How to tell in laws we don't want to buy gifts any more?

[HungryHippo11]

Hi everyone, please could you help me to draft a message for my husband's sisters, to tell them we don't want to exchange gifts this year. My reasons for this are as follows:

• it costs us in the region of £200 for their family gifts, which we would rather spend on our own children or other things
• we don't see them, we have seen them once in the past 12 months
• due to this, the kids don't know who we are and we don't know what they're interested in so gifts are always really generic
• they never send a text to say thank you for the gifts, or even to acknowledge they have been recieved

They currently buy for our kids so obviously I would also tell them that is not necessary.

Thanks in advance!

Hello, everyone, hope your well. We’re looking at cutting back at Christmas this year, as over the years it’s become more and more costly. We’d like to suggest us all meeting up somewhere to have some quality time together (meal/cinema/theatre) instead of buying each other gifts.what do you think?

Or just say….
“We’re not buying gifts for extended family this year and don’t expect any in return”

If you really can't afford it then fine, but otherwise, I think not buying Christmas presents for kids is pretty stingy to be honest. Thank you cards are a thing of the past, so just let that idea go. And just give them a £20 Amazon voucher each, I guarantee they will like that more than whatever 'real' gift you think of for them.

Just say " This year we are not giving gifts, instead we're giving to charity".

Suggest you buy a decent board game for each family, designed for enough players for everyone together to play en famille. There are loads of board game review sites & YT videos to show how younger children get on with the logic of the game. So it’s one spend for the lot of them, if you really like them add on a festive tin of delicious biscuits.

Text out now that from now on you will only sending one gift per family & you hope that a family gift will bring together for fun & enjoyed throughout the year.

If you get grumbles once the gift has been received, next year sponsor a goat or water well in a far away land where your spend makes a difference.

As a Globetrotting Aunt with an ever increasing tribe of nieces & nephews, a strict budget is set for unit present spend otherwise I couldn’t pay my winter bills. No gifts by return are expected & strongly discouraged. But a hand scrawled thank you card goes a long way to keep this Auntie sweet.

As the kids grow up, negotiations can start to roll up Christmas & birthday presents into a bigger better item chosen by the recipient for the birthday & a token bag of chocolate coins for Christmas.

@olympicsrock

This is what selection boxes are for. A small cheerful consumable gesture of good will that everyone likes

I know what you're saying, except that people are aware of the pointless excess packaging these days and the fact that they seem to cost more than the total of the individual chocolate bars.

Yet if you were to buy some multi packs and make up your own environementally-friendly selection boxes there would still be people receiving them who would look down their nose at them as "not being a proper gift" or view it as a "cheapskate way of doing things".

I hate present-buying, can't stand it, the pressure to choose something "thoughtful" or unique when you really don't know the person that well, or if they have an item already. I hate the receiving, too, and the expectations by the giver of enthusastic gratitude even though secretly inside you know you probably won't use the item because you already have multiple other ones, or it's not to your taste at all, or it doesn't quite fit or go with anything you already have etc etc. Then you feel all the guilt at knowing they've wasted their money and you're on edge for the next few months wondering if they're going to ask you if you've used the item yet or panic if they're due to visit and you think they're going to notice it's not on display etc etc......

The only non-consumable items I genuinely love are things I actually NEED, and if I've actually reached a point of NEEDING a thing, then I've already bought it myself. eg My slippers were literally in tatters recently, and while they are a traditional Christmas gift, I couldn't last till Christmas so I bought a pair myself. Quite happy with them.

I really can do without any more candles...............

Sorry, OP, that was off topic a bit....

We stopped buying for adults in the family years ago once the extended family expanded even more. We continued to buy for any household where there weren't children yet, or for our parents and grandparents. This was mainly cos of DH's side of the family being large. But the problem was I only have one sibling and they were horrified at that suggestion and said "oh I like the present thing at Christmas! Welll.......if you really want to cos you can't afford it you can stop buying for us, but I will still buy you and your DH something." So that backfired, cos it wasn't like we were going to sit back and receive over the top expensive presents off them and give back sweet FA in return......

We still bought for nieces and nephews even if we didn't see them often but took the stress out of choosing by asking for specific suggestions of what to buy the little ones, and then when they were older just sent vouchers or money. I'm not too bothered about receiving a thankyou. I know that kids are very grateful to receive money even if they don't voice it.

Tell them it's about sustainability, which it should be.

But also that's my no 1 argument to stop my MIL filling my house up with absolute dross.