Pics with all your children's presents hurt me at Christmas

[pinklady159]

I know its not anyone's fult but i find Christmas so hard and feel like im failing as a mum last year i could only get my son 2 presents so i wrapped up so cardboard boxes so when i took pics it looked like he had more this Christmas is going to be even harder my ex left me in August and ive had a horrible year i don't think i will be able to get my son anything I know hes only going to be 20 months and wont remember but I used to love Christmas and want to make it so special for my little boy :( xx

Ooh, it takes me less than a minute to take and FB a pic, during the course of Christmas day I'll upload maybe 10?
It'll completely ruin any fun we may have had as the day only lasts for 13 minutes.

Poundland and eBay are your friend in circumstances as these, or a local Facebook selling page

NickNackNoo it takes seconds from your phone to upload a picture to Facebook. Plenty of time to enjoy yourself, considering there is 24 hours in a day.

I'll do a generic Merry Christmas post too, but then also send/message my close friends and those who I know are having a particularly hard time.
That will probably take longer than the gift pile pics, but won't detract from the fun, as it's good for dd to know some people have it worse than her, she'll eat her grit and mud selection box whilst I am doing this.

I buy my kids loads for Christmas. They dont get loads throughout the year. Alot of their stuff is clothes, books, pens, pencils etc etc.
I don't really care what people think of how we do things. We also make a big deal about spending the day as a family or with family depending on DH's shifts. So family dinner with no toys/tv/distractions. ditto breakfast. going to see Granny and taking her presents.

I work by each to their own.

It's not a daft comment, thank you very much.

I struggle with anxiety and have convinced myself of many things to make my life easier. Often when like the OP I'm having a 'bad day' I have to tell myself white lies it works for me.

When I posted this morning it was a nice little thread about helping someone with little money have a nice Christmas so it is a bit surprising to come back tonight and find it turned into a bun fight about how many presents you buy and whether you should photograph them!
The answer certainly seems to be to keep off FB if you have FB friends who make you feel bad.

www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/seasonal-chat-arts-crafts-814/christmas-new-year-799/1390225-pictures-your-children-all-their-presents-hurt-me-5.html ........

Why have you posted the same post on 2 forums?

Nicknack what has your problems with anxiety got to do with it? Your post implied that people who take the seconds it takes you to upload a photo to FB aren't really having fun because they are spending too much time uploading pictures, which is rubbish.

Op your 20 month old ds will have absolutely no memory of this Christmas.

You need to remove your Facebook account or whatever you are viewing pictures on. Permanently. Don't torture yourself over nothing.

There are toy cars for under £1 in the supermarkets and you can do the box of balloons.

When my dd was this age, I got her a set of stacking cups which were probably about £3. When my ds was this age I was so ill that I wrapped stuff he already owned for him to open. They were both thrilled.

I have struggled with anxiety and had CBT. I felt they advocated having a more positive mind set about other people's motives for doing things that might appear to be hurtful to you personally. It helped. It was something on Facebook that prompted me to seek help. Nobody posts Christmas photos to make other people feel bad. And many of us are struggling at Christmas to keep it together even if we do post photos. I miss my brother. He died in December so christmas is hard. My DP misses his Dad. But, You keep going and wrap the felt tip pens and new pyjamas and keep positive for everyone else. We have always found Christmas a struggle financially but the kids would never know and I know we are lucky in many ways.

I can see both points of view here.

On the one hand, what reason is there to post pictures of a pile of gifts on fb other than to brag?

But on the other, people are free to post whatever they like and it hardly takes a second to do so these days.

Personally, I take pictures of DS enjoying his presents but not just the actual presents. Also, getting burgled on Christmas Eve is one if my biggest fears so I don't want to advertise.

My advice OP is to take fab with a pinch of salt and don't forget, people who seem to have perfect lives may actually think the same about you. Maybe they wish they had time to do lovely activities with their do for example.

But also, maybe people who do post 'present pile pictures' on Fb could think twice about whether it might upset others. After all, yes we can do what we want, but it doesn't hurt to consider others at the same time.

We've only been ever been able to afford 1 thing to wear (clothes/pjs/dressing up) and 1 toy per child. They've never known anything different so they accept it.

It was only a couple of years ago that I realised that I wanted to buy my children everything in the word they wanted, and I felt bad I couldn't, but they didn't know that I wanted to do that. They were really really happy with what they got. I felt bad because I couldn't get what I wanted to get, they were really pleased because they got a few things. It took me until they were in their late teens and early twenties to realise this.

They have always loved Christmas and have never had a lot in the way of presents, because I could never afford it.

This year, oldest daughter said 'don't buy me anything, I would rather we had a really nice dinner and few drinks and were together'.

Honestly, your little one will neither know nor care. I hope you realised that before I did.

Have a lovely lovely lovely Christmas. With a loving Mummy your little one has the best present anyone could ever have.

LagunaBubbles I mentioned how I feel to try help the OP as it might be how she feels?!?

Usually people post on here with their own experiences to help OPs , however the longer I'm on here I see that is increasingly not the case. I shall be old school and continue to share my own thoughts which might help people. Some resonate and some totally miss the mark.

However any mention of Facebook on here tends to get extremely mixed responses

I clicked that link to the OPs same post on NM.
Fuck me.

People who spend $$$$ on their children are doing it because they (hopefully) can afford it and THEY want to spend their money like that. Does not mean the children are grabby, spoiled or any happier than children with less. Some parents just get very carried away when shopping for toys, but the truth is most kids are happy with a few well chosen things rather than having half of Hamley's to unwrap on Christmas morning.

If one of my DDs wanted a specific doll, then IMO if I go out and buy her 8 different dolls from the same range, all that does is take away from the specialness of the one doll she actually wanted.

I love shopping too, so sometimes that means gifts get held back until birthdays or I change my mind and I sell them on or donate to charity. I for one would rather give my children a small pile of thoughtful gifts than an enormous one just for the sake of it. But everyone is different in how they do things.

There is nothing to stop the OP from making this a fab Christmas for her child, presents are just a small part of the magic. If Facebook is making you feel crap about your life then it is time to take a break from it.

Laughing at the thought my friends were mean. If you have lived in the same house for 500 years and have older children you probably have all of the stuff that you want- so wrapping up eating stuff for children who were 2 months and then next year 14 months seemed sensible to me - the only reason they did it was that they had guests whose children would have asked why Santa hadn't visited the twins (their own children were past Santa stage). I can't imagine the parents buy extravagant gifts- they are very down to earth buy quality that lasts- so jumpers are cashmere but years old and darned for wearing around the estate etc. There cars are very un flash but they do have a couple of vintage ones in the garage - never seen them out through. I think they have a carriage as well as there was one on the drive during a party but not sure they have horses trained to pull it.

If the op wants to post one who forums, surely that's up to her. Why are people questioning that?

If you genuinely cannot afford a single thing for your child at Christmas (pound shop, charity shop?) then tbh I am more concerned about how on earth you are feeding and clothing your child from week to week.

I don't like the pictures of huge piles of presents. I just don't like it.
It seems a bit ott and grotesque. Lots of people do it. For birthdays or Christmas.
I don't. I generally buy one big present and a couple of 'tiddlers.

If you want the same, or can't afford any more, don't feel bad!

Op your child is so young, a box and a bit of wrapping Paper is all you need.

Just seen that this is a questionable thread, posted on MN and net mums at the same time.