Is anyone else's Christmas not "ruined"?

[DumplingsAndStew]

Constantly reading about how Christmas will be awful due to restrictions on travel and numbers.

A few years ago, we started having Christmas alone at home, just me and the two kids. We take it easy, have a Christmas dinner and stay in pyjamas and just chill out. Its much more manageable for of us (additional needs).
In terms of activities leading up to Christmas, the main thing we do is go out looking at people's light displays, drink hot chocolate, watch movies etc.

But according to most people, our Christmas is awful and unimaginable to them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Interesting accusation of smugness, presumably because some people listed what they are happy about instead of the (for some) enormous list of things they are unhappy about? Because seeing positives is equal to smugness now? I'm sorry that you are facing a tough season PP, many are and it is awful - however that doesn't mean no one else can be happy.

Oneglass, mine are young adults who want to see us - what is your point?

I'm really looking forward to this Christmas.

We had already decided last year that Christmas Day (all the other get togethers we end up hosting) for 14 people or more wouldn't be facilitated by us again. We've done it for 15+ years and last Christmas no other fucker even invited us over to theirs for drinks, nibbles or even a coffee. Family totally take us for granted and use us as the meeting point for all seeing each other.

If we didn't arrange anything none of them would bother with each other, but they're all happy to invite themselves here for dinner boo-hooing about how "we won't get to see great uncle Albert over Christmas unless we see him at yours".

Covid has been a good excuse for us.

Haven’t got any parents left to come to us so will likely be ourselves, children plus partners (if allowed). What I will really miss though is our church services - lessons and carols on Christmas Eve, midnight mass and the Christmas Day service. Since I joined the choir 18 years ago I’ve felt Christmas really has begun when our lead soprano sings the solo opening verse of ‘Once in Royal Davids city‘ at 6.30pm Christmas Eve. And it’s a night when the choir lets it’s hair down and we have loads of chocolate, mulled wine and slow gin in the choir vestry.....

Sloe gin....bloody autocorrect

Mine will be the same as last year. Will be seeing my parents as they live with us.

Not ruined but not the same.

Christmas Day we used to always have just the three of us, but then started going out for a meal with friends. It would be nice to do that as I don't want to cook particularly.

For us it isn't Christmas Day that's the issue. Its the days around it. Boxing Day and Christmas Eve specifically.

Regardless of any restrictions MIL will be coming to us. FIL died in April and there is not a chance she is spending the day/couple of days alone. They can fine us all they like if it came to that.

And I am determined to see my parents, my sister and my nephew. I'd also like to see my brother and his fiancee too. And DH would like to see his brother and our two nieces. That wouldn't be all at the same time but around Christmas.

We have had too many losses this year - not seeing family over Christmas would be another big blow. Just seeing family this year for the purposes of funerals and deaths is NOT the same a being able to just see them properly.

My parents and sister live about 2-3 hours away, BIL similar in opposite direction.

Wow. I have felt many ways about my familial circumstances over the past decade, but not sure that "smug" has ever featured.

I don't feel like Christmas is ruined as we spend Christmas eve/day and boxing day just us anyway, and visit others in the days before or after.
I'm gutted I won't be able to see my sister and nephew around the holidays due to location, but I will send the presents up to her and we will zoom/skype during the festive period.
DH is gutted he won't see his brother, for the same reason, but he was due to come this month instead as work won't let him have time off in December this year.
And quite frankly the less I see of MiL this year the better, but that's a long drawn out story and lockdown over Christmas would benefit me in that regard, but not DH, so I will be gutted for him if he doesn't get to see his Mum over Christmas at some point.

But on the whole, I'm fine with staying home just my lot, and we will just have a big celebration with the rest of the families when we are finally able to.

Interesting accusation of smugness, presumably because some people listed what they are happy about instead of the (for some) enormous list of things they are unhappy about? Because seeing positives is equal to smugness now?

Oh don't be ridiculous.

Whinging on and complaining about other people not being sufficiently cheerful is not "being positive." It's the exact opposite of "being positive."

Can you really not see the difference between "I'm lucky to have family nearby and financial security, and have tried to make the best of things" and "GOD why do people keep WHINGING about how tough lockdown is, I've had a perfectly lovely summer reading lots of books in the garden really don't understand all the hysteria stupid snowflakes making a fuss about nothing no resilience blah blah blah."

Or the difference between "I usually find the pressure to do a big Christmas stressful so I'm looking forward to a quiet Christmas with my DH and our kids" and "Well I'VE got a lovely family Christmas planned so I really don't understand why people are getting so hysterical just order loads of food and booze and presents and stay home playing games with your family, whiners!!"

If you're fortunate enough to be able to still live a good life, then good for you. I genuinely do not begrudge anyone their good fortune. But if you live with family who you basically like and get along with, have financial security, and have good health, you are very lucky. Why can't you just enjoy your good fortune in having those things, rather than spending time pissing on people who don't?

We spend the Christmas period visiting family. None live local to us and are spread widely over the UK so any travel and/or mixing restrictions are going to affect us badly.

Christmas won't be ruined or awful, we won't let it be, but it will be very different.

I'm happy that you are looking forward to a good season PP, many are and it is great for them - however that doesn't mean no one else can be unhappy.

We don't see Christmas as remotely ruined. We don't have a big close family , in all honesty this year saves the always awkward loaded discussion about visiting my DP (we never actually do anymore but it's always awkward conversations about it running up to it ).

We usually go and see DP mum somewhere around the time but probably not likely as she is in Wales, however there is no massive pressure either way we will visit next year at some point.

DC go to their df Christmas day evening afte ri cook Christmas dinner so to be honest nothing will have changed.

I can honestly say we are not remotely smug about anything. On occasion most years we vaguely comment that people think we are odd for being self contained (I can't really say it bothers us or we are offended by comments but we do laugh at the annual sad head tilts that people are sorry it's just us completely missing the fact that we choose that but ok then )

I will say I find it quite melodramatic that people claim their Christmas is "ruined" by restrictions but in fairness what would I know? I'm not close to my family for good reason so maybe it's different if you are. It is only one day though.

Both sides of our family go away at xmas (mine on holiday, his to stay with family in another area) so it wont really be any different. We have a clinically extremely vulnerable ds so it will be doorstep visits here if they do turn up as they haven't exactly been social distancing

We always stretch out Christmas to last 12 days, to reduce stress on any one day. Usually parents come on the 25th, ILs and we both visit my parents a few days later, some friends come for NYE and a couple will stay over Christmas.

This year it's likely to simply be all spaced out more - friend is thinking of coming down but isolating for a week before Xmas Day, my parents come by, then FIL visits my parents a week later, then we visit FIL...

Kids like watching panto on TV possibly more than live anyway.

I'll be gutted if we can't at least see parents and FIL, but willing to reduce that to a socially-distanced walk in the woods if need be, and otherwise plan lots of eating, telly, games and Zoom/Teams meetups with friends round the world.

Christmas will be no different for us, we just don't know what we'll be eating for dinner yet.

If pubs are open - me, DM and DS will have our dinner out, then I'll go to bed before a night shift. If pubs are shut, we'll have a buffet lunch then I'll go to bed before a night shift (we'll have a proper dinner on a day when I'm not working).

I used to dread the annual run around the country to see various in laws - I'd imagine passing the same poor saps on the same motorways every year.

I have a colleague who is still on tenterhooks though, waiting to see if he can go home for Christmas (NI) or is stuck here with no family and a week off work.

Shinyletsbebadguys I don't think you're being smug, but it's the fact that so many people feel the need to pepper their posts with judgemental comments about others - like "melodramatic" that's causing pain. It's just so unnecessary.

And 99% the people saying they don't see the big deal in not being able to see family mention that they live with both a husband/partner and children. It's like rich people saying they don't know why people get upset about having no money.

And it isn't just one day. It really isn't. Issues that some of us have to live with every single day - like extreme grief, abuse, poverty, job loss - are hugely magnified on Christmas and not just on the day itself but during the entire festive season, because this is a time of year when we are constantly bombarded with messages about family and togetherness, as well as the pressure of commercialisation.

You sound so bitter hurling vitriol at strangers on a chat forum.

Sorry my entire family being killed was briefly slightly annoying to you.

Nope. Totally the same as always. Just Dh, me, ds's. Roast lamb.

We would normally have a family party the week before.

@PizzzaExpressWoking

You sound so bitter hurling vitriol at strangers on a chat forum.

Sorry my entire family being killed was briefly slightly annoying to you.

That’s awful, so sorry.

Thank you.

It's really, really not hard to say "I'm making the best of things" or "this is what I'm looking forward to this Christmas" or "my Christmas is going to be good because..." without adding "unlike those awful hysterical melodramatic complainers" onto the end of it. And it's not "bitter" or "vitriolic" to ask if privileged people can express their joy at their own good fortune without attacks on people less fortunate.

Not ruined, just different. We're looking forward to seriously relaxing and having some proper downtime. Just worried that it will mean some people will have to be alone.

Sorry my entire family being killed was briefly slightly annoying to you.

I'm pretty sure no one has said that.

Ours isn’t ruined in fact it’s lovely this year we’re being extra cosy.

userxx calling someone "bitter" and "vitriolic" simply for explaining that some people have a legitimate reason to find this Christmas very hard and lonely, and to ask for some sympathy and understanding and a halt to the tidal wave of nasty judgemental comments, is a massive overreaction.

No one has been able to explain why the existence of unhappy people is so intolerable, or why they can't possibly enjoy their own good fortune without attacking others.