Fellatio's Poncetastic Christmas Thread 2011 is.....

[FellatioNelson]

open for business. Knock yerselves out.

Remus I have done brown paper with a pale blue ribbon and a sand dollar. :)

Thanks for the brine recipe Rock !

or there is this garland - which is now cheap! (I'm tempted even though I don't need it)

www.bloom.uk.com/Berry-Garland/Product1_24551_-1_98061_13551

Ooooh I LURVE that garland.

The wreath is also in the sale and now I'm wondering if I can justify spending money on a fourth third xmas tree - how sweet is this AND it comes with decorations

www.bloom.uk.com/Christmas-Tree-Birch-Star-Decorations-and-Matching-Tree-Topper/Product1_24551_-1_102517_13551

Yes!!!! Thats it thats what i need in my olde worlde house. Thank you.

Right, I have done the salted peanut millionaire's shortbread and it was bloody lush. I'm not so sure about the shortbread/toffee/chocolate ratio, I think maybe there is too much shortbread, but that's me being fussy I think.

100g caster sugar
200g butter, softened and diced
300g SR flour
400ml duo he de leche or boiled condensed milk
125g salted peanuts roughly chopped
400g milk chocolate

Preheat oven to 180/fan 160/gas 4
Line the base of a tray bake tin

Rub together the butter and flour until it resembles breadcrums, then stir in the sugar.
Tip into the tin and press down with your hands or back of a spoon.
Bake for about 20 mins or until golden brown.
Remove from oven and cool in tin.
Spread over the dulche de leche then press the roughly chopped peanuts into it.
Melt the chocolate and pour over the peanut studded dulche de leche.
Put in the fridge for two hours to set.

If you have a tried and tested millionaire shortbread recipe already,use it and just add chopped salted peanuts on the toffee before you pour the chocolate on top.

The above recipe makes lots of squares as I cut them quite small. They are very rich and sweet - and I'm a total glutton.

Squitch - I truly believe it would be utter madness not to be adding the fourth third tree to your, frankly, measly collection.

Phwoar - that millionaire's shortbread sounds like I HAVE to make it. I have bucket loads of dulce de leche in the cupboards, what a bloody shame

What is a sand dollar?

Thanks for the recipe Strangeways - it looks bloody lovely but the dds are mushroom-haters.

I need to make that shortbread. Where can I buy dulce du leche?

Yay! the justification of strangers, it's in the basket and...oops bought it! I'll use my mindskills to persuade DP that we've ALWAYS had a fourth tree, pffft her remembers nothing

I've decided today that the sitting room (poncing it up, it's usually just the living room) will be the main alter of ponceness and that all my home made stuff will go into the dining room (incase it looks shit - more is more and all that)

Yay, was here last year, though things got a bit unponcey at last minute when DS found the tinsel...

So far I have ordered & received my 1950's glittery advent calender from Germany, and lit my Balsam & Cedar Yankee candle once or twice. 4 bottles of Sloe gin brewing. Next month is panto booking & decoration sorting prior to buying a few new bits- this will include large paper snowflake room garlands and lots of realistic greenery .

Agapanthii, I'm going for Mary Berrys cake this year too. Did Delias last year so will be interesting to see how this compares. I note it includes dried apricots, which I havent used in a Christmas cake before!

My biggest dilemma is that I love multi coloured old (NOT led) fairy lights. Cannot somehow face using white- every year I try & end up redoing the tree. This year I know I need to buy NEW LIGHTS- has anyone got any nice non-led ones? I bought red berry ones last year but effect not good- they glow like Santas red berried furnace

Remus - Waitrose sell it for sure and I think Sainsbogs too. Otherwise you can get it in delis or by the Carnation toffee in tins. For now (next 10 days....) I live in Spain, so can buy it by the gallon for pennies!

by? FFS BUY

Hurrah! It's here.

I've never had time to have a poncey Christmas before but I'm determined this year.

So break me in easily, what shall I start with? Oh I'm not a great cook so maybe something crafty rather than bakey

Oh thank you, fellatio for the new thread. I've been waiting. I'm hosting Christmas day this year, final guest list tbc but could be 17 people.

Right, , a few questions for you ponces.

1. When you brine a turkey, do you use just salt water (a la Heston, upthread) or include flavourings/spices?
2. How do you decorate your Christmas cake? Ideas needed.
3. Is it passe to have bunting? I wanted to make some 12 days of Christmas bunting for the hall.

dearpru (if I may shorten your name...) I have done both Heston's brine and Nigella's one with lots of spices etc in - we (the royal collective that is) all preferred Heston's, much nicer for whatever reason I do not know.

I use royal icing on mine, I have it smooth around the edges (so I can put a fat ribbon round it to match my chosen theme ) and then spiky top, with a smooth circle in the middle that I decorate with appropriate coloured sugar decorations/balls etc.

I love the idea of the bunting actually, and if I have time once we've moved and unpacked, I may make something similar...

Thanks rock (shorten away!)

I've never actually brined before but I don't have great success with turkey, so will deffo do this year.

Thanks Rock. Will try and make it next weekend and report back!

Pru (that's even easier ) Until I brined, I didn't have a massive success with it either tbh, it was alright, but never 'wow'. Brining really does make a difference and if cooked to the timings above it is moist and delicious.

Remus I shall be making it tomorrow I reckon, I can't wait that long!

RockStock thanks :) Budget = tiny, but on the upside we eat pretty much everything. Well, DS has his likes and dislikes but tbh as long as there's plenty of chocolate he'll be happy

I should say that I don't particularly like dried fruit, so have been a long time hater of mince pies, Christmas cake and Christmas pud. However, since DD was born I have mysteriously started semi-enjoying the stuff (mainly in the form of thickly buttered slabs of Soreen), so am keeping an open mind this year.

Thickly buttered slabs of Soreen are the best, and I have just eaten half a bloody loaf myself this very evening!

Ok, I shall have a think and post some nibbles - sweet and savoury for you tomorrow. All cheap, but very tasty and impressive to boot.

Mmmm I love Soreen

Jaq, how about getting DH on the cooking bit? I am pretty certain you have said in the past he can cook.

we are have an uber poncetastic dr who themed christmas this year. i intend wrapping the presents in navy blue and silver paper (matt navy if possible) nad the same colour decorations. each person must have at least one dr who related present, and also each person must wear something which has been in dr who. oh, and i am doing a tardis christmas cake.

Remus I don't know what you call sand dollars in the UK!

I had a beachy theme going on that year :) And they looked lovely on the brown paper packages with pale blue ribbon.

For the table last year I had a bit of a mishap with my planned centrepiece, so as an emergency effort I used two smallish cheap and cheerful hurricane lamps like these and stuck two chunky church candles in them, and tipped a big bag of fresh cranberries around each candle, to about halfway up. It was very plain and simple, but effective and Christmassy. It would be good for anyone going with a modern pared down look, or an au naturale red/white/green Scandanavian type theme. The cranberries are quite hard so they last well.