The Mumsnet Nativity Play, Christmas 2006

[TheMumsnetNativityNarrator]

Good evening, ladies and truckers.

The children have worked very hard this term to bring you this, so without further ado, here is the Mumsnet Nativity 2006.

*

This is the story of Mary, Joseph and the birth of Baby Jesus. Along the way we shall meet shepherds, angels, wise men, a crotchety innkeeper and all manner of animals.

Our story starts with Mary having a very special visitor...

[ShepherdDressedAsBatman]

[SecondNarrator]

[flaps script bossily]

and there were shepherds abiding in the fields keeping watch over their flocks by night

when suddenly an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were very afraid!

[PercussionSection]

[Percussion section takes a bow after moment of glory with triangle and tambourine, falls over, bangs head on drum, gets a nosebleed and starts to cry loudly dripping snot and blood on to assorted instruments...]

[ShepherdDressedAsBatman]

[JollyOldSaintNikkielas]

Yr2 child in the audience very loudly
"they're getting it wronnnnnnnnnggggggggggg"

[foxtrottothefestivegrotto]

precocious younger sibling pipes up

[StarofBethlehem]

Cue star being waved with gusto...

TWINKLE - more glitters drops off into Mary's hair

[JollyOldSaintNikkielas]

precocious younger sibling and Nikkies dd1 start comparing the mistakes in very loud voices

[thechoir]

Oh. likkle town of be-he-he-lee-hem
how still we see thee lie.
Uh. Buv thy deep and dree-hee-heem-less sleep
The silent stars go by.....

[thechoir]

We WISHHOO a merry Cwithmath
We WISHOOOO a merry Cwithmath
We WISHHHOOOOO a merry cwithmath
And a happy noo year.

[PercussionSection]

TING!

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

[JollyOldSaintNikkielas]

Joseph picks up baby Jesus and starts pulling its arm out

[PercussionSection]

CRASH! BANG! WAIL!

[PercussionSection falls over drum on way out and starts to cry again]

[Troutpout]

singing...
'twinkle sparkle, twinkle sparkle

'I'm the shiniest star of all'

[StarofBethlehem]

[maryhadaharpsichordyeahlord]

[StarofBethlehem]

Star of Bethlehem leaves to do some last minute ironing. Leaves the mantle of glitteriness in the capable hands of pushy-mum's brat...

[BabyJesus]

ouch

[JollyOldSaintNikkielas]

Mary snatches baby Jesus from Joseph and starts smacking him with it

[kickassangel]

Bless!

All the mums gather around the mice pies, trying to help their LOs get changed, eat a mince pie, and have an adult conversation, whilst checking through the pictures on their digital cameras.

[kickassangel]

miNce pies

[CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell]

Elbows kickassangel out of the way and snatches the wine.

[expatinscotland]

Can I be the Virgin Mary?

I haven't been a virgin in a loooonnggg, looooonnngg time .