I told DD the elf on the shelf was moved around by parents not magic, I think I'm about to become a social pariah

[R0nJ0n]

I don't do the elf on the shelf. What other people do with elves is none of my business, but I personally find the whole thing a bit forcing Christmas magic overkill, and the elves are damn creepy.

DD, aged nearly 8, was asking me about the elf on the shelf this morning as she'd heard about it at school. From time to time I set some of her cuddly toys up in amusing tableauxs while she's at school. There's no pretence it happens by magic, she knows I do it, so I told her the elf was kind of like that and at night a mum or dad puts the elf in a silly situation for the children to find in the morning. After a bit of grumbling about why don't we have an elf (because they freak me out a little and life's too short being the answer) the subject was dropped.

Several hours later I was in Asda and it suddenly hit me, I'd told DD the elves weren't magic, but I didn't tell her to keep that to herself. She's not the sort of child who'd maliciously spoil the magic for others, but she is a pedantic little thing who likes to correct people when they're wrong. Added to this several parents of her classmates take the elf very seriously indeed, they go the full monty with special North Pole breakfasts when the creepy wee buggers arrive, and compose highly elaborate scenarios for him (Is it a boy?) to be found in.

By tommorow morning I'm going to be on the receiving end of some cat's bum mouths, aren't I?

What! The elf isn't REAL!!
How did this little bugger get in my fridge then?

Some like it, some don't - hey ho (ho ho)

I think I'll be relieved when my 11yo DS doesn't believe in santa anymore. He also talks about our elf which is a wooden countdown thing with a pound land stocking hung on its ear that gets a chocolate in it daily as if it's real!

Why do I care what he believes in? It's his choice and not for me to dictate - and my relief will only be for hi socially rather than any other reason.

I love Christmas and Santa

That Elf is eyeing up Elsa!

Op I wouldn't worry too much. But I find posts like your really strange. Its like your proud of dismissing it.

I feel it would be better to try it, then say you don't like?

The dc whose parents do elves are delighted by it all. You can also use your imagination and do Elf your own way, you dont have to be spoon fed the USA version.

I did Elf two years ago for 5 days before xmas, I got my own elf, found a tempplate and did my own letter, nothing about being there to spy at all. Ours was there to simply get a feel for other presents the dc may like and to socialise the elf, as young and very naughty.

Our DD was WILD with excitment and so excited to get home an see where she was and every morning so excited to see what she had done.

elf did not visit last year, and wont visit this year, but I suspect will come again next year.

I wouldn't worry too much though about ruining the magic.

Youaren'tkidding, my 10yo is the same. I actually sat down and told him I am Santa (but don't tell 6yo sibslings) and he refused to believe me. He sneeringly told younger sibs, "Mum THINKS she is Santa, but she's NOT"...like I am completely deluded. He just wants to believe and loves all the magic as he has a pretty overactive imagination. I think he knows deep down.

I feel it would be better to try it, then say you don't like?

That's what I say to my DC every time I dare to cook a new meal about twice a year.

I think the Elf is a bit different.

We can't mention that Father Christmas is not real in a thread title, how did you get away with your title OP

Well Chloe, I think you'll find far more adults traumatised by their experience of God than their experience of Father Christmas. At least with FC, there comes a time when we tell them the truth.

I don't have the stamina to faff around with Elf on the Shelf. I like the fun side where he ends up up in daft scenarios but the whole "Santa's spy cam" thing is too much for me.

WRT Santa, he is real. OK, he's not actually a fat man in a red suit with flying reindeer, he is your parents but the spirit of Santa is most definitely real. Someone makes sure that presents that you really want appear as if by magic over night and that someone is Santa.

I can still remember the magical feeling of finding a full sack at the end of my bed on Christmas morning and I still have no idea how on earth my parents managed it given 3 excitable children were all bunked up together in one room. They must have had to stay up all night to make sure we were asleep!

I'm not proudly dismissing it, but I am rather cynical about the whole thing, but then I'm sure I'm missing the magical moments gene.

I was pretty much born cynical, I remember being about my DDs age, so about eight, and finding out that a friend got letters from the Borrowers (as in the book) who lived in her house. All the adults thought this was adorable, I thought whatever the eight year old equivalent of ffs is. My mum told me not to tell my friend that her parents were writing the letters, and I didn't because I'm cynical not nasty, but I found the whole thing really contrived.

When I found out about Father Christmas I wasn't traumatised, I was pissed off. To me it felt like the adults had been having a good laugh at my expense, stringing me along all those years. I've slightly reluctantly gone along with Father Christmas with DD but I also didn't want her to not have the magic of it if that was something she wanted.

When all is said and done I'm really not the kind of person who's ever going to get into elves on shelves.

As for elf on the shelf, not a chance. December is hectic enough without bringing something else into it!

This. I told DD that there was no chance we were inviting an elf to our house.

I rather like the approach of letting kids find out for themselves as described here: parentingbeyondbelief.com/blog/?p=6665

"Just before Christmas (2009), Laney’s questions intensified, but remained oblique. At one point she looked Becca in the eye and asked the most convoluted almost-direct indirect question I’ve ever heard:

“When I’m just about to have kids of my own, are you all of a sudden going to tell me something that I need to know about something?”

“Uh…not that I know of,” Becca replied. Which was true.

“Good, because I love Santa.”

“Who said anything about Santa?”

“Never mind.”"

I think the people who most "spoil the magic" are the ones for whom Santa wasn't enough magic and now we have to have a month of pretending to believe in these ridiculous elves and their tedious antics.

They stretch and stretch credulity to breaking point with obvious bullshit like letters from the tooth fairy and those stupid fairy doors.

It completely misunderstands the magic of children's imagination.

I will tell my children that those elves are not real, because they are not dim enough to believe it much beyond 3, and it casts doubt on the Santa story.

I think it's parents just trying to being some sparkle into their kids lives at a time when things are pretty scary out there.

Saying that I think the internet can put a lot of pressure on parents who are already stressed and time poor as they see what other parents are doing and feel they too need to now work a full time job, clean the house, cook dinner from scratch, help the kids with their homework and now move around and photograph some bloody elves whilst cooking cakes and doing some Christmas crafts. Every year it seems to get ramped up a little more.

Christmas, to me is magical enough, full of Bessie's awe and wonder, as a celebration of God with us.

I believe Santa/ FC/ and more recently these elves that are hyped up to be real, take away from that, until we get to the point that we're celebrating our own privilege, and something we created instead of humble acceptance of the grace and greatness of God.

But I know people who have kindness elves, and some who have faith who also encourage belief in Father Christmas. I might not agree but I respect their decision.

I told my class of German students about the elf on the shelf and they were all creeped out This is despite them having a tradition/story about the "Good St. Nicholas" who comes on the 6th and gives sweets to good children, and the "Bad Servant Rupert" who looks for naughty children and leaves a stick for their parents to beat them with!

I haven't got into the elf on the shelf because it seems creepy and life is too short, particularly for the disorganised amongst us, but they have one at school. DD told me yesterday he looked unreal and I gamely suggested that might be the point but that he might be like Woody etc from Toy Story and come alive when you're not around. She said nothing but I think she is suspicious.

My problem with this new fake tradition is that if children start to disbelieve one story, it might make them more likely to think maybe Santa might also not be true long before they otherwise might. As I am hoping we will save enough to get to Lapland before DD loses belief in Santa, I will be a bit hacked off if that turns out to be what happens when, let's face it, EOTS is just a money making import from the US.

My elf doesn't bring presents as such, he brings Christmas craft stuff, decorations as well as the silly stuff.
I don't put pictures of it on Facebook and don't buy into the 'he's watching you' type thing.
every morning they run downstairs to see and can't sleep at night as they are too excited.
One of them (my 7 year old) does drawings for the elf and spends hours chatting to the elf.
I also have fairy doors in the garden all year and sometimes when we are out in forests the fairies leave sweets for the kids.

I get its not for everyone, but for us it's really worth it, I think We are on year 6 of it now and it's grown a bit every year as the children have.

6 years? Wow - I don't think I had even heard of it until two years ago and then only Mumsnet. No one in real life mentioned it until last year.

I thought it had Scandinavian origins but the Americans elaborated the story and came up with the creepy doll?

Different houses have different rules, no-one is right or wrong. The whole elf idea does slightly freak me out.

It does hugely piss me off when people say to my DSs 'ooo you'd better be good, Santa's watching you'! Bugger Santa I'm blinking watching them and if the misbehave Santa's presents will be given to more deserving children.

This will be the last year my eldest 'believes' as he goes to secondary school next year although I still half believe

Can't imagine anything more pathetic than adults getting angry that a 2 year old doesn't go along with the Santa lie!

I have done the whole Father Christmas thing with my kids, but if they asked me I wouldn't lie about it. I certainly wouldn't worry about maintaining other families' lies about a bloody toy elf.

Adults get far, far too invested in Christmas these days. Some people can't bear to grow up.

I told my 6yo dd her class elf isn't really alive. I was fed up after being woken 3 nights in a row by 'nightmares' about him. The thing is I think she knows that her teacher is ribbing to her (I get that it's with good intentions) and she can't work out why this trusted adult is not telling her the truth and thats what's giving her bad dreams, or I guess worrying thoughts is probably more accurate. I explained how it really works but did ask that she not blab to others.

I'm convinced I'm going to have to do the same with Santa soon big man who speaks into your house at night while you're asleep

Ribbing = fibbing

Dd1 is 11 and still hasn't let on whether she thinks Santa is real! She hasn't written a letter this year so I'm kind of guessing that she's got it sussed but don't want to bring the subject up just in case she hasn't and is disappointed. But I can't let her go to high school believing in Santa - she'd be a laughing stock! What to do???