I told DD the elf on the shelf was moved around by parents not magic, I think I'm about to become a social pariah

[R0nJ0n]

I don't do the elf on the shelf. What other people do with elves is none of my business, but I personally find the whole thing a bit forcing Christmas magic overkill, and the elves are damn creepy.

DD, aged nearly 8, was asking me about the elf on the shelf this morning as she'd heard about it at school. From time to time I set some of her cuddly toys up in amusing tableauxs while she's at school. There's no pretence it happens by magic, she knows I do it, so I told her the elf was kind of like that and at night a mum or dad puts the elf in a silly situation for the children to find in the morning. After a bit of grumbling about why don't we have an elf (because they freak me out a little and life's too short being the answer) the subject was dropped.

Several hours later I was in Asda and it suddenly hit me, I'd told DD the elves weren't magic, but I didn't tell her to keep that to herself. She's not the sort of child who'd maliciously spoil the magic for others, but she is a pedantic little thing who likes to correct people when they're wrong. Added to this several parents of her classmates take the elf very seriously indeed, they go the full monty with special North Pole breakfasts when the creepy wee buggers arrive, and compose highly elaborate scenarios for him (Is it a boy?) to be found in.

By tommorow morning I'm going to be on the receiving end of some cat's bum mouths, aren't I?

the box of "things parents tell small children that later everyone stops believing in as they grow up".

Yes, because everyone has a box like that You are over thinking things. Most people would file Santa in the box labelled "fun things my parents did when I was small" but some like to suck the joy out of everything.

Personally, I appreciate the amount of effort that my parents put into buying, storing, wrapping and delivering presents in secret to 3 excited children. Having had children of my own, I know how much work is involved!

And again; the world is full of adults traumatised by their religious upbringing. Traumatised by the whole Father Christmas magic? Not so much.

I was raised a Catholic. The last thing on our minds when finding out Santa wasn't real was to wonder whether God was real too. Ditto the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny.
We simply didn't connect the two.

I wasn't trying to say it always undermines religious belief or that children are always traumatised finding out - just that in some cases it may do and we've decided to try a pretty low risk way of avoiding either of those outcomes! But each to their own on this one I think.

OP - has your DD mentioned shattering classmates illusions about EotS today at school? Any glares at the playground gates?

You've shown a patience and forbearance I couldn't Chloe.

Hate Father Christmas. Never did it.

I'd be really suprised if everyone really thought everyone else should tell their kids the same as them so as not to undermine them. That would be silly.

My DD was upset when she twigged about the tooth fairy (oddly she still firmly believes in santa) but she enjoys playing it for her little brother now (she gets to put the coin under the pillow). I did tell her it is very important never to tell others though in case they believe.

I actually dreamed about EOTS the other night. I dreamed that it was suddenly December, and we had promised the Elf would arrive, and that I was in bed and suddenly realised I had no plans for what the Elf would do!

Then I woke up and realised to great relief that we don't do EOTS :o

We've done EOTS for the past 4 years and doing it again this year. We don't do all the elaborate pranks though, none of that was the original intention of EOTS's creators. The elf just flew back to the North Pole each night then the following morning returned, sometimes landing in a different place/position to where he was last seen. That is all. The rest is just invented by the competitive, facebook/twitter posting, parents trying to out do each other by thinking up ever more convoluted scenarios (and also out spend each other on millions of props IMO).

Its not difficult or expensive in reality, otherwise we wouldn't do it. after the initial cost of buying the elf, you don't ever spend anything else. Each night I pick up elf from one place and plonk him somewhere else. I do it as I put the chocolate in the advent calendar. No planning with spreadsheets or otherwise is ever necessary.

As for the matter of whether my DC would be upset or nnoyed if someone told them their elf wasn't real, I doubt they would take any notice. My DC will believe whatever they want to believe, regardless of what anyone else says. Most likely they would think that child either stupid, for not understanding how EOTS actually works, or just mean for trying to trick them into not believing in something they enjoy.

Those of you who criticise CousinChloe, it has to be remembered that Santa is an anagram of Satan. Playing along with Santa make believe is fun, but some parents take it too far. Letting the myth slip gradually is kinder than outright telling a child Santa isn't real.

There is a middle ground between telling a two year and allowing a year 6 child to believe in Santa. Most children work it out for themselves. (Ie. Lots of Santas in different places at this time of year. Santa's wrapping paper the same as mummy's)

Elf on a shelf sounds very Steinerish.

Bessie I didn't and wouldn't say that kindness was something you need 'religion' for. What you're doing with your DC sounds a wonderful idea - I might borrow it! I'm currently sewing bags for a local homeless project - they'll be filled with warm clothes. It's not a faith based project either. I guess the difference is that I believe that kindness is the work of God in me and (do correct me) you might say it comes from within you.

MyGast didn't they kind of attach the winter Yule festival traditions which were already celebrated in Europe to the birth of Christ, which is how we've ended up with it mid Winter when it almost certainly wasn't. Almost all of us take bits from both. I guess my rule of thumb is not to distract from Jesus at the heart of it.

If EOTS is a marketing ploy, actually couldn't the same be said for the whole Western celebration of Christmas? Is the elf actually a parallel for how unnecessary, excessive and over the top the whole thing has become?

I am a Christian. We go to church regularly, the DC go to Sunday school as well and we focus on the nativity.
But we do Santa too without the nice or naughty bit. He is Father Christmas - St Nick, who loves children and brings them all presents at Christmas because it's a time for giving and loving and sharing.
We go to see him, we leave out a snack and we hang up stockings. In my opinion there is a lot of crap going on in the world and I'm not going to deprive my children of innocent magic and wondrous joy.
My children know what Christmas is about and we go to the crib service every Christmas Eve. There's still room for Santa though!

And when the time comes to tell them I shall tell them it is a long tradition and the parents way of showing them, when they were little, how we should love and give and care even to people we don't know. And that Christmas is a time especially to remember that.
I shall tell them that now they are older and understand that they can help spread the message and keep the message alive for the little ones. I doubt they will be at all traumatised!

I have gradually been telling mine about Santa when they are in Year 7. They have all worked it out before then so it hasn't been a massive trauma for them - prior to that if they questioned it I just said non-believers don't get presents .... they have then dropped it. No point risking getting no presents!

I now have just one DC who still believes. The others all play along and quite enjoy it. In fact my 12 year old made a PNP santa video for the youngest the other day, which he sat and showed him. It was quite sweet.

As for EOS. I agree with OP - creepy, weird and far too much effort.

Year 7!!! How on earth can an eleven year old believe in Santa. Have you worked hard to keep up with the pretence. Most children I know work it out for themselves around the age of seven. cece I suspect that your children went along with the game to get presents and kept it quiet that they don't believe.

My son stopped believing at five years old. His best friend's family did not celebrate Christmas or do Santa. The little boy got plenty of presents at other times of year and luckily had a birthday close to Christmas. When he asked me if Santa was real I answered him honestly and told him was pretend. We have fun dressing up at Santa and he still plays along at 13. As far as I know dd still believes at 6 years old.

Okay, so it seems DD hasn't mentioned that fact that elf isn't magic to any of her friends, at least she says she hasn't. However she now has a bad case of elf envy as she hears about the increasingly elborate pranks the elves have been getting up to. She doesn't care about the magic, she just wants to get up in the morning and find the elf has photocopied his bum (as one of her friends elf's did) or something similar. Grr.

She's got a little cuddly minion and we've agreed that I'll hide it in a silly place each day while she's at school for her to find when she comes in. I'm now feeling both guilty at deny her the elf, and irritated at the whole thing for putting yet more pressure on parents to endlessly create Christmas "magic". Humbug.

Nope really I've actively discussed the holes in the story with DS when he's said friends don't believe. But he truely believes that Santa does in fact fly round the world on his reindeer pulled sleigh.
Santa does his stocking and I do tree presents. i don't discuss Santa actively with him anymore in an attempt to stop it becoming a big thing but he always brings it up.

Ok, I don't have children and it has been a good 25 years since I was one, but surely kidsdon't really believe that a toy elf moves by magic?

I assume they know it's a game.

Those of you who criticise CousinChloe, it has to be remembered that Santa is an anagram of Satan.

Hahaha! I've heard this before. What a load of tosh!

An anagram is just rearranging the letters to make a new word. Here are some other funny ones.

www.you-can-be-funny.com/Funny-Anagrams.html

The word Santa can be re arranged to make Satan. Santa does not exist so cannot be Satan. Many athetists would argue that Satan does not exist either.

I found the post about the Holly King or Krampus interesting. Its shows where these traditions have come from.

Telling a 2 year old about santa 🐉 (meant to be a Grinch), I can't believe how spiteful some parents are, especially when you know your child will tell the world and their mother just so they can 'prove they were right and others were wrong 😾

When I read posts like that I just genuinely wonder why it matters so much to some parents that children believe something that isn't real, exists.

Spiteful?!? She has no idea about Santa at all at the moment, so when I tell her it's a lovely game we play where we pretend he brings us presents she's hardly going to cry herself to sleep is she?!
And if that's how it always is for her, I don't see what on earth she'd say to others about it? And if she does, what 2/3 year old is going to believe her over what their own reliable parents tell them? Really don't think this is a big deal either way!

Lamp why is it so bad to let your child enjoy believing in something magical for a few years? Not necesarily elf but in Santa. There's plenty of time to live 'in the real world' when they are older. Why try to rush them to grow up by the age of 2? There was a thread from a parent on mn last week saying she was sad because her 12 year old dd wasn't looking forward to anything at Christmas and there's one on aibu this morning from an adults who hates working and how dull life is. I want my dc to enjoy their childhood, let me and their Dad do the boring stuff and worry about stuff like paying the bills and working for now. I have wonderful memories of Christmas from my childhood, I want my dc to have some too.