Poncetastic 2016

[WaitingForEgg]

Ok this thread may commence from midnight in honour of Fellatio. I sadly abandoned last years mid run due to pre-eclampsia and early birth of my December baby and therefore fully intend to throw myself fully into this years festivities:

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Let's surpass all poncestastic pasts please

Amy - you need to soak them in really hot water and shake as many drips out as possible, then leave to dry the right way up, possibly on a radiator.

For a wreath to live it needs to stay fed. The usual way is to use two wire wreath shapes with lots of moss clumped between them, held together with florist's tape. Then you stick the greenery into the wet moss.

My tree is very bright. We use (warm) white lights in about triple the recommended quantities, as close to the middle of the tree as you can get them for at least a third of the bulbs. Then lots of white or silver decorations. I can't bear lametta or tinsel.

Thanks for the bottle tips. I'll try them on the radiator tonight and see how that goes. And if that doesn't do it I'll brave the oven

Mrs Hathaway, do you not end up seeing lots of lights rather than decorations? Maybe mine are just too bright even though they are supposed to be warm. Modern lights just aren't as soft as those lovely firehazard vintage ones of my childhood (sigh)

....and your wreath making method sounds considerably more sensible than mine. (Adds wire forms and moss to shopping list)

In other poncing news, I have bought large quantities of cinnamon, spices and applesauce to make a gingerbread man garland. Of course the gingerbread man cutter has disappeared. (Adds to shopping list)

I did a Christmas Flowers course when I was pg with pfb - we did wreaths and table centres (the latter in oasis).

The tree doesn't really look all lights because we have so many decorations. We usually have an 8-9 ft tree (ceiling is high in the extension) and I think we have about two hundred? Most are silver coloured baubles but we add a few every year (this year white snowflakes).

Dried orange slices this week for adding to Christmas tree and making a garland ... because there's not enough decorations already..

My living room looks like a small packaging plant atm!
I only have choccy buttons, crackers and shortbread left on my list for the hampers! Plus labels and packaging. I have also made little salt dough ornaments to go in as something to keep, I spiced them with ginger and cinnamon so they will smell lovely when people put them up!

Ponced some old tea cups with pva glue and gold glitter. Dropped a tea light in and voila ! Instant poncery !

They are lovely trumpton!

Ooh Trumpton I need to pinch this idea, they're fabulous! Dumb question, does the heat not melt the glue?

I have used tea lights and all seems well . The glitter is quite a coarse one ( the only one our little village shop stocked ) and it throws the light wonderfully .
I can't remember where I saw the idea but it's so simple and effective . I will put a battery tea light in to try but I am sure it won't be as impressive .

Oooh! They look lovelt Trumpton!

Tomorrow is the night of my Christmas cocktails and Canape party, tis the pinnacle of my seasonal poncing!

Trumpton they are beautiful!

Lovely, Trumpton!

I've added Christmas Pudding Fudge to my to-do list because I like it, and I don't care if nobody else eats it.

First narcissi are in bloom !

Today I made my first batch of mincemeat for us, some florentines (a bit scruffy) which are unallocated, and some mocha cupcakes for a Christmas Jumper coffee morning tomorrow.

I couldn't get condensed milk at the supermarket (went to Aldi where they only have evap) so tablet etc are still on the list and not in the cupboard.

Did some poncetastic wrapping of teacher's presents - box, tissue, proper wrap, cellophane, ribbon and baubles - but then lost my nerve and hid it in a plastic bag to be handed over so I wouldn't look like too much of a poncetastic twat in front of the other parents at pickup . I was really proud of it though.

I have finished the crocheted decorations for the other wrapping. Just need blocking. Fuck knows how I'm going to make space to do that in time. Naff bunting simply won't get done in time so I'll finish it at my leisure in January for a pleasant surprise when we unearth the Christmas box next Advent Sunday!

Trumpton mine are doing well and I think I'll have flowers any day! Thank you so much for the inspiration.

I did wineapples for my key workers at preschool. Though I don't think they are poncetastic more tack-tastic. I did make the tags and they looked beautiful. Manila luggage tags stamped with silver or white stamps (snowflake, geometric polar bear and geometric stag head), really looked fab.

furtive festive poncing mrshathaway!

Mummyreindeerlegz
Congratulation they look fab. Oh did you get your polar bear stamp from Skull & Crossbones ? I got one and went over all the lines with fine glitter glue for my Christmas cards , it was good fun !
So pleased your Paperwhite Narcissi are doing well.

Yes skull and cross buns, I love their stamps I have quite a few!!

Your cards look fabulous, really unique and well made.

Wineapple just for laughs, I know they aren't poncetastic.

Oh they are clever and funny !

So much for furtive.

They have displayed it on the side in the classroom as you go in

Wineapples are FUN. Also wine. And yours have turned out much much classier than the versions you see on FB Shite threads which aren't nearly as artistic (too much Ferrero and not enough tissue/cellophane).

I have never seen one on a shite thread, I wonder how much they charge, they aren't cheap to make :-)
Lovely that they displayed yours, I do think making an effort with wrapping and presenting shows you really care.

My paperwhites look stunning and smell stunning. I don't know how they'll look Christmas Day on the table though.

They're not great but mine and DDs knitted Christmas Ferraro rocher decks for nursery. She's very pleased with them at 3.5

mummyreindeerlegz
They are better than mine !
Well done !