Right I am going to have my say/rant on this subject then I shall shut up

[BlackMagicMiaou]

I hate Christmas. Really, really hate it.

It's no longer about religion, or family, or togetherness. It's about money. How much we spend, how much is spent on us.

It used to be a few presents, one from your mum and dad and a couple others from close family. A stocking from Santa with a satsuma, some nuts and chocolate coins in the bottom, and a new packet of pens.

Nowadays, most kids get upwards of twenty presents, plus a "visit" from Santa at school (another present), then at Santa's grotto (another one). Parents spend more and more on their kids, so it's not just one thing, but four, five, six presents they get. Then in addition to all the stuff from every relative, there's all the present giving to friends too.

It's bad enough, and stressful enough, if you have a decent income and have spare money to spend on all this stuff. If you haven't it just becomes an unending nightmare. You get pressure from society, friends, family, to spend money you haven't got buying stuff you can't afford and giving it to people who don't want it in the first place. WHY?????? What is the point??????

Add to that, all the crap you get from family when you don't get on - we are constantly sold this cosy image of loving families round the fire pulling crackers - and for so many people it simply isn't like that. Yet we are under so much pressure to conform to society's image and made to feel failures if we don't live up to this ideal.

Already I am feeling the pressure - my mum telling me that I disappointed everyone by not buying presents for my nieces and nephews last year - never mind that they are on £100k plus per year and dh had just lost his job - and that I had better make sure I get them something this year (with what? We have £140 per month to feed and clothe us and buy petrol and the car tax is due) - but what is the point really? I can't afford to buy them ANYTHING they could possibly want. Why can't I just wish everyone a happy Christmas and ask them to donate anything they would have spent on presents to charity?

I would seriously like to stick my head under the covers, my fingers in my ears and hum loudly until January.

OK incoherent rant over.

I actually read your name Blondilocks as Bollocks for a minute there and thought what a cool name that was!

Oh I hate it when you don't get a thankyou. It's not hard - even a txt would suffice. I always get LO to write thank yous r phone round as soon as possible.

I love Christmas - but only because we do it our own way! We don't go overboard with presents for DCs - or anyone else for that matter. We do go to Christingle, school nativities & Christmas morning service. We are starting our family traditions - going with mummy to buy the tree, helping to ice the cake, having all the neighbours over for drinks etc.

Also, its DHs birthday on the 18th so we don't decorate the house until at least the 20th.

But best of all, as we have lots of animals it's not practical for us to go anywhere for Christmas which avoids any problems with that! On the other hand, I love it when everyone comes to us because we have the space and I'm one of the few who are happy cooking for 20 or more people!

The DCs always send thank-you notes, which I write on their behalf, and they 'embellish' themselves.

We don't get nearly as many back!

DH and I decided only to buy for kids (ours, neices & nephews etc) this year. We've told everyone that we are broke and not to buy us anything because all the adults are going to get is some homemade shortbread. I'm going to put it in tins that I have bought from charity shops and resprayed. This way we save a considerable amount of money (or rather our Mastercard does) and all the charity shops in town have a little donation too.

I try to give people categories of gift that i would like and then let them pick something, eg I would like a nice coffee table type book, or I would like a warm scarf. I hate it when I get asked to tell my parents exactly what I want or pick presents myself. I only do this if I need clothes as otherwise things often don't fit.

"It's bad enough, and stressful enough, if you have a decent income and have spare money to spend on all this stuff. If you haven't it just becomes an unending nightmare. You get pressure from society, friends, family, to spend money you haven't got buying stuff you can't afford and giving it to people who don't want it in the first place. WHY?????? What is the point??????"

I would agree with you Miaou particularly on this point. My DH who is usually sensible with regards to many things asked me last year to buy a Christmas present for his friend's daughter aged 6. He has known this particular couple for years but I hardly know them as we as a couple rarely meet up with them. I do not wish to appear churlish here but I do not know her daughter at all, she is a complete stranger to both me and our son (they attend different schools) and we lead different lives. I put this particular problem to the Court of Mumsnet last year and their verdict was although I had a point it may just be easier somewhat to buy a small gift anyway which is what I did (used some nectar points so at least did not have to hand over any cash or my credit card). I was annoyed though to be asked by him to do this - I am not sure what my response will be this year. I'm just waiting for him to ask me.

Spending Christmas abroad therefore has appeal to me on many levels.

williamandsamsmum,I would be absolutely delighted to receive a gift of homemade shortbread!

When I read this thread it seems to be less about Christmas than about the perennial difficulty of communicating with family.

Horrified at Dizzybint's niece's ticklist. Surely someone should sit her parents down and have a serious word.

Dh ahs pointed out to me that what we regard as a blow out might not count as one to some poeple here LOL! We spend 10 - 15 pounds on family members / in laws, and we make Amazon lists which we all have the option of buying from- this si because several of us are studying and buying text books is a pain. Kids might often get a little more, though this year it seems towork out at less because that's just what the price of what i wanted to get them was, iykwim.

We psend more on my parents as they help a lot- but £20 each was magically turned into £100 each by a generous company running out of what we wanted to buy them (a tent- they asked for one) and replacing it with a much better model LOL!

Don't buy for many friends, £5 - 10 for kids.
£15 for joint couples (OK, two kids and one couple LOL!)

Kids amke presents for evryone, usually stained glass biscuits or something similar.

We don't use credit cards, haven't for many years, learned the hard way.

I think I'm very precious about Christmas, but it's for several reasons. Firstly christmas was huge in our house as a child- Dad worked almost every day (sometimies christmas night) so the together time was special, also as he was rather poor as a child (two unemployed parents- one disabled, one alkie- and sixteen kids) Christmas wasn't much and he always promised to do better for us, and did.

Maybe it means different things to do different people? I certainly find myself even more inclined to make a priority of it now as I live away ATM and do nto see them very often at all.

peachy, that doesn't sound like a bow out. if you look further down the thread, there are people talking about spending £1k or more on kids - THAT's a blow out, and then they can't afford food in Jan!
I think the point is, there shouldn't be so much pressure to conform to what other people want. my parents understand that witha young child we may have other priorities with our spending. if we couldn't get them a present they'd be very happy with a home made card, and would probably get us extra to help out.
it just seems sad that some people are under pressure to give, give ,give.

Dad used to spend that much in the 1980's and (I know I'll get slated over this} yes it did make for rather good christmas's.

I suppose if you have £50, then £50 is a blow out... it's all relative isn't it?

My aunt's family have decided to nearly boycott christmas this year. They have requested no presents and are not buying any. They are going to have a proper family day together, going out for a walk in beautiful countryside and taking a picnic of delicious things. They are only sending cards to family. I quite like their take on it, and it's understandable considering that she and my uncle work in retail.

I love christmas, but don't like the excessive spending so buy special things I know people will love, but they don't have to (and usually don't) cost the earth. My dad's a vicar, so christmas has always meant more than just presents, and my favourite part is christingle. My memories are not of the presents I got when I was younger, but of the days spent with my family.
I agree with you to an extent Black Magic, and hope your christmas isn't too horrendous x