Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

Thanks Ruby. I'm a bit chuffed with it.

Ooh, can I join in? I have just about finished buying presents for the DCs and can now concentrate on poncing. I made my sloe gin this week and have just been checking the store cupboard for the ingredients for Christmas pudding vodka. I'm having a yearn for that lampshade tree...

Lakeland for naice cellophane bags, they even do festive ones if that's your erm.... bag

No clue to how long it lasts, I used to make it for welcoming people at the doors of the panto I used to be in every year, it only ever lasted a few minutes.

Remarking place as I need to up my ponce

I might be able to ponce up the house this year after all! I posted earlier about the grim filthy paisley carpet that blights my sitting room. DP has agreed to ditch it asap, and I have just ordered a load of bamboo flooring samples. With a bit of decluttering, and a floating shelf over the gaping hole in the wall where I ripped out a gas fire shabby chic fireplace to make a mantelpiece, I think I might manage a lovely tasteful Christmas in one room at least.

I'm finally getting around to making the pickles today.

I went to Dulnem Mill and got the lovely gingerbread man throws and IKEA to get the gingerbread house kits, table runners, placemats and elves.

Right, I am now ready to start poncing! I have finally done the household sewing tasks so I can start making the Christmas stockings. I've got some gorgeous Christmas fabrics from the moda aspen frost collection carefully chosen so the stockings will complement each other.

Currently having a micro-strop over my very modern open fire just having a chimney bit and no mantel piece to decorate. Not sure how the stockings will get hung up.

Going to get fruit in to soak tonight so I can make the cake next weekend, and I need to plan some chutney.

I have now made my mincemeat, Christmas cake, and Sloe Gin (2 bottles only WTF are the sloes this year!?). All Sarah Raven. I usually do Delia so interested to see how things will compare.

Now embarked on a huge pre-Christmas cleaning out of cupboards & drawres. I shall be selling old toys if I can smuggle them out of the house.

Next on my poncing list is a trip to Ikea for knitted cushions and giftwrap, 'making something with pine cones' and planting up bulbs for indoor decoration.

Also I might get some small conifers from Ikea and make indoor minature window boxes for the upstairs hall- with teeny decorations on the trees and underplanted with bulbs/moss & a bit of fake snow. Would only be able to bring them in for xmas week but would be lovely and poncey.

Has anyone seen any good paper garlands suitable for a hall- i.e. cross ceiling ones, not too bulky- maybe white snowflake?

The sloes are all outside my house, there are millions of them, the hedgerow is groaning, I've made Sloe Gin but there is only so many bottles I can make a year!

screamsinthenight someone must have got out picking before you? I was amazed at the amount of sloes growing
foxtrot you could put your stockings before filling on a length of ribbon across the chimney breast. Or hang from between spindles on the stairs

Has anyone seen any red and white wrapped sweets, sort of like candy canes but round sweets, i'm fancying some in a glass jar on the kitchen table as part of a centre piece, darn pinterest.

There are no proper sweet shops around here :(

foxtrot have you got stocking hangers?

We don't have a mantle, dds stocking is hung on a hanger on the tv cabinet, for decorative purposes, but magically appears on the end of her bed during christmas eve.

At the risk of sounding a bit dim, what's a stocking hanger? I'm imagining it to be similar to a festively themed cupboard door handle that you can hang stocking from.

That reminds me, I mustn't forget to include hanging hooks when I make the stockings.

No nice banisters to decorate either - my stairs are enclosed by a solid brick wall with a very tall radiator attached. And just to make the Christmas decorating a bit harder, we don't have any window sills either...

Yes, someone did get to them before me! Still have hopes of finding more. I could see their trampling footprints all around the bushes, bastards. [cross]

That's challenging Foxtrot. So what rooms do people ponce at Christmas? I always do front room, dining room, kitchen, porch, then a little bit in the upstairs hall.

My mum used to do EVERY room! Even the loo was decorated. I think this is a ponce too far.

Iced Tea- Mint Balls?

...or if you prefer a more challenging sweet- I give you Bacon Candy I would be horrified to put one of these in my mouth thinking it was peppermint...

Yay, i woke up this morning and thought "must check poncetastic" and here it is :)
Am just about to order the cath kidston planner..

I am doing a 5 day candy buffet this year in the living room

We moved house this year to a perfect Crimbo Entertaining House from a titchy terrace. So i will be poncing every inch possible !

I have the Martha Stewart Holiday book if anyone wants anything out of it

screamsinthenight bacon candy is the right colour, but not quite what I was after .

foxtrot... a stocking hanger is a heavy ornament with a hook this kind of thing

Pray tell what is a 5 day candy buffet?

christmas cake smells wafting through the house as I write... lovely. delia says to bake for 4 1/4 hours but it has only had 3 1/2 and I am too tired to stay up so I have just left it in the oven and turned it off. fingers crossed. I have read a few messages on here that say people think 4 hours is too long anyway. ... ds aged 2 had a wonderful time "helping" me in the kitchen this evening too, which gave me an early feeling of Christmas cheer!

candy buffet will be going up on christmas eve and coming down on the saturday - 5 day candy buffet

Foxtrot could you do something like this on your enclosed staircase wall? The washi tape easily peels off.
Or this would be very cool and narrow for a hallway.
Or if it was me, I'd buy one of those big big canvas from the works for £10 and paint a tree on. Poke holes through & push little led lights through to look like a sparkly tree.
Disclaimer: I am quite fanatical when it comes to festive decorating