Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Do you expect xmas guests to bring food / drink contributions?

121 replies

mrssapphirebright · 08/12/2016 16:10

Nearly posted this in AIBU but they are a scary lot in there! 

Every year my family come to me for xmas eve tea / buffet. This is now my dm, my dsis and her husband and their 2 dc, my dbro and his gf and their baby this year and sometimes her 2 dc from a previous relationship (if they are not with their dad).

I get on with them all (dsis and family the most) and we always have a nice time – lovely food and drink, board games, music, karaoke etc.

I have just been ordering my Christmas food and it dawned on me how much this festive gathering actually costs me!! For 7 adults (me and dh included) and 7 children (my 2 teens included). I usually lay on a typical buffet with alcohol and nibbles. It’s the best part of £200.

I can’t remember a time when any of them have bought anything up food or drink wise as a ‘thank you’ or a contribution. Of course we all swap xmas presents etc, but I just wondered if this was normal and as expected that when family invite you over they just put on all the food and drink?

OP posts:
PJBanana · 08/12/2016 16:20

I would usually expect guests to bring something, and I would definitely take something if I was being hosted by someone over Christmas, even just a bottle of wine and chocs.

Could you ask each couple to bring something, either a popular drink or a dessert at least? Providing food and drink for that many is a big task, and to be honest I think it would be poor form if they objected to a small contribution.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 16:23

Usually We go to a friends for Xmas and we bring always a ton of booze and normally the starter, as well as flowers and a box of chocolates as a thank you, on top of Xmas gifts.

As everyone is coming to me this New Years, they are all bringing a course each and their body weight in booze. I wouldn't expect it I think, but it's something we all do.

Original poster
mrssapphirebright · 08/12/2016 16:23

Thanks PJ. Its not that I need them to bring anything as such just wondered what the norm is and if they are being a bit expectant!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/12/2016 16:24

Sorry I would add though, conversely I think it's very rude for them to not at least offer to contribute,

Ginslinger · 08/12/2016 16:25

contributions are by arrangement - I think that it's difficult when a habit has been formed but how would you feel asking individuals to contribute something like a pudding or sprouts or some wine?

When DD comes with her brood she brings xmas cake and crackers along with anything special the DCs want and DS and DIL bring booze a something to eat for the night before - a casserole or something

HunterHearstHelmsley · 08/12/2016 16:26

I'd expect wine at least.

We still complain about my auntie and uncle for three years running. Year 1: Brought one bottle of white wine. Asked for red. None of us drink red. Year 2: Brought red wine which they'd left in their boot overnight. Moaned it was cold. What did they want us to do?! Microwave it?! Year 3: Brought zilch.

Stingy fuckers.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 08/12/2016 16:26

I don't expect it but chocolates/wine/biscuits are always appreciated.

This year my parents in law are hosting for me, DH, baby DD and my parents and auntie.
Mil has told us all NO need to take anything but me and dh will take some chocolates and champagne for us all to share and my parents will take a bottle of sherry etc as we don't like to turn up empty handed

SheldonsSpot · 08/12/2016 16:26

FIL always buys the turkey and/or some wine.

My folks bring dessert and cheeseboard.

SIL brings me a bottle of Laurent Perrier as well as a Christmas gift.

They're a good bunch!

Kel1234 · 08/12/2016 16:27

I'd never expect guests to bring anything when they come over, for a meal, for a party, anything.
I think that as its my home and in hosting I should provide food and drinks. But that's just me

SantasPantsalive · 08/12/2016 16:29

I would always turn up with drinks and probably nice chocolates or nibbles.

Losingtheplod · 08/12/2016 16:30

We usually spend Christmas Day with my Mum and Sister. It varies who is hosting, but we all share the cost. This year Mum is getting the turkey, Sister is getting the drinks, and we are hosting, and providing the other bits. So yes, in our family it is normal to share the cost. I'd have thought even more so if one person was hosting every time.

Pinkheart5915 · 08/12/2016 16:34

I would expect anyone to bring anything but I think it's polite to turn up with something small like wine/champagne/chocolate etc

Pinkheart5915 · 08/12/2016 16:34

That should say I wouldn't

SweetChickadee · 08/12/2016 16:35

My mum and dad used to host everyone each year for 3 days. All the adults contributed, usually cash. Dad reckoned it cost them a grand in food and booze Shock

It's bloody expensive and your lot are rude not to offer or bring anything.

foreverandalways · 08/12/2016 16:39

Message them all and ask what each are bringing so you can simply purchase what's necessary for your family. Times are tough and expensive! I wouldn't do it full stop. I would always take something with me and I am always given chocolates etc when we entertain. It's extremely rude and bad manners! Tell them it's cancelled and keep your money. They are all taking you for granted. X

Original poster
mrssapphirebright · 08/12/2016 16:40

I host xmas eve buffet every year and have done every year for 16 years.

Its the only time our family get together at xmas and are in one place so i don't mind it and love hanging out with them all. It just feels a little 'off' that i cannot ever remember a time when they have contributed.

Seems my family is no the norm!

OP posts:
Disraeli · 08/12/2016 16:41

I've got various branches of my family coming for Christmas Day. We take it in turns each year, and those doing the visiting do bring something, and that's expected. We plan it in advance though. This year MIL is sorting part of the starter, one of the veg sides and Christmas pudding. BIL is bringing booze and crackers.

oldestmumaintheworld · 08/12/2016 16:44

I wouldn't expect guests to bring anything, BUT they are not guests they are your family and for me, family are different. I would ring everyone and say can you bring xxx please. Don't ask, don't make excuses just tell. I suspect they've never thought of it and that's why they don't.

LizzieMacQueen · 08/12/2016 16:44

I think if you want to control (for want of a better word) the food that is eaten then you'll need to pay and provide that but I expect a lot of your cost is in the booze and for that it's normal to ask for each family to bring a selection of drinks.

I'm surprised they've never offered.

Do you ever go to theirs over the holidays?

Arrowfanatic · 08/12/2016 16:45

I always host a big boxing day buffet and invite dsis and her 2 teenagers. I don't unusually ask them to bring anything but last year 1 nephew & my dsis nearly polished off the entire buffet between them leaving the rest of us scraps. So this year I've ordered more food and asked my dsis to provide 4 bottles of coke and she's been none too pleased about it even though its only her boys that'll drink it anyway.

If we go to someone for anything we always take something. Can't turn up empty handed.

mydietstartsmonday · 08/12/2016 16:45

When we go to my sisters we buy a case of wine & get it delivered.

LizzieMacQueen · 08/12/2016 16:46

oops didn't see your update - so you never get invited to theirs? Then that's tricky.

Maybe "accidentally" email them your online food order.

Viewofhedges · 08/12/2016 16:48

My lot come for Christmas and always ask to contribute. I give them specifics, so one couple bring pudding, one bring the wine etc.

It's lovely, because even without buying the main bits it's expensive to do the rest, make sure this house has a Christmas tree etc. not to mention the rest of the hassle we all go through to 'do' Christmas!

Ask. If you don't ask you don't get and who on earth would say no!! I'd be glad to contribute if DH and I were invited for a Christmas event and we were asked - otherwise I'd turn up with wine and mince pies probably. Friend, family or total stranger.

Original poster
mrssapphirebright · 08/12/2016 16:50

No one has ever offered no.

its really not the money that I am worried about. i don't need them to bring anything. I just had a moment when I wondered if this was normal and if they were taking me for granted.

No, we don't go to their for the holidays. My dm works shifts (nurse) and always works xmas day. My sis and family always go to her dh's family and my dbro to his gf's family.

My dm has downsized now and there would be no room in her bungalow for us all. My dsis and family also have a small 2 up 2 down house with little livingroom space so again, we wouldn't all fit at hers. My dbro and gf live an hour away and although we do go to theirs for bbq's etc in the summer we have never been invited at xmas - they both work in retail, her parents are divorced and she has dc with an ex so think christmas is a bit divided and tight on time for them too.

OP posts:
bastardlyandmutley · 08/12/2016 16:52

I would expect that it is good manners to bring some booze and maybe some flowers/chocolate for the hostess.
If the invitation isn't reciprocated the following year and you host every year then I would (if I were the "guest") offer some kind of financial contribution too or offer to bring the desserts or starter in addition to bringing booze.

My sister used to come empty handed every year (stay for a few days) and it really started to feel like a bit of a piss take.