Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

editededition my Christmas cake is in the oven! Then entire house smells divine & the mixture tasted lovely - could really taste the brandy and the lemon. I did my usual thing on grease proof paper well above the level of the tin to prevent top burning. However I seem to have made enough for 2 cakes, my DF will be pleased!

We do special breakfast on Christmas morning. English muffins, scrambled eggs and Waitrose treacle bacon.

It was a one off that dd requested the next year and it's since become a tradition.

I love it as it's a little bit of calm in a pretty manic day.

My cake always catches a bit. I do the tall sided baking parchment but it's not enough. Any other tips? Mind you, I have a new oven this year so that's a whole different world of issues to deal with.

I will be checking my cake in 15 mins. It will have been in for 3hrs. Last year I listened to Delia and left it for four hours and it burned.

I am scared.

Good luck bymoonlight, it's always a hair raising moment.

Thanks Free.

Its not burnt but the sides may be catching. It needs at least another half hour though. The top wasn't springing back.

I'm doing Nigella's Black Cake. Buying the fruit and booze tomorrow (needs two weeks soaking). Might have to make a separate wee pot of it as otherwise I'll be sneaking tastes and the weight will be all wrong

I'm pg and the term 'wee pot' has completely different connotations to me atm, I had to read it twice

My cake is springing and isn't burnt - yay! and phew!

Can I slip quietly in and maybe join you? Not sure I live up to Poncetastic expectations though.

I'm going to make a Christmas cake this year for the first time in years - using my Granny's recipe, and the fruit has been soaking since Friday. Plan to make the cake tomorrow or Tuesday.

I made mincemeat for the first time last year, and I still have some jars of it left, so will be using that this year to make my pies.

I made small Christmas stockings for everyone a couple of years ago, and we use these as table stockings each year - keeps people occupied between courses and I try to include things to get people talking - quizzes, jokes etc. They are red felt, edged with blanket stitch and with a green Christmas tree blanket-stitched on the front. I also cross-stitched name labels for them.

Have had my tree in the conservatory for the last few years as I was scared my DD would pull it over, but I think I'm going to risk putting it in the sitting room this year to make it feel more Christmassy. I already go to town on the fireplace, with a garland, lights, wooden advent calendars and candles, so with the tree alongside it should make the whole room feel very festive. I love sitting with just the fairy lights on with carols playing in the background.

Yay, Bella!
The smell is so amazing isn't it.

Don't worry if the currants standing proud of the surface get a bit blackened ...it always happens and makes absolute zero difference to the taste of the cake :-)

Just looking at times ...I suspect it may be out of the oven already!!

I think you're all right - austere 40s and 50s Scandi stuff is the next big thing. Lucky for me, as lots of the furniture in my house is from the charity shop and loosely that era!

I love the snowflake video Ruby, cheers for that I'm definitely going to give those a go.

I spent ages and ages last night looking at remote control LED candles on Amazon. There is too much choice. If anyone wants to recommend a certain brand I'd be grateful!

I got my remote-controlled candles from Costco last week. There are 6 for about £23. They look the same as these ones from Lakeland Ltd.

Ooh just had a look at the pearl and earl website, have seen quite a few things I'm going to buy one day when I've been paid! I especially like the red and white striped butchers' twine, which I was after last year and couldn't get hold of, and the wide 'no peeking' giftwrap tape, that's pretty cool.

I really like their tissue paper snowflakes as well. Thanks for linking to it!

Ooh, 6 for £23 seems pretty good, thanks Anne!

Just found the receipt MrsOgg and they were £19.99 + VAT, so £24.

Ok one more thing, and then I promise I'll stop posting on this thread this evening.

Is anyone else making a felt advent calendar this year? I just had a look at felt advent calendars on pinterest and they are all AMAZING and I want to make about 6 now and can't decide which style to go for. I am getting over-excited over here.

Just popping in to be appreciative. I can't get to the heights of poncery but I've loved this thread the last few years. I have now (yaaaaay!) moved out of a small, damp, mouldy-walled, un-heated 1970s flat and have an Actual House. Possibly the smallest house in the world, but, a house! With actual fireplaces and mantels!

So, I am going to do a wee bit of poncing.

I have concentrated on the important stuff (none of which I can drink), and have lovely kilner jars on the shelf in the kitchen with:

• blackcurrants in white rum
• damsons in gin
• spiced calvados (for quick mulled drinks - you just heat up good apple juice and put a shot of the calvados in)
• cardamom gin
• greengages in white rum
• white peaches in brandy
• ginger and brown sugar brandy
• un-gin (gin aromatics in white rum for my mum who's allergic to one of the components of ordinary gin)

I have also just bought some Winter tealights from the White Company because a certain MNer (looks round guilt-trippingly) was talking about Christmas on facebook and got me all in the mood for it.

I am getting a bit bored with the whole Scandi style stuff (and it doesn't work in my house, more to the point), but, ruby, when you say the snowflakes are easy, do you mean, for a total idiot with two thumbs? Cos I quite fancy trying.

Right: that's my place-marking good-intentions post!

Btw, I have linked to these dresses before on MN so excuse me if I sound like they're paying me (they're not, I just lust after everything they make) ... but how awesome would this be for a Christmas dress? (Deranged 'I hear voices' pose optional).

www.limb-clothing.com/prod2.cfm?product=85966

I loooooove that! It is totally deranged! I want a holly version.

Ooh LRD any chance you could post the spiced calvados recipe please?

Freebuttonbee, when I did domestic science at school in the 1970's, we used to wrap a thick layer of folded newspaper around our Christmas cake tin, secured by tying with string, and high enough to be taller than the tin itself. That was enough to stop the cake sides scorching. There was a single layer of greaseproof paper lining the insides of the tin, with a double layer on the base.

Of course! But it is really easy. Calvados isn't that cheap, but I bought the cheapest one in Tesco.

• Half a litre of calvados.
• I vanilla pod, scored with a knife
• cinnamon stick
• small piece of root ginger (about 1cm square)
• 1 cardamom pod
• about 5 eating apples (I had discoveries as they were in season but I think cox is better), quartered and cored.

Bung it all in a kilner jar and make sure the apple quarters stay under the liquid.

It is really just the spices I use to make mulled cider (which my mate loves), so I am pretty sure you could use whatever blend of spices you liked. Bear in mind both cardamom and vanilla let out quite a strong flavour quite fast. The apples just give it a slightly fresher taste.

Oh, and I didn't add sugar because it was quite sweet calvados, but if you had a sweet tooth or fancied it, I have made it before with dark brown sugar in and that was very good.

Can I join you? I love reading this thread.

We normally have a wreath from the local garden centre which we hang on the hanging basket bracket by front door. This year, I've bought the lovely willow wreath linked to earlier in the thread and now looking for ideas how to hang and decorate it. Thinking fairy lights and sprigs of holly.

My mincemeat is currently cooking in the oven (Delia's Christmas mincemeat) and I have bought some lovely ribbon for decorating the presents for adults.