Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Nigella's muffins are indeed a bit meh.

We always have dippy eggs for Christmas Day breakfast. We find they line the stomach nicely for the sugar onslaught once the chocolates are opened......

I then whack the oven on and cook the frozen raw mince pies I prep in November for drinky elevenses nibbles.

wtf are dippy eggs?

We have french toast and smoked salmon if people want it (ponce alert)

dippy eggs are soft boiled eggs into which one dips - normally soldiers but on Christmas Day it would be gold leaf encrusted asparagus [hwink]

On one of those bright & sunny, but bitterly cold Christmas Day mornings a few years ago, we went out for a walk soon after brekkie. A chap had the BBQ out in the garden & was clearly doing sausage & bacon on there - made sense I suppose, what with the oven probably being full. Plus it gets the blokes out of the house

It was less chav-tastic than it sounds TBH.

JetLi, I have a Weber kettle barbecue, and with the right fittings it should be possible to cook a turkey in it with the lid on!!!! Perhaps the guy you saw was gearing up for that. (Please don't try this unless you know what you're doing, I've visions of drunken blokes undercooking poultry and giving everyone food poisoning.)

It seems a lot of people use their Webers all year round, in different countries. My favourite picture is of a Danish couple sitting on garden chairs in the snow, with their Weber. They have written cook books about barbecuing. Obviously, I should have been cooking my Christmas dinner out in the snow last year, but am a wimp in the cold! I do love barbecued sausages though!

Hi girly - twas def. a Weber he was using I'm sure - maybe you're right! We got a very cheery Merry Christmas bellowed out to us as we walked past staring and he raised his mug of whisky tea

Someone on here was looking for natural coloured string for wrapping I think?

Hobbycraft have some, and infact a lot of rather nice other bits that could be used for wrapping up.

Christmas Day breakfast is normally smoked salmon, english muffins and eggs with champagne. Yum yum.

OhForFoxsake BLESS YOU AND ALL THAT SAIL IN YOU! That code for cox and cox was fanastic. I have bought a Christmas Present for that friend - you know, the one who is hideously particular and you dread buying for. Thank you

Oooh I love this thread! I want to snog you all...

May I play too, please? - so far we have...

Christmas cake has been marinating in Brandy since August
Homemade wreath is waiting to be hung - wicker, berries and poinsetta, vvv poncetastic
Salt dough decs microwaving as we speak
Finished Angel tree topper last night- all golden and vintage with antique lace (will try put pic on profile)
Advent calendar almost done - scroll down to "Twas the Night before Xmas"
Suckling pig ordered for Xmas dinner

Still to complete-
Gingerbread house
Garland for stairs
Twinkle lights EVERYWHERE!!

I luuuuuuurve Christmas...

Speaking of twinkle lights, when is it acceptable to put them up? I want them NOW but don't want the neighbours to think we're chavs...

:x

Thank you for breakfast ideas, may do blueberry pancakes, did not realise you could freeze them.

Alibaba it was me who was after string. I found some on Ebay in the end. Thanks for thinking of me though. I am not allowed near Hobbycraft as I have absolutely no restraint in that shop.

Oh yes, Hobbycraft... I went in there for the first time yesterday and it was the best shopping experience ever!! Poor DH has agreed to come with me next weekend, to stock up on Xmassy things... tee hee...

When I win the lottery I'm going to rent a truck to take all my purchases home...

Now then important choices to be made:

this wreath
or
this one.

And when, due to the effort involved and the composting stench should I start making them?

BB - I vote for number 2

Number 2 here too. I'd say make last week of November - we have no Christmas decorations until 1st Dec rule here.

Yes, definitely no decorating until at least 1st December. We put things up on the first weekend in December.

Anything else just too eager!

BlackBag - you Angel, I've been hankering after the wreath like number 2 from Notonthehighstreet and wondering if I could make one.

I'm popping back in to the thread having said hello a week or so ago because I've now managed to DH's buy in to a mega pontastic christmas this year. He even wants to help and has suggested that we go for a winter wonderland theme in our kitchen/dining room/playroom (all open plan). Plan is to use lots of branches etc, lots of white and silver with the odd splash of red (like a pool of blood in the snow says DH).

Have bought the only two christmas mags I can find at the moment.

I saw some very lovely glass decorations in John Lewis, do they ever do special offers before christmas?

We're also going to go a bit Nigella and get lots of fairy lights (white) so am wondering where to get inexpensive ones from as we'll get loads.

Plan is also to make our own cards, DH is more creative than me so he's on board as are the dc's - we'll see if they're any good and if not then off to Paperchase.

1234 we're doing the "lots of white lights" too. I sent my dh out to get the lights a few days ago. He is tighter than a ducks arse careful with money, and went to £stretcher, which has now been renamed "At Home". He got like 10 boxes for £2.50 each.

No decorating till the 18th here.

It used to be the 1st but then I went and had a baby on the 17th last year and complicated matters!

It now can't be Christmas 'till after her birthday.

I love that fabric wreath! But I would probably add the odd snail to it! I have seen a picture of a floral arrangement using a tall vase filled with sprouts and savoy cabbage leaves, topped with roses, orchids and more savoy cabbage. This was on a buffet bar at a wedding reception!
I suspect it started to whiff a bit as the day went on.

I'm amazed by 1234's DH. Mine never did decorations when he lived on his own. However he does indulge me regarding all things sparkly, to which I am drawn like a magpie. I have carte blanche to do whatever decorations I like, but they don't go up until half-way through December.

How easy it is to get carried away in Hobbycraft. I should probably be carried away from Hobbycraft.

Oooh TPT... so much to buy! Cake baking things, felty things, jewellery making things, fabric, brilliant kits for Xmas decs... have fun & let us know what you get!