Help me politely tell someone their gift is awful

[Dollyparton3]

So..... every year my parents spend a not insignificant amount of money on a hamper. Every year the same hamper from the same company contains the same items.

For the last 3 years the hamper itself has gone straight in recycling, the food items have gone into cupboards (I removed 3 packages yesterday that were out of date).

The wine that is included is not to our taste. Hubby and I are big wine lovers and to us this stuff is a bit like flavoured vinegar. I found 4 bottles of the wine untouched yesterday, I don't even think it's the sort of thing we can regift to others in a hurry.

Here's the dilemma. I told my parents very delicately last year that although the hamper was lovely, we didn't make use of half the items throughout the year so we'd really prefer something that the whole family can enjoy this year. Hubby was there when we said it. There was a definite conversation, I also said that some of it wasn't to our taste so it had gone to waste.

Yesterday morning I got a text from the hamper company saying my hamper yet again from them will arrive tomorrow. I'm now making plans to take all the food straight to a food bank.

I'm not a material person as in expectant of gifts but I do get really frustrated with waste. Especially when someone else is spending good money on something we absolutely won't use. Any thoughts on how to approach this?

I don't think there is a polite way to tell someone their gift is awful.

If they know you don't much care for it and still buy it then it's just ticking you off on their list really. Hampers in general are quite lazy gift-giving (not that there's anything wrong with that, god knows it's hard enough finding gifts that everyone will like) so I can understand in a way why they keep doing it as it's easy and requires no thought, just a few mins on the website each year.

We need a link to the hamper so we can properly judge! If it's expensive, how likely is it that the wine is going to be vinegar??

You sound a bit snobbish, op.

I've bought 3 bottles of red wine that turned out to be actively unpleasant - watered down looking (not properly red) with quite a strong vinegar smell. I normally buy cheaper wine, and am definitely not a wine snob, but have kept these bottles for cooking. I've managed to get through one bottle that way in 6 months.

Still rude to give the hamper back, though. If you don't want it next year, stop faffing around saying that it's lovely but you haven't eaten it all. Instead say: "Oh, mum, don't get a hamper again, we really need an automated cat feeder, please could you get us one? I'd LOVE one! I really don't want a hamper at all. Will you get me a cat feeder? Pleeeease?"

It's too late now, but could you not contact the company and ask them for a different one from their range? The IL's wiuld never know.

There is no reason why you can't give the bottles of wine back to them for their birthdays or Christmas, as it is hardly likely they will know the exact bottle in the hamper.
It is a bit late now to donate the hamper to a fete, or school fair, etc, but if received earlier, then this is the sort of thing I would do.
I am not sure about the boil in a bag sausage, but I would otherwise use the other items someway or other.
(says someone who received their first hamper this year)

You threw away risotto rice?! You're right in that it's thoughtless of them to keep buying something you have told them you don't want, but you sound like really hard work. Would anything they bought please you?

I’d put it straight to the food bank, leave any alcohol out for your postie/bin men for Christmas.

If parents ask, I’d say look I’m sorry but I’ve donated it to the food bank. We don’t end up using the items and didn’t want to waste them. Do you remember that I mentioned this last year?

My Dad used to get a Christmas hamper from his work, every year.

In the 1960's when money was scarce and food was plain this was the most exotic thing that happened in our lives. It would be a whole evening's entertainment as we unwrapped each item "ooh'ed and ahh'ed" and wondered what on earth we might do with a tinned pheasant breast! We looked forward to it every year.

There were strangely shaped Italian pastas (when we'd only ever had macaroni), sweets that we could never afford, jams that weren't made from over-ripe fruits from my granddad's allotment, a tin of chocolate Bath Oliver biscuits, little jars of pickled vegetables and always a Christmas pudding.

I see a hamper now and I still get that wee bubble of anticipation and wonder...

It seems a bit of a pity that things once considered luxurious, seasonal, and special have become so humdrum (for some) that a Christmas hamper is something to complain about.

You have already decided this years hamper is pants...before you've even seen it.

Just donate the food to a food bank, tip the wine down the drain and throw away the hamper. It's a pity and must be frustrating. You've had the conversation but they aren't listening (or perhaps they have changed the hamper order this year?)

What sort of gifts do you send them?

I find it hard to understand that someone who appreciates fine food and wine has not found a use for risotto rice over the course of an entire year. Or that someone would believe the use by date on rice.

@LaMarschallin yep, it really goes against the grain (I'm a food snob) but I often donate things like those pasta mugshot things that just take hot water. It's absolutely shocking that this is something that needs to be thought about, but it does.

Many people who use food banks also have working ovens/stoves and fully operational kitchens.

I actually do really like the idea of a hamper party! You could host an Italian soirée in January and use it all up in one swoop!

Or that someone would believe the use by date on rice

^THIS!

yes boggling at the rice here too. Oooh look, another mean spirited Christmas thread. If you've tried telling them, as everyone else has said just treat it as an annual food bank donation.

There are lots of people in this country who think that foods actually come with an end date that automatically applies at the stroke of midnight on the given date! Madness.

Just interjecting to say that I've never made risotto and don't intend to, as we don't like it. Some of you sound incredulous that OP doesn't make it either 🙄

To be fair, a boil in the bag sausage sounds gross

It's called cotechino and is eaten a lot at Christmas in Italy - it's often served with green lentils or in a very rich onion and tomato sauce. It's delicious .

I can't believe anyone would knowingly hurt their own DP's feeling by refusing the delivery of their gift so the courier has to return it or re-gifting it back to them on their birthday or any of the other unnecessarily harsh suggestions here. It's a bloody hamper, is it really worth causing such a drama? It might not even be the same hamper! For all you know, your parents could have taken your comments on board and tried to find a different one that is more to your taste- although, good look to them as you sound very difficult to please and that might well be why they resorted to hamper buying in the first place. Even if this is in fact the exact same hamper or a different one that still doesn't meet your standards, it's hardly a massive problem is it? You just bung it in a cupboard until the next time the school are having a raffle and donate it as a prize. They'll be thrilled. There's absolutely no need to be throwing perfectly good food in the bin and there's no need to insult your parents by making a big show of rejecting their gift.

I just think that if the OP was brought up being able to tell a good wine from "flavoured vinegar"

Why do you think she was "brought up" to be able to do that? Don't you think it's more likely that her tastes have changed over the years since leaving home?

That is exactly what the PP was saying - she has changed since leaving home, maybe after she married, who knows?

I also agree with PP saying that the parents are probably taking the easy/lazy option and that would annoy me a bit, but at the same time OP, you do sound snobbish. The PP re. moving up classes rings true.

Give it to a local school as a 'prize' so they can raise funds.

In defense of the OP

• i don't like risotto
• i hate rice pudding
• orange jelly covered in chocolate sounds vile
• i can't stand pickles

My SIL gives us a hamper every 2 years and half also goes untouched, that is the luck of the draw, i'm afraid...

but with parents, you should be able to tell them directly you would rather not have it... mine just tell me to buy something I want and tell them how much - boring but they are abroad and saves on postage costs...

I’d have to say something, but it took me years to tell my mother I really wouldn’t use the stuff she insisted on giving me, but being given cheap plastic tat jewellery every time was a bit much!

Can you have another word with them, OP and say that you’re going to have an Amazon wish list or something and set one up for them too?

I wouldn't really care either way, use the items I can and give the unused items to a charity shop or foodbank.