Ahem. It's the 25th September, which means....

[FellatioNelson]

That I hereby declare the Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread Part 4 open for business.

For those of you who do not know WTF I am on about, read this from 2010 by way of explanation:

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

If you want to read the previous three threads for Christmas 2010, 2011 and 2012 search my name in the Christmas topic.

In the words of the great Mike Reid from Runaround, G-G-G-G-G- GO!

OK poncey people, I need Christmas decorating advice! Absolutely no offence to anyone, but I feel like the trend for words as decorations is a bit passé (you know, massive letters saying JOY around the place).

I really liked that trend, but I'm over it now. I have no idea what I like now though. What does everyone else like? I'm out of ideas, and I really want to make my house look pretty this year.

We have a ridiculous amount of clutter in our house which doesn't really lend the place to properly poncey decorations but I am going for lots of strategically placed lights this year (which am hoping will hide the dust!).

Candles MrsOgg

Scented candles (like Yankee) in jars or tealights
And the flameless ones for safety (there are some really good ones about that are wax. We got some from Costco last year with a remote control to on/off them )

And WRT words/letters decorations -
I've got some silver letters that spell our PEACE/ JOY/ NOEL and they are quite nice in a low key setting (usually on the bannister)

But I wouldn't have the mahoosive mantlepiece ones

shouldhavestayedhome, do you have a bannister, mantel or shelving that can be adorned with a poncetastic garland to decorate instead of a tree? I've used a wired faux garland intertwined with warm white lights and hung with baubles and tree decorations in previous years - it's effective, inexpensive and evil kitty proof

I made crab apple jelly this week. I just put the crab apples in my big jam pan, covered with water & boiled until they were all mush. Gave them a good squishing with the potato masher to make sure all the juice was out. Then ladle into a jelly bag to strain the juice. Leave overnight to drip. Measure the juice and add 1lb of sugar to every 1pt of juice (450g of sugar to 600ml of liquid). Proceed as for jam making. My crab apples were a deep red colour and made the most beautiful bright pink juice and jelly.

Hmm, fake candles could be fantastic, thanks for the tip!

What I'm really into is the really fancy and elaborate paper cut things, but they all seem to cost a lot of money to get hold of and I am no way going to try to make one! Like this one here: twoclevermoms.com/love-to-try-scherenschnitte/
(scroll down a little bit to get to the tree, it's amazing!)

Mrs Ogg that is indeed beautiful. I love making paper snowflakes and try to make them ever more intricate, but that is something else!

Can I join in? Mrs Ogg those paper cuttings are brill I could just about do a dodgy snowflake!

Thanks for the wreath idea Ruby! Cream roses and pomegranate with silver ribbon is achingly poncy!

My plans now include a fancy breakfast (only got stepkids until lunchtime) featuring eggs, homemade bread and bacon jam then maybe some rocky road which I'll get the boys to make and wrap as their gifts to people.

So does poncetastic mean homemade?

rocky road as a present is a good idea,i might get the kids involved in that,also i saw nigella make some honeycomb o tv a while ago,that would make a nice gift too.

What would you wrap it in and how long would it keep for?

So does poncetastic mean homemade?
....with attitude!!!
And style.
And some level of overkill enthusiasm.

I buy cellophane bags from Amazon ringaringarosy. I use a freezer tie or elastic band to make a tight seal and then cover with a bit of ribbon or use twine and a luggage tag.

Honeycombe sounds lush but is possibly the worst thing to make with children

Have you seen pearl and earl they do nice paper decorations mrsogg
Also I made these snowflakes last year and they looked amazing hanging in my windows. Thats the youtube tutorial I used. It looks more complicated than what it is, trust me its worth persevering as they are quite easy. I still have mine hanging in the attic so hope they have survived to use this year!

Why waitingforme?MIne are still all under 6 so i probably wouldntlet them near the hob,just do the smashing up bit at the end!

Because it's boiling sugar. I made peppermint creams with DSSs when they were 3 and 6 as they are safe for little hands to cut out. With Rocky Roads there is a but of smashing them mixing and pressing.

Honeycomb needs breaking up lightly. It'd be dust in seconds. And TBH I wouldn't want the kids in the kitchen when I was handling boiling sugar. (I may just have violent/careless DSSs)

Nigella gave it a right bashing in with a big hammer!I might do it but just with one child,it would definitely be dust in seconds with all 3 of them having a go.

Ooh ready to ponce. Love a bit of crafting and have lots of foam wreath forms (don't ask) but have never done the homemade Xmas cake before. Chocolate nigella one sounds perfect

I think that the Next Big Thing will be a mid-century modern austerity Christmas. Not Coca-Cola kitsch American 1950s, but a more austere version. So coloured glasses, natural-coloured wood, tank-tops, paper chains, starburst shapes, modern antiques, trendy sprouts, more Scandi love. I reckon tinsel might make a comeback, but not quite yet.

I'm going Nordic for this year. They've got some gorgeous red and white tea towels in sainsburys, beginning of the Christmas range coming in. I bought four to be our Christmas Day napkins.

I've got an empty fire place so I'm going to fill it with hurricane lamps and other random containers with pillar candles. My tree decorations are all red and white and quite Scandi ikea anyway so will go nicely I think

If I was being properly poncetastic I would have sewn them myself I suppose.

Scrubbed pine top table, so I'm not going to bother with a tablecloth. It's only a source of stress with young children anyway, they either spill stuff on it as soon as glance at it or half pull it off getting to their places. I've got three little bucket things on a tray, hard to describe but whst you grow windowsill herbs in. Currently empty so center piece for the table will be those with some narcissi bulbs and tea lights.

Yes! Why didn't I think of that?

Of course - it's the natural progession from the bunting and the crochet and the folksy retro thing. Forties, fifties...that means I might have to allow tinsel back into the fold in an uber-ironic way.

My GPs had the most beautiful paper decorations from the 50's, and a teeny tiny fake tree about two feet tall, and some lovely coloured lights shaped like little flower buds. My Dsis still has them all.

Paper chains are the way forward.

Well, if tinsel and paper chains are back in, I'm thinking I could do this. Although I tried paper chains with the DCs last year and ended up doing them myself.