Do you expect xmas guests to bring food / drink contributions?

[mrssapphirebright]

Nearly posted this in AIBU but they are a scary lot in there! 

Every year my family come to me for xmas eve tea / buffet. This is now my dm, my dsis and her husband and their 2 dc, my dbro and his gf and their baby this year and sometimes her 2 dc from a previous relationship (if they are not with their dad).

I get on with them all (dsis and family the most) and we always have a nice time – lovely food and drink, board games, music, karaoke etc.

I have just been ordering my Christmas food and it dawned on me how much this festive gathering actually costs me!! For 7 adults (me and dh included) and 7 children (my 2 teens included). I usually lay on a typical buffet with alcohol and nibbles. It’s the best part of £200.

I can’t remember a time when any of them have bought anything up food or drink wise as a ‘thank you’ or a contribution. Of course we all swap xmas presents etc, but I just wondered if this was normal and as expected that when family invite you over they just put on all the food and drink?

I would never ever turn up for a meal/special gathering without anything, conversely if someone turned up at mine for the same without anything I would think that very rude! We have friends that come to ours around Xmas every year and they bring quite a lot, I still pay for the majority but their house isn't big enough to host us all so we always have to do it at ours, which is fine . Xx

My parents used to host Christmas when we were all younger and less financially able and through the grandbaby years. They always insisted they didn't need us to bring anything but we all took something - usually wine, bubbles, chocs etc Non perishable stuff which if not used they could enjoy afterward. We also all helped around the house with cooking/preps etc. esp when young and cash strapped and taking more modest goodies!

Now I host it and everyone comes to me and yes it is expensive. However I have the luxury of being able to afford it and love to have them. My DM, DCs et al, DB+P all offer to bring something, we say 'no don't worry' they bring wine, nice biscuits or a ham etc and help with the preps depending on individual means.

I cannot imagine accepting someone's hospitality in such a one sided manner. If staying with people I would always offer to bring something, at the least I would take wine/hostess gift or similar and offer some help. Even if its a regular rotation of visiting I'd still take wine/similar and make the offer.

Last year it was at ours. We did the turkey, veg etc. My DSIS (on maternity leave) bought the cheese df and dm bought the bubbles and dB (semi-employed) bought tea and coffee. This year dm is doing it and I am bringing port and nuts.

No, I love hosting and don't expect anything. Having said that, I usually take wine to their people's houses

Blimey.
I'm off to parents for Christmas Day and Boxing Day.
I will take at least 6 bottles of wine.
Vodka. Diet Coke
2 bottles of port
Cheese biscuits chutneys picked onions etc....
And contribute money wise.
I cannot believe how entitled and tight people are.
Oh.... and I'll be making the curry on Boxing Day!!!!

HellsBellmelons
Next year do you want to come to mine for Christmas ?

You are cooking for 14. I'm shocked that they don't even chip in with a box of chocs, drink or the offer to contribute in some way.

Is it just me who can see the pube emoji in the OP? Or do we have a pube emoji now?!

I host Christmas dinner every year with various family members attending. Whilst I always tell them I don't need them
To bring anything , they alwAys arrive with wine, sweets, cake etc. I'd never expect money or for them to provide any food for the meal but I'd find it a bit mean if they came empty handed?

Personally I hate it when guests turn up with food contributions. Chocs, wine and flowers, lovely, but desserts/starters/cheese etc - thanks but no thanks. I have planned and prepared these things already, and I'm looking forward to my guests enjoying them.

I think it's because I was brought up with the approach that guests are guests and hosts are hosts - guests were not welcome in the kitchen to help prepare or wash up as they'd be 'getting under my mum's feet'. She would have been apoplectic at the idea of someone turning up with a food contribution - it would have been taken as an affront to her hospitality.

So I find it really uncomfortable when we visit my in-laws and I'm expected to take my turn cooking and washing up. The rest of the family all love all this mucking in together, but I'm so far out of my comfort zone in someone else's kitchen that I hate every second of it.

I do think I'm a bit of a dinosaur in this though.

They should be making a contribution. I can't imagine turning up empty-handed and expecting you to provide all the food and all the drink, that is pretty outrageous. Send them an email saying Father Christmas is having a year of austerity and won't be bringing all the food and drink ( as they must think usually happens) and therefore could they all please bring their favourite tipple, and eat beforehand as you will be providing crisps and pretzels. I'm only joking, I'm sure you don't want to upset everyone but you need to change this routine now!

Could you suggest you all meet up at a restaurant as with DC getting older, Christmas is very busy and it would be more relaxing to go out?

I think there's a difference between hosting friends and family. If I was having a drinks/nibbles party for friends or neighbours, then I would expect to provide all the food/drink. I think social conventions suggest that a guest should turn up with an offering for the host; bunch of flowers, box of choccies, wine, etc, but I wouldn't be offended if a guest brought nothing.

My family spend Christmas in 2 different locations, so every other year they ALL come to me (13 this year) and in between I travel to where my 2 sisters/Dad live. We equally split the costs of the main food shop (turkey, veg, crackers, Christmas pud, etc) and we also tend to buy at least a case of wine, bottles of liqueurs, and extra nibbles. We play a lot of games and drinking/snacking tends to go on until the wee small hours!

The key is that we TALK to each other. We always have a discussion each year about what we're going to eat, costs, who's going to bring what and we try to divvy it up fairly. We also equally split all the cooking/chores, etc, so the burden is not on one person's shoulders. As a consequence, Christmas is a delightful time that we all look forward to. My parents are now too elderly to participate in the cooking, but my sisters and partners all muck in and it makes for light work. Plus we have a jug of cocktails on the go!

My MIL and BIL are coming for Xmas, she is bringing cake, pudding, mincemeat and I expect a box of other stuff. I don't ask but she helps because she wants to.

I will visit my dis for new year with my family, I will take wine and box of other food. She doesn't ask, but it would be rude to turn up and eat her out of house of home and give her family nothing.

Hellsbells that's a lot though!,!

I'm going to cousins - I've asked if they want me to bring anything. Last time, I did a cheese board and brought a load of nibbles. They drink expensive wine and I'm teetotal, so I'd never take wine. They'll be moving house in the new year, so I am not taking anything unless directed, because I know they won't want to deal with leftovers once I leave.

We are having a Potluck Christmas this year at our house.

14 people, 5 kids, 2 teens and 7 adults.

We'll provide the starters, crisps, snacks and some beer and wine and everyone else will provide the rest, including more alcohol. We'll also cook brekkie on Boxing Day morning as everyone sleeps over.

It's really not fair to expect one family to pay for it all!

We all contribute. So someone will bring the crackers and pudding, someone else the meat, someone else 4 bottles of wine, someone else the veg, someone else the cheeses, crackers,nuts,crisps,pickles,porkpie

I wouldn't necessarily expect it but people however do usually make an effort. I am doing Christmas tea for the family this year..I have decided to do jacket pots with choice of a variety of toppings. I will also be baking mince pies and cookies for afters. Someone will probably bring cake or bottle of wine or pop for the kids.

Mine won't bring anything. In our family you don't ask people for lunch/dinner/supper and expect them to provide it.

My DB and SIL will probably bring some kind of alcohol and some kind of sweet/chocolate. We probably won't eat the food or drink the alcohol over the christmas period as the meals are all planned with food and drink. The rest won't bring anything unless it is something they want to eat or drink specifically.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Wine, Fizz, port etc was all selected and ordered weeks ago

I stay with my parents and always bring some drinks for me and my db, dsis and bil to share as none of us drink much. I also bring chocolates or biscuits to say thank you. This year, I've also brought several bits for the Xmas Eve buffet just to help out even further.

my IL's always bring things and offer to pay for the turkey (which i decline). this is because my MIL appreciates the cost of it and i'm sure thinks it unfair for us to shoulder the most expensive meal of the year, every year. BIL always came for a free lunch every year without bringing anything except his beer which he always drank - but then he is a stingy git who never offered any hospitality of any kind to us.