Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

Thank you so much to whoever linked to the Magpie sale

The spiral wash and make up bag arrived yesterday - its lovely. And only £6

Ooops so sorry, wrong Christmas thread

I will clear out the kitchen cupboards today, see what dried fruit I need to get for the cake, buy it and soak it. And I will clear out half a cupboard to be a Christmas food cupboard.

IsaacCox so many people are talking about jam and jellies. Especially Nigellas sweet chilli jam, my question is, how would you serve this? With what? Sandwiches, breakfast, cold meats? Does this chilli jam go well with all meats....

I find chilli jam goes with pretty much anything- cheeses, cold meats, crackers, bacon sandwiches, chesse sandwiches (any sandwich!), sausages... My favourite is to just dip chunks of cheese in and munch.

I agree, we really need to get our ponce on
So far I have made my sloe gin and blackberry vodka. Going to have a go at nigellas chilli jam this weekend. Should I buy specific jars or can I recycle? I am actually nervous about the whole sterilising thing.
Craftwise I have a huge bag of pinecones mixed with cinnamon oil drying away in the hot press. Need to get cellophane bags for those. I bought huge bag of 20cm long cinnamon sticks which I will break up to put with cones and tie with gingham ribbon & a luggage tag. They will ooze poncetastic. (These are for swim coaches, violin and piono tutors)
My red & white nordic bedding (god I LOVE saying the word nordic) arrived which ver ver rusticy.
On my craft to do list are:
Going to attempt something like bauble chandelier pinterest this chandelier but in my own colour scheme. I have a small wooden hoop that I'm going to use as my starting point. It would have to be battery lights though.
I also quite like this vintage lampshade tree what do you fellow poncers think of it? I was going to attempt making one

Now I feel much more poncetastic after that post

Ruby you can recycle your jam jars to make it cheaper. To sterilise, just wash the jars & lids in hot soapy water and make sure all old labels are off and then dry and put upside down on a baking tray in a low oven (100 degrees ish) until you are ready to fill them. Nigella's chilli jam is yummy - I've made 2 batches already!

Got a tesco delivery coming in a minute with ingredients for making mincemeat! Quite excited, as it is my first time of making it! I've got a load of ikea kilner-style jars all ready for it!

I do feel slightly panicky that it is only 10 weeks until Christmas, as other than making vast amounts of jam/chutney/sloe gin for present hampers, I have done no other prep or shopping, and am at a total loss as to what buy the DC for Christmas and how to decorate our new fireplace! I'm hoping to spend tomorrow getting some planning done while DC are at school & nursery.

I am addicted to the home made gherkins. Just had to make another 9 jars as have already eaten the 3 I made earlier. Oops.

What are you eating them with hanbee?

Can I use regular 'supermarket' cucumbers for making pickles? You can't get the little ones anywhere.

I'm eating them with anything bread and cheese, wherever you'd eat a pickled onion I guess.

I made them with regular cucumbers, well massive ones as we grew our own this year. You cut them into strips so it all works fine.

Huzzah! I'm a pickle fiend so I best make many jars! Thanks

I still have done n.o.t.h.i.n.g towards poncetasticness yet, but I'm thinking about it a lot.

We are in a new house this year, and although the last one was on more than 4 acres, with tons of holly and ivy all over the place, this house will lend itself better to poncery.

I am still painting the woodwork at the moment, but once that's finished, the downstairs will cry out for holiday decoration.

How many of you make your own wreaths? How do you keep real greenery from wilting before the Big Day? Or are we supposed to use faux greenery for wreaths? (Don't tell Martha Stewart I asked.)

I am about to get a new front door, and I'm thinking earnestly about painting it an orange-y red. That will mean no actual red on the wreath, I think, but I thought something lovely in many shades of green will be nice.

I'm going to start my wreath tonight. It's a yarn one so no real greenery. I will have feathers though!

I would like to make some kind of homemade confectionary for my work colleagues, I have zero poncing or cooking talent so needs to be really (and I mean really) easy. Can anyone recommend something which looks really good for minimum skill?

Coconut ice is the easiest thing EVER! And it looks great in little bags for gifts, you can change the colours too if you didn't want pink and white as traditional, you could do red or green for a Christmassy twist. I'll find the recipe I use..

coconut ice

Also try Nigella's hokey pokey, it's like cinder toffee and it's ridiculously easy and looks very posh dipped in chocolate.

Thanks Titsa re coconut ice recipe. sounds an easy thing to make with kids. I'm going to give this a go. Any idea how long it lasts?

Oh, thank you for the coconut ice recipe. We'll definitely use that!

I am in the midst of some organisation of my craft things, so I can start planning my Christmas cards. I have been a bit lazy and bought them the last couple years, but back to making them this year.

Irene, if your wreath is for an exterior door, the cold will keep it fresh.

It's just our centrally heated interiors that are the problem, where in order to last foliage needs stems to be in water. Originally evergreens were only brought in to the home on Christmas eve to decorate with so no problem with wilting.

Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

It's my birthday slow on the uptake here but whatever

Happy belated birthday CackleCackle!

I finished my first ever Christmas wreath. Yay! Picture on profile if anyone is interested.

The flowers are meant to be at the bottom. I don't know why it's been turned.

Irene you can buy a florist foam wreath to soak which will keep your foilage fresh or a cheaper alternative is to cut one block of foam up into smaller blocks and use duct tape to wrap at intervals around a cheap wire ring.
Was in home bargains just now and bought some pretty boxes for putting foodie bits into, also 150 mini christmas cupcake wrappers for 79p, not gaudie ones naice red & green gingham ones. Also red and green retro paper straws which will look pretty for a party for dc at xmas.Also their brown cardboard wine bottle boxes will be gorgeous for my sloe gin. Its all in the presentation people
Tk maxx had lovely american style jars of christmas sugar (red & green) you could use these for baking or to add in with a foodie hamper.

Thanks for the coconut ice tip, that's a great idea. Where would I find naice (but cheap!) little cellophane bags to put them in? can you tell I'm a newbie to poncing

onewiththehair thats gorgeous!