to not want parents-in-law on xmas day

134 replies

iluvchips · 13/10/2011 20:26

this will be our first christmas as a family of four and am thinking what 'traditions' I'd like to establish for our family for the big day. The trouble is with my mother-in-law. She's great with our children-especially our 2yr old daughter-her only granddaughter- playing with her and everything. It's just that I always feel like I have to take a 'back-seat' when she's around because she kind of takes over and dominates my DD's play and attention. She's just in my DD's face and doesn't let anyone else 'in'. I know I'd feel a bit resentful for doing all the cooking and have hardly anytime myself to play with DD and her new toys on Christmas day. Am I being selfish to keep MIL away from her only grandchildren on Christmas day? Should I just grin and bare it, after all my DD loves her gran and my DS will too, though he's only a baby right now. Would it be selfish to just keep Christmas day for just the four of us and see them on boxing day every year, the same as my parents- who, I hasten to add, I don't have this problem with. Does anyone else have a similar problem?

OP posts:

2rebecca · 14/10/2011 18:08

When I'm a grandparent I'd rather be like somethingwillturnup's father and be laid back about xmas and happy for my kids to do what they wish on xmas day and see me whenever round the festive season suits me. I don't suddenly intend to turn into a friendless, self pitying old woman who is incapable of entertaining herself for 1 day of the year and demand I visit my kids whether they want me there or not.
I'm happy to have xmas with just my husband now if my kids are with their dad and for some reason we aren't with relatives and doubt it will be any different when I'm older. If I become single I suspect I could find a load of other single friends to have a nonfamily xmas with if need be.
I don't get alkl the self pitying crap and lack of resourcefullness some people plonk on their younger relatives around xmas.
We aren't usually talking about frail 80 year olds here, but fit middle aged couples.

2rebecca · 14/10/2011 18:09

should read "whenever round the festive season suits THEM"

ASuitableGirl · 14/10/2011 18:21

How far away do other people's parents and in laws live from them (and each other?)

i think that makes a difference to how christmas works - if everyone lives within about an hour then you cab have people popping in and out but when there are bigger distances involved you have to be organised and someone needs to travel.

Plus this year I have rhe additional issue of H and me having separated although at least we live within a few miles of each other. Had one year where everyone came to our house for Christmas and as DD was fairly small I was able to sit there and do not much .

ASuitableGirl · 14/10/2011 18:23

How far away do other people's parents and in laws live from them (and each other?)

Georgimama · 14/10/2011 18:39

My mother isn't friendless or self pitying. She receives many more invitations than she accepts and there are dozens of people here and abroad who would love her to stay with them for Christmas. But she would rather spend Christmas with me. Whilst I still have her (and who knows how long that will be for any of us - my SIL's mother died last year and she was the same age as my mother) I am going to make the most of her. Even if she does piss me off from time to time, which she does.

Georgimama · 14/10/2011 18:41

Expectations around Christmas also come from what you are used to, and what I was used to as a small child was my auntie (before her my nan, but it got too much for her before I can remember) having everyone in a large extended family bunking down in a 3 bed semi for three days. It was chaos and tempers occasionally frayed but we loved it, and those memories are greatly cherished now we are scattered and some of us are gone.

milk · 14/10/2011 20:23

See her boxing day instead?

ReastieHorrorShow · 14/10/2011 21:33

OP IME if you haven't had a mil who is as in your face and non stop as we both have it may be hard to understand your feelings. Tbh I wouldn't have understood it if I hadn't have lived it.

Putrifyno · 14/10/2011 21:46

Now my mum died when I was young, and I only met my MIL twice ever

But we had big family Xmas's when i was little. Dd has just had the 3 of us. She knows no different, but I feel a bit sad about that.

Dsis has invited us back to Blighty to hers this year. I would like to go. DH is "thinking" about it.

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