas (and afterwards). Hugs.

fairylights · 10/12/2007 14:19

wiltedrose - i am really no pyschologist but i do vaguely remember someone telling me that when we feel at our absolute lowest we really don't feel we are worth being helped, even though its actually what we need - please accept any help going, what beewisemen says is so right. You ARE worth it! {{more hugs}}

Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:24

Sorry i took so long between sobbing for no apparent reason and emailing thw wonderfull people offering help i cant seem to get a hold of myself

I am accepting help from the people i have emailed and i hope that one day i can repay each and every one of you in any way i can.

Thank you to everyone who has offered advice i am going into town later to book an appointment with the CAB and trying to sort out this mess i am in so hopefully next year
i am in the position to help someone else the way you have helped me..

Im gonna stop typing now because i seem to be blubbering again :S

OP posts:
Staceym11PipersPiping · 10/12/2007 14:29

WR, i have a 3yo dd and 1yo ds, i am 21 on jan 1st. i had dd at 17. their dad left just over a month ago, and it is so hard. but i have family nearby so that helps a bit.

dont feel like a failure, i recieved a lovely box of toys (and a gift voucher) from Mumsnetters from the xmas appeal, which made me feel rather humbled, but i know that when i can pass that on i will. I have had to accept help or my kids owuld not have a christmas, one day i will pass it on. and you can too. accept the help being offered to you. then one day when you're in a better position you can pass it on!

oh and got to the CAB, your income support shouldnt be cut off because you refuse to claim chidl support if it will cause harm (physical or emotional) to you or your children.

Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:32

stacey i wanted to give something in the xmas appeal myself but just couldnt find the money but garunteed next year ill be the first in line and beating off others with a stick to give!

Humbled is exactly the word im looking for, im just so happy that strangers that have never even met me care for my happiness and that of my boys it truly has made me believe in all the soppy xmas cards i ever read that the spirit of xmas is in people and i Think mumsnet has got it more than anyone...

OP posts:
Staceym11PipersPiping · 10/12/2007 14:37

WR exactly, someone once called it 'paying it forward' (think it was from a film)

one simple act of kindness at a time. there are still some lovely people in the world and they want to help you!

let them do it!

how old are your boys?

I have an unwanted roll-arounds dragon same as this if your little one would like it for xmas?!

Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:40

ds1 is 3 on the 29th of xmas i was luckily enough to buy him the iggle piggle trike he wanted in september thank god so his bday wont be a dissaster

ds2 is 15 months and he doesnt care what he gets this year apart from if its shiney which is a big help lol

OP posts:
Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:42

wow thats a really nice toy thank you for the offer but i think the toys this year wil be ok as long as i make the day special i think they wont notice to much at least thats the plan!

Does anyone know of anywhere that is open or something on xmas day somewhere u can go?

thats not making sense is it i mean is there something u can do outside to make the day special?

OP posts:
charliemama · 10/12/2007 14:43

Wiltedrose i am so glad you are getting some help. My first post was an attempt to think of things that you could do with your boys for free. the subsequent posts have contained some really good advice and I am glad that so many people read your post who were able to offer you good support. I wish you a very merry Christmas. I hope that you and your boys manage to have a happy time and that your problems get sorted out.

ShinyHappyStarOfBethlehem · 10/12/2007 14:45

Oh WR I very much doubt DS would want ME sent to him!

I am always advocating paying it forward Stacey It's a great concept; enjoy the kindnesses of others.. and enjoy paying them back to others in need, when you can

LoveAngelGabriel · 10/12/2007 14:47

Hi Rose - just wanted to add, your boys are absolutely gorgeous and look so happy and well looked after. At their young age, they won't be too fussed about presents and turkey, so don't worry about all that. But it would be nice for YOU to have some company over the festive period. Christmas can be such a stressful and lonely time of year. Is there anyone at all you could pop round to see, or who would pop in to you for a bit? Neighbours? You deserve a bit of company and cheer.

NineWurlysDancing · 10/12/2007 14:49

TWR, i dont know if it helps but I have some boys clothes that ds2(he's nearly 4) has grown out off if they are any good for your ds1??? If you want them I can sort them out and probably stick them in the post after christmas (or next week if you are desperate)

Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:51

Thank you charlie i hope you have a fantastic day i really do!

Lol shiney i think you popping out of a box would scar the poor bugger from ever openning a present again lol (eek that wasnt in a bad way)

And thank you LAG i do think there cutest boys in the world in an obviously unbiased way!

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 10/12/2007 14:55

You're so young to be doing such a hard job on your own with not enough money.
I'm (significantly!) older than you and have a husband here most of the time and I find it bloody hard work so you should give yourself a pat on the back for doing as well as you do, not beat yourself up about it.
Am emailing you now...

Original poster
TheWiltedRose · 10/12/2007 14:56

thank u scooter i never really thought of it that way i just kind of trudged alonf thinking i was doing a bad job most of the time

OP posts: