Right I am going to have my say/rant on this subject then I shall shut up

[BlackMagicMiaou]

I hate Christmas. Really, really hate it.

It's no longer about religion, or family, or togetherness. It's about money. How much we spend, how much is spent on us.

It used to be a few presents, one from your mum and dad and a couple others from close family. A stocking from Santa with a satsuma, some nuts and chocolate coins in the bottom, and a new packet of pens.

Nowadays, most kids get upwards of twenty presents, plus a "visit" from Santa at school (another present), then at Santa's grotto (another one). Parents spend more and more on their kids, so it's not just one thing, but four, five, six presents they get. Then in addition to all the stuff from every relative, there's all the present giving to friends too.

It's bad enough, and stressful enough, if you have a decent income and have spare money to spend on all this stuff. If you haven't it just becomes an unending nightmare. You get pressure from society, friends, family, to spend money you haven't got buying stuff you can't afford and giving it to people who don't want it in the first place. WHY?????? What is the point??????

Add to that, all the crap you get from family when you don't get on - we are constantly sold this cosy image of loving families round the fire pulling crackers - and for so many people it simply isn't like that. Yet we are under so much pressure to conform to society's image and made to feel failures if we don't live up to this ideal.

Already I am feeling the pressure - my mum telling me that I disappointed everyone by not buying presents for my nieces and nephews last year - never mind that they are on £100k plus per year and dh had just lost his job - and that I had better make sure I get them something this year (with what? We have £140 per month to feed and clothe us and buy petrol and the car tax is due) - but what is the point really? I can't afford to buy them ANYTHING they could possibly want. Why can't I just wish everyone a happy Christmas and ask them to donate anything they would have spent on presents to charity?

I would seriously like to stick my head under the covers, my fingers in my ears and hum loudly until January.

OK incoherent rant over.

I agree

There should be a countrywide limit of £5 on pressies

I agree, though I come from a family that has never gone overboard and if I can't find something for someone, they don't get offended and vice versa. I look on slightly horrified as friends get evening jobs, huge bills to pay for Christmas. And I hate seeing children get hyper about it too.

Thank God someone does! I thought I was going to get shot down in flames.

I don't hate christmas, but do agree with you Miaou.

This year I've taken a deep breath and spoken to some family members and friends and said something along the lines of "christmas present lists are getting longer and longer each year aren't they? are you okay with us not bothering/just buying small presents for the children?

So far I've had positive reactions. Maybe they secretly feel a bit differently, who knows, but to me it's made a big difference already to how I'm feeling about christmas & the whole orgy of money spending.

I agree to a point. I hate the fact that I have to spend money on the kids dispite the fact they don't actaully need or want anything just because it's xmas.

I also hate the fact that my house is going to be filled with crap just because the rules of xmas say that dd needs 100 more toys from family and friends (even though she has a room full of things she never plays with already!) My sister phoned today to say she was going to buy dd wither a or b - I had to tell her she already has both a and b! So now she is getting something else equally pointless!

In our family we have come to an arrangement which makes things easier. No presents for adults - only children AND we have a spending limit which suits us all.

I use Christmas as an excuse to drink excessively.

Seen from that angle, it's a lot of fun .

No one can possibly hate Christmas more than I do.

My sisters and I have agreed just to buy for each other's children. No presents for adults (other than Mum and Dad - who, it has to be said, probably need a present the least). Dh and I have a £10 limit for each other - the challenge is to find the most interesting present for under a tenner.

I do buy for some friends' children, but these days I'm more likely to buy something for the whole family rather than for each child individually.

We just buy to parents. I have a huge family, 8 siblings and there are about 19 neices and nephews on my side alone. Sh only has one sister and no kids. A couple of yrs ago my family decided that there were far too many of us to buy for, including kids, so we stopped. DH;s sister took it a bit thick as we said to her we weren't buying to mine so we weren't buying to her (Not said in a bad way... just kinda letting them know not to buy to us!!) But on xmas eve she arrived here with a photo frame for us and a box of M&S biccies... I still told her we hadn't got a gift for her

We do make an effort on birthdays though, but even then it's anything from £5 til £20 gets spent.. we don't expect a certain amount or anything!

I agree to a point.

I love to spoil my DD, but as for everyone else - why swap presents when you could just keep the money and put it towards something else, like the car tax, or weekly shop!

I suggested this year, as I will have a 2 week old baby that as adults we forgo gifts and spend the money eating out at a nice hotel a walk up their to build appetites, followed by a walk home afterwards and a relaxing afternoon - but no this was met by such disgust about the cost etc by IL's that I was actually made to feel ashamed to ask in the first place.

So now they are off to BIL's and me and DH will have the day at home with DD and new baby - have to say I am really looking forward to it!

And as they have decided to visit us on Boxing Day - apparently it will be easier for me to cook a big dinner on Boxing Day instead . I have decided to serve a buffett. As DH and I will have done the whole big dinner thing the day before. And to add insult to thier injury I will be giving them a list of food to bring on Boxing Day so there is enough to eat.

My family are no longer with us, but all I get from DH's parents is grief! So I am playing them at thier own game!

we get a christmas list that goes round the family from dh's neice. she's 13. we all have to tick off what we're getting her and pass the list on. she puts argos page number, price and catalogue code by each item. does anyone else do this? i understand the idea is to stop her getting tat (her mother 'approves' the list first) and to help people get her something she'd like but where's the surprise? the excitement? nothing...just a damned list.. i hate it.

I hate the whole materialistic side of it... and having spent money on the 5 neices and nephews which you can ill afford, do you get somuch as a thank you? Not even a phone call or a note....(Bah Humbug...) Dp and I are not buying each other anything this year and am trying to limit the amount ds will get, but it likes putting your finger in a dyke......

I do feel sorry for you BlackMagic sounds a horrid place to be in, have been there so do understand.

I have a children only or no gifts rule uin place with most of my friends, and within the family I buy for children fiorst then adults later and within budget- the kids make biscuits etc to give out too, as stocking fillers, that's always appreciated but I guess that depends on the family.

I do love Christmas- just because some commercial organisations etc try to take away a meaning (and I don't necessarily mean religious) I won't let it stop me enjoying a simper version that involves family6 and friends.

I think that your niece's list sounds awful, how sad.

My family do, I must admit, tend to go overboard at xmas but as it's quite a small family it's not too bad. I get fed up with thinking of presents for people like my 96 year old grandmother. I don't begrudge spending money on her I just feel that there is nothing that she truly wants or needs.

My friend has 5 siblings to buy for, one of whom is married and has a further 4 children herself, plus her parents, plus her dp and his siblings and sil and parents as well as several friends and her grandmother. It's a real strain on her finances.

I agree that it can go that way but you don't have to let it in your house. We keep things low key financially (well, compared to most people I know). The things that matter most are the traditions that you inherit from your parents, friends or make up yourself. Kids seem to be suckers for tradition - 'this always happens on Christmas day' when they've only been around for the blink of an eye .

I know that a lot of your comments are true and I do sometimes feel stressed about it but I just can't bring myself to say that I hate it. There's still too much to love.

I love Chrimbo, but don't intend to go overboard at all this year. DS will be 18 months and we have got him a trike and small cheapy presents, all coming to about fifty quid. My DH has loads of siblings but we only buy for their DCs and they are usually pressies I think they will like but were in a sale somewhere along the line. I have told everyone that they are getting token presents this year and I have stuck to it rigidly. Christmas for us will be visiting parents in the morning and then home for play, food and alcohol (lots of!) and lots of sentimental old Christmas films on the telly (NO James Bond!)

In our family we only buy for the children.

I buy DH summat, he buys me summat.

We get some nice bits, nuts, crisps, we do not buy those large tins of sweets there are only three of us. Some white coke for DS (Slimline Tonic anyone??) And we can be perusaded to have a glass of wine.

We do not buy DS gifts during the year, unless it is for his birthday.So I refuse to feel guilty about spending Max and I mean MAX £100 on him.

Our Christmas is organised around Church on Christmas Eve and again on Christmas Morning.

Once we have been to Mass, we meet friends for two drinks in our local, then go home and close out the world.

It is not excessive and I do not feel guilty about it.

Persuaded even.

WE're having a quiet family xmas this yr.
DS is off to NZ with his bio Dad, so will not be here, will save his dosh for his birthday in Feb and PS3 launch in March.
DD wil be getting a bike, some dolls house furniture and some sweets from us.
Family will get toiletries/books and Oxfam Give a Goat voucher.
Food will be simple, lovely and non wasteful
I'll be 7 mths pregnant so am not going to want a big party.
Quiet family affair, me/dp/dd PIL and great gran and maybe my mother.

Totally agree on the money orgy aspect of Christmas, though I do enjoy Christmas i.e. the preparing of and eating of nice food with family, getting together, carol-singing etc.

I really hate getting crappy presents I don't want from people - I really would prefer nothing, as the unwanted gift causes guilt on my part that (a) it is a waste of the buyer's time and money (b) it is a waste of world resources (c) I must be some kind of spoilt brat to not want it in the first place! Luckily my family has come to an agreement - we do a secret santa thingy so we buy one decent present, and receive one decent present each.

Now I am a parent, I am already hating the piles of rubbishy plastic that we are drowning in, and I really don't want any more. Yes, I can give it away etc but what a waste of time/money/rescources. I want to encourage my children to look forward to the fun traditions - making Christmas biscuits together, decorating tree etc etc rather than to GETTING stuff.

Now, if only I could persuade my in-laws......!!

I agree that kids get far too much. and that other people seem to expect too much - my sis called me tight when I suggested a no-present pact this year. ds and dd will get a few packs of pens plus whatever my family buy (maybe a lot maybe not - I've threatened to have a unilateral no present pact with sis)

but otoh when was this time that kids got a satsuma and a pack of pens? how old are you exactly, miaou?

I agree completely. DH and I give each child one "big" present, and santa does a stocking, then each child gives each other child something smallish. And tbh they all have so many toys they don't really need that (so we are going to try and give "non-toy" presents this year - eg ds1 is getting a basketball net to put on the climbing frame, dd1 is getting butterfly fairy lights for her room).
BUT we come from an ENORMOUS family - dh is one of 5 and with spouses and children there are 25 on his side alone, and each of them give the children something, plus also his 3 first cousins/spouses/children and aunt and uncle do as well, which means we have to buy for all of those, so that is another 12 people.... ie 37 people before you even start on MY side of the family.

I would be quite happy not to get anything from any of those, and keep it to presents for children under 18 only. But it seems to be impossible, I have no idea why.
I end up doing a huge charity run in the new year with all the tat that gets given (because nice presents would cost too much given the numbers involved!)

We're going to handmake cards and decorations this yr as well. Plus make out own cake and puddings in advance.
I draw the line at keeping and killing the turkey
Infact I LOATHE turkey.
I'm going to do LAMB
Or get a goose...

PrincessPeaHead - totally agree with you on the quantity not quality aspects of presents. I get filled with dismay when I see all those 'gift sets' piled high in places like Boots. Who really wants a 5 quid set containing three minature bottles of bath stuff, all wrapped up in excessive quantities of plastic. What a horrible waste.

How about buying 'family gifts' like e.g. vouchers for the cinema? Vouchers for DVD rentals? A voucher for a photo-session - something they can do as a family, and which they can get fun out of rather than yet more tat to add to the tat-mountain that we all suffer in our homes

Ooh - this thread has really got me going now. I could go on and on

I hate my in-laws' take on Christmas - they are very generous, but the whole thing makes me feel uncomfortable. First they ask for a list setting out precisely what we 'want' (always a nightmare - we have to think of things that they can easily buy, like specific book titles etc). I hate this as it feels really greedy - like we are demanding that they buy xyz for us. However, the alternative is that they buy us pointless crap we don't want or need. Second, they proceed to buy EVERYTHING on the list, so we have to be careful now about what we say - and not to mention to anyone else that we might like a certain thing.

They do nothing, and go nowhere, have no interests etc, so it is very difficult to buy for them (and yet there is an expectation for exciting, different every year, 'surprises'). Recently we have been getting magazine subscriptions for them, amongst other things