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Original poster

Ridiculous christmas...HELP!

145 replies

nextchapter · 07/12/2010 00:28

Hi, I have 4DC all under 7, myself and my DH are, to be fair, reasonably well off, however this christmas we have my parents, my sister and her DH and 2 DC (aged 2 and a newborn), my PIL and DH grandmother, DH brother and wife plus 2 DS (five and three) and DH other brother and wife and DS (18mnths). This is 22 people all together. Plus they are all staying over which means forking out for extra air beds and bedding etc.

I only wanted my parents and sister, but once MIL got wind of it, well I didn't stand a chance! I am also feeding them all on xmas eve ( though they aren't staying thank god) and on boxing day, until after lunch.

Would it really be inapproiate to ask for a small cash donation, around £50 per family, off them? I mean its costing a small fortune. My parents who are well off have offered to pay half but frankly I feel this is unfair and whilst I know that my family and myself and my husband are better off than my in laws I still feel a little like I am being taken for a ride?

All views are helpful!

OP posts:
DecorhatetheChristmasTree · 08/12/2010 18:31

Have been following this but not posted so far. I have fussy eaters myself & normally am very defensive of others whose children are fussy but even mine woukd manage to eat some parts of a Christmas roast dinner. And tbh if they don't there will be plenty of snacks on hand. And sil can hardly complain about them eating rubbish if they normally give them nuggets, etc.

ItalianLady · 08/12/2010 18:40

"My mil just responded to the email aying she doesn't understand the problem and why cant myself and my parents foot them bill..."god knows they have enough"!!. My FIL has actually just rung to apolagise for the woman!!!!"

OMG! Shock

I think it is time to withdraw the non-given-in-the-first-place invite.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 08/12/2010 19:30

Just caught up with this thread, can't believe MILs and SILs comments! It frustrates me so much (on your behalf) that you are going to so much effort in even working out how to ask for a contribution let alone then asking for it, that they should react like that, really feel for you.

Chicken nuggets and beans, classy! If my DD were that fussy I would bring my own and cook them myself without causing any fuss.

Hope this puts your DH off any notion of allowing his family to invite themselves over next year!

PlanetEarth · 08/12/2010 20:16

I would never ask guests for cash, even if they had invited themselves. I'm afraid it does seem rude to me - and more like you're a hotel than if they contribute nothing, IYSWIM. Plus, I think they'd be more likely to grumble about what they got, as paying for something makes people feel they can be demanding.

I'd be asking for food contributions (that would sort out the SIL with the chicken nuggets), and I'd get them to bring bedding/airbeds.

You can fit 22 people to eat and sleep in your house? Do you live in a castle or something?! Envy

christmaswishes · 08/12/2010 20:16

Hi NextChapter,

Seen as that is the norm to always spend Christmas Day with your parents then why change it. Yes you want to stay at home so just keep it to your mum etc on Christmas Day then invite In Laws on Boxing Day to yours (thats if you feel like cooking for the brats:)
Your MIL has never had Christmas Day with you so she cant really complain.

If you are going to keep to them all coming round together then make a shopping list for food and booze for the 3 days. Then ask them to buy some of the things. Put your name next to some and theirs next to others. Also I would probably just do the cooking with your own mums helping (Too many cooks spoil the Broth!) I wouldnt want them niggling away when you are trying to cook. I would prefer them to go in the lounge instead of under my feet.
Then when it comes to washing up, let them do that and you can go in the lounge and put your feet up :)

x

Original poster
nextchapter · 08/12/2010 21:34

Planet earth, it will be a very tight squeeze trust me, but all the kids are well under 7 which helps. Tbh I am starting to think the in laws are being like this on purpose to get back at me for not asking them in the first place. DH is round at theres now and text me saying FIL is taking the same line as us with BILs and MIL so hopefully things will change

Thanks to everyone for the support

OP posts:
christmaswishes · 08/12/2010 22:01

Hi Nextchapter,

Yeah it probably is that because you didnt invite her round as you have never had it at your house before, but I dont understand why she would say comments about you and your mum paying for it all because your well off. That isnt going to get her an invite is it? My mums a bit like this. My dads coming to my house on Christmas Day. Mum and dad are divorced, mum has a partner but dad is on his own. I would not want him to be on his own Christmas Day, I also love his company too but mum gets angry/jealous etc about this, because she wants to come.

let us know how your husband gets on

x

geordieminx · 08/12/2010 22:16

Am Shock that you MIL could behave like this.

Original poster
nextchapter · 08/12/2010 22:16

DH just got home, and the long and short of it is that he was absolutley fuming anyway, and MIL and BILs showed no signs of being reasonable that in the end DH and FIL said that as I had gone to all the effort of working out what everyone could bring fairly and they threw it back in our faces and have shown themselves and the family up that its £50 and two bottles of wine each or don't bother coming.

Apparantly MIL looked appalled that her darling little prince dared side with anyone but her however FIL put her quickly back in her place!

Think I'll probably call round over the weekend though to show no hard feelings maybe and to hopefully but the whole sorry eposide behind us

OP posts:
RememberToPlaywiththeKids · 08/12/2010 22:25

But really - feeding 22 people for 3 days is 66 * 3 meals = feeding a total of 198 people for one meal - like a wedding for example!!!

Who can possibly argue that that is one person's / family's responsibility???? You are not a catering company FGS!

sleighBELLasringing · 08/12/2010 22:50

Well done MrNextChapter!

Seriously though, make sure you get the money and wine upfront.

My DH said they are getting a bloody good deal.

Original poster
nextchapter · 08/12/2010 22:57

Yeah, he said he wants the money by the end of the week. I agree with your DH they are getting a bloody good deal! Now all we have to deal with her faveourite DGS...

OP posts:
NetworkGuy · 09/12/2010 01:39

Phew - I was wondering how this was going to progress - glad DH (and FIL) have "laid down the law" and very glad about the "or don't bother coming" ultimatum...

Very glad you managed to keep a lid on any frustration over this and not "let rip" either on the phone or via text/e-mail as that could have done long-term damage between your family and the others.

Times like this I am just glad it's just me and the cat, so no arguments over whether TV or radio is on, nothing to stop me having pizza and champagne (if I had the cash for champagne!).

Having the cat gets me out of any invitations to stay with my relatives (love them all, but fitting into their holiday plans is not for me).

ABudafulSightWereHappyTonight · 09/12/2010 07:11

Crikey. I think your DH should have told his mother not to bother coming. Money or not.

geordieminx · 09/12/2010 08:20

well done dh and fil.

Its rare for a son to stand up to his mother, and even rarer for husband to stand up against wife.

girlywhirly · 09/12/2010 08:46

MIL has really shot herself in the foot, hasn't she? The thing she most wanted to do in spending Christmas with you, and has now put it seriously at risk.

If she does come, don't put up with any nonsense or criticism, just because she's conceded and paid up doesn't give her carte blanche to make remarks. The way this was going, I had visions of FIL coming to yours, while the rest of them go to MIL!

tulpe · 09/12/2010 09:34

Nextchapter - so glad this finally appears to be working out for you and your family. Have been reading this with utter shock and dismay at the behaviour of your MIL and SIL. In all honesty, I think you are a better person than me because I would have been sorely tempted to tell them not to bother at the first set of sneery remarks (particularly as they weren't actually invited).

Agree with Geordieminx that it is a very rare man indeed who will stand up to his family this way so you must be proud of your DH and FiL.

Do feel rather sad for you though. It sounds as though you will move on and still enjoy christmas but my fear would be that MiL won't be able to resist some serious jibes over those 3 days. Hope it all works out for you.

Makes me very pleased indeed that my siblings always want to do their own thing (as DNieces and Nephews are all grown up), ditto my mum and dad. FiL is my only great concern but he always seems happy to fit in with whatever else is going on and is always a gracious guest (despite being 92 and therefore having "earned" the right to be cantankerous if he so chose Wink

Jux · 09/12/2010 10:01

Have a separate table for the kids. Serve them first and get them started then leave them to it - unless they become too rowdy ("calm down you 'orrible lot" should be enough).

I am [shocked] at your ILs (except FIL). They are behaving abominably. Next infraction = cancellation.

Jux · 09/12/2010 10:02

Oh and I'd make sure that any further e-mails from your beloved SIL get the Reply To All treatment so everyone knows exactly what she's said.

NetworkGuy · 09/12/2010 11:00

Next infraction = cancellation

would agree with that but hope there is no next though -

  • Oh, OK, secretly hope MIL says something and Nextchapter has a chance to say "OK, had enough of this. Enjoy Christmas at your own homes, ours is off limits until well after New Year's Day" (but only to those who became "invited" at behest of MIL!)... would be so many less headaches, and far less tension too
NetworkGuy · 09/12/2010 11:01

nextchapter - what an ideal posting name for this thread / situation...

Jux · 09/12/2010 17:53

Fewer headaches?

Sorry couldn't resist that Grin forgive me [plead]

NetworkGuy · 09/12/2010 18:12

OK, fewer headaches in the short term (ie just over Christmas !)

HippyChristmaspotamus · 12/12/2010 21:05

nextchapter have they all paid up?

Original poster
nextchapter · 14/12/2010 13:02

They have indeed paid up yes. FIL went round and collected it and made everyone but an extra tenner in and promise to bring 4 bottles of wine as a way of making amends. Bless him

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