Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

trex do you love it too? I keep seeing loads of shades in the charity shops and reckon I could make it for under a tenner. I'd only use scraps, ribbons etc that I already have.

Right, oh poncetastic ones. Last week I found some wonderful bendy branches (not sure what they are but they're as thick as my finger). I gathered loads and got DH to come and pick DS and I up.

They would bend to make a wreath but I've no idea where to start - maybe do a 5-pointed star or could I do this? Use string? I'm not at all crafty but why let that stop me!

I am now all stocked up with brown paper, red and white twine, gingham ribbon, luggage tags and gold pens. I need to get some tissue paper for the stockings and get a couple of bits of coloured wrapping paper. At the moment I am liking the M&S London paper and the Waitrose essential red and white rolls, but I am waiting to see what Aldi have before I buy anything.

Half term, DD's birthday and Halloween next week, and then I get to start dedicating more time to poncing. I will start by getting the advent stuff completely ready and then finish the present shopping before I start on the cards.

I do Ruby, I keep roaming the house eyeing the lampshades speculatively , charity shops are definitely the way to go. Might have to do the rounds this weekend and see what's available!

I'm new to this and not v crafty by nature but hoping to et some help and advice from joining this thread! I'm reading through the full thread but haven't got through it all yet so sorry if this has already been asked but when is the best time to pick sloes for sloe gin? Am I too late? My nana used to say after the first frost which I don't think we've had yet but it seems late? I'm sure she used to start her gin around end of sept? TIA

Fraggle there might be some left, depending where you are in the country. The further north the more likely you'll still get some. Someone on here told me instead of waiting on the frost just out them in the freezer and then take them out to use.

waitingforme are your branches willow? A star would be easy to do. You could use wire or string for the joins and then cover with raffia? I made one using the big long cinnamon sticks, just made 2 triangles first and then turned one upside down. If you are going to try a wreath I think they advise soaking the branches (if they are willow) in water for a day first to make them more pliable.

Fraggle, pick your sloes whenever you like- wash them and freeze. Works the same as a frost! Plus it means you can do the gin whenever you get the mood and not in a rush...

Just strained my Christmas pudding vodka, it tastes amaaaaaaazing! [scans food and drink bargain thread looking for deals on more vodka]

Thanks for the tip on freezing rubybrazilliianwax and screamsinthenight we're pretty far north and there's loads of sloes just up the road so I'll go for a walk and see if I can get some tomorrow!

Where can I find the recipe for Christmas pudding vodka please? I bought 2 bottles of cheap vodka a couple of weeks ago with the intention of doing something poncetastic with it.

Has anyone got a recipe of recipes for black currant vodka? I've got a bag in the freezer from earlier this year that need using up

snowgirl I Used this one from BBC Recipes.

300g mixed dried fruit
75g caster sugar
2 cinnamon sticks
2tsp ground mixed spice
6 cloves
Half a nutmeg, finely grated
Zest of 1 orange
Zest of 1 unwaxed lemon
750ml vodka

Mix ingredients in a large bowl, pour in vodka. Cover with cling film and fridge for 3 days, stir daily.line a sieve with a double layer of muslin, place over a jug, pour the mixture into the sieve and allow it to drip into the jug.

Mmmmmm...

Thanks TyrannosaurusBex, sounds lush. Does it really only take 3 days to 'brew'? I was worried I wouldn't have long enough before Christmas!

Do you just soak the labels off the original vodka bottles and put the Christmas pudding vodka back into them?

Shamelessly place marking

waitingforme ....there is a fairly good guide HERE to making willow decs.

Yep Snowgirl only three days until you can drink it bottle it! I put mine in small glass juice bottles that my DDs buy from a nearby cafe, the slightly annoying thing is that from 750ml of neat vodka you only get about 550ml of flavoured vodka because the dried fruit soaks up so much booze, so the original bottles don't 'fit'. Still, putting it in small bottles makes it go further as presents.

Thank you for the stocking hanging and decorating suggestions. Someone is having the same problem as me and started THIS.

Rubybrazilianwax linked to a couple of things on Pinterest that have given me an idea. I think I will get two little suction cups with hooks attached to stick to the window frame, and then slide a poncestatic branch decorated with tasteful ribbon and maybe some greenery between the holders to hang stocking from. So a cross between THIS and THIS.

Christmas cake is in the oven as I type. Fingers crossed it works out. I have never made a fruit cake before, let alone a Christmas cake.

Has anyone ever made Nigella's Paradise Chutney from How to be a Domestic Goddess (recipe)? I'm thinking that I need to expand my chutney repertoire beyond Mary Berry's Christmas chutney.

TyrannosaurusBex, thanks for the warning about needing smaller bottles. The Christmas pud vodka is brewing and I've found a couple of 500ml Fevertree Ginger Beer bottles which should do the job. So I get bottles for the vodka and DH happy as he loves ginger beer. Is there anything you can do with all that lovely boozy soaked fruit???

How are people planning to decorate their Christmas cakes? I'm thinking of this but I love this one but might leave that one until DD is a bit older (she'll only be 2 just after Christmas)

That is cute!
I make several cakes for other people and the most popular finishes have been 1) covering the whole thing in lace effect squiggle piping (like this and then adding a red ribbon like this
Easy to do, looks just like a wrapped present!
and 2) flat icing the cake, make a largish circle in the centre and dust it with the very faintest coloured green caster sugar (it shouldn't look 'green' just the slightest greeny twinkle). In the middle of the circle create a pile of white sugar paste pine cones, leaves, small christmas roses and some royal icing 'twigs'.
Sorry I can't find a picture, but the idea came from a magazine donkeys years ago, and I can't find an image like it on t'interweb.
Looks seriously stylish when done though.

foxtrot I highly recommend the apple cider chutney on the bbc site, by far the nicest Chutney I've ever tasted either bought or home made, went down well as presents.

Can I join in too please! I usually make a christmas wreath with bits from my dad's garden, christmas biscuits and gingerbread house from scratch with dc and dodgey cut out snowflakes and paperchains but looking forward to catching up with the thread and getting far more poncetastic and organised this year

The other year to decorate the cake I got red and green icing, dusted the green with edible glitter, cut Christmas trees out of the red and then filled the holes with the glittery green trees. Covered the cake with this so it looked like wrapping paper and then put a ribbon over it to "tie it".

Lakeland are selling a book of decorating christmas cakes (which I think MIL might have bought me for christmas this year).

I got the sleigh mould from Lakeland yesterday, instead of the gingerbread house one. I might need to practice a bit.

Can I just say...IT'S NOVEMBER!! I consider this to to officially be The Festive Season. [goes back to sleep]

Guys anyone found any nice Xmas day or Xmas eve outfits?