Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

1234, you might find large packs of spices at multi-cultural supermarkets and market stalls.

Tiny, I think I've put it further up the thread in my previous guise as T ippy chooks.It was dried citrus slices, pine cones, pomanders, nutmeg etc threaded onto wire and trimmed with raffia. Pink grapefruit, red oranges, limes, lemons and oranges ( I got huge bags for 20p on the yellow sticker at the supermarket) Dried in the overn and studded with cloves. Yumness.

I have rolls of organza type fabric in Christmassy colours that I have no idea what to do with. Any ideas? I thought gift bags but as yet I'm not giving anything small enough.

I'm loving this thread, please keep it up as I can't possibly think about christmas until November (Oh that's next week) I have been trying to sneak into the shopping some christmassy stuff - scented candles and such like but DH is a bit humbug about all this early preparations! He loves it when its all done though!

I do make my own door wreaths from fresh plants, but i do a bit of 'hedgerow' raiding to make mine - it easier in the country I suppose, but its a nice thing to do on a sunday before christmas, going for a walk with the sectors and a bucket for the finds - holly and ivy usually from the hedgerows. I've also made my own frame from new growth on the ivy as its nice and bendy and makes an ideal circle to bind all the lovely things too - then can compost at the end of the festivities!

Decided to make my own cake this year, but not started yet - is it too late?

I don't have a wine though sadly . I don't do tinsel either but it wouldn't go with my tree. Thinking of low-skill highly impressive presents I can fashion out of it < scratches head >

Please does anyone know where can I buy empty but nice hampers from so that I can fill them with my homemade treats? (yet to be made still...)

Thanks Sue.

Might give that a go for next year.

herGHOUL - my friend works for English Heritage and said they are selling empty baskets for homemade hampers in their shops for about £7....

Salutations fellow ponces.

Despite my pontetastic aspirations, I really ought to know my limitations. Alas! I have bought the Good Housekeeping Christmas Cookbook magazine which is a step too far. Seriously, there's no way I'll make anything in it.

Would anyone want a barely read, definitely unused copy? Free to a good home.

Inbox me with your address and it's yours. ( I think I am Inbox-able

OOh, me me me! I love cooking!

Gruff - I pm'd you last night... I'm happy to post you some poncetastic nibbles in exchange for the book! How about some of that tablet we were talking about earlier? [drool]

Magazine to be posted tomorrow. Sorry if I've disappointed anyone x

It's OK. My Christmas Good Food arrived today to make up for it [hgrin]

It has a recipe for Sloe Gin fruit sponges if anyone wants it to add to their Sloe Gin presents? Or just because :)

I can't decide what to have for starter for Christmas lunch, or whether to have a few canapes instead.

What are you having/historically have?

We are having eggs benedict for breakfast, mince pies late morning, full on traditional turkey and trimmings followed by Christmas pudding and White chocolate torte. Cheese and hams etc in the evening.

Oh and dh hates salmon!

I've seen a recipe for a mushroom pate with toast that I quite fancy trying this year. Not usually a pate fan as I don't do offal and a main ingredient is usually liver but this one looked quite nice.

Woman and Home christmas food mag is very good I think, my Olive subscription mag arrived yesterday so am about to sit down for more christmas food porn.

In addition to my starter conundrumI have started my mincemeat this morning and now am in a quandry whether to use brandy, sherry or rum?????

Opinions please, tis tres important.

Well, last lot of puddings are steaming as we speak. Christmas cake made yesterday to a new recipe looks and smells heavenly!

Have sourced some red buttons on eBay so will be starting felt decorations when they arrive.

Am trying to source an origami star pattern but can't find anything. Anyone?

Am pondering Christmas Day breakfast, I know traditionally salmon but that does not do it for me sadly. Cinnamon rolls perhaps? Hmm more pondering I think!

Worm - deffo brandy in the mincemeat.

Starter - we tend not to bother with a full-on starter nowadays and just have nibbly bits a while before lunch instead. Last year I roasted some baby onions in balsamic vinegar and we ate them with rocket leaves and toasted pine nuts and a bit of parmesan. That was nice and light.

This year I might do just picky things - don't know what yet. Or I might not bother and then have a cheeseboard (several hours) after the pudding.

worm77 which mincemeat recipe are you using? I fancy making my own this year but want some recommendations for a good easy recipe.

Still no festive loo roll in WIlkinsons here. I am starting to think Kath made it up to make me jealous...