Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Thanks girlywhirly - I'm thinking something like this could work. Plenty of greenery in garden here - wonder how long it would stay green although the wreaths stay green for a pretty long time.

Yes, if the fresh stems are in wet florists foam and you keep it wet, the foliage should stay fresh in the cold outdoors for more than 3 weeks. A tip; when you cut the stems, cut them on an angle rather than straight across. Gives a larger surface area for water uptake.

Sybilvimes - Good news and bad. Discovered today that someone has started on the snowman loo roll (suspects its dh as he doesn't understand its not to be used yet). Went to Wilkinsons to restock and happened upon one-half of Diva Fever from the XFactor!

And the good news???

ahh, was he back to work already?

I really don't think either half of 'Diva Fever' has any place on this most tasteful of threads

Not only do you actually have snowman toilet paper, but you have used it already!!

You need to have stern words with him. Mention that there are some poor children in remote Hertfordshire who would be really grateful for that snowman toilet paper.

top Christmas tip

have a look at these lovely Christmas Cake decorations that I was pondering earlier in the thread. Currently out of stock but £12 at Cox and Cox

Lakeland have them in their shops for £8.99 and a selection of others too by the same supplier

Oh and don't know if anyone has mentioned it but John Lewis have the most divine selection of Martha Stewart Christmas stuff in - tape, decorations, cupcake stuff, party bags, tissue paper, bakers twine etc.

I nearly passed out with excitement.

taffeta - in case you missed it, theres a 25% off code further down the thread for Cox & Cox

This is cute knitted holly

DH is back to work next week so I can get back to planning Christmas :)

Lounge is now almost finished. Have decided I need a whole new set of decorations now though

Bride, if you really want new decs, now is the time to sell yours and partially fund the new ones!

Mine are all cheap ones. I'm not sure anyone would want to buy them.

About 7000 posts ago, I was asking about solar-powered fairy lights.

My Darling husband went and bought me some at the weekend. BLUE ONES.

I should divorce him, shouldn't I?

Foundwanting - yes you should.

I know this is not the right place but I need to confess something.

I have already sent my christmas cards. I always write them in the last holiday before the Christmas hols. Now I have moveed countries that was in Sept (not Oct half term as before). So I did them and as postage was going up in Oct I sent them under the impression they would arrive mid Nov in the UK. (I am now in NZ). I am getting emails from people already thanking me for my card.

My Christmas is not going to be pontastic but they were quite poncey cards even if they would have been more appropriate if they said Happy Halloween.

Don't worry, charmander. DH's mad cousin -who-ran-off-to-America-and-became-a-bunny-girl always posts hers on 1st October, so you are not alone.

I'm having trouble finding nice cards this year. And am loathe to buy any until the box comes down from the loft where, I seem to remember, there are loads of left-overs for previous years.

I have purchased various poncetastic Christmas cards. Namely some reproduction Victorian ones which are in shapes (skating girl, Father C, illuminated church etc). And some charity ones which are a row of book spines with Christmassy titles - these are for my reading group and other book loving friends.
Very hard to find nice cards IMHO and I feel my 'handcrafted' efforts always look a bit pathetic.

Bride, you'd be surprised who will buy Christmas decs of any kind. I sold an Argos £14.99 tree and lights for £5 via the local paper to a guy who just wanted a second tree for their dining room. They were 6 yrs old as well. And I bet there are lots of people who just can't afford new this year.

Foundwanting, blue lights look as if the aliens have landed to me!

Definitely a divorce situation I'm afraid Foundwanting Which is a shame because he is obviously a sweetheart to go out and buy you something he knows you want. There is no excuse for that lapse in tase though!

He has put them up on the holly tree outside the dining-room - to 'try them out'.

They actually look quite pretty in a sci-fi sort of way, quite delicate and twinkly. As my dining-room has a silver/cystal/duck-egg blue theme I may allow him to keep them.

They are not at all visible from the front of my more traditionally poncetastic house, and yes, he is a sweetheart for indulging most (if not all) of my festive fancies.

crystal not cystal.

Cystal would be weird.

Fellatio - I hold you entirely responsible for my buying a Christmas special Ideal Home magazine today

On the upside, I am going to have some seriously fabulous decorations/wreaths this year :o

So...Christmas morning breakfast. Won't be having the main meal until 3 pm ish so will need something. There will be me, DH, DD1 (v unfussy 2 yr old), my sister and her DP. Oh and DD2 will be a few days into BLW probably.

Would be good if I could just leave something out for people to help themselves when they get up (thinking a couple in their 20s may be up a little later than those with small children )

Was thinking of a big jar of homemade granola, yoghurt and fruit but also something baked. Was going to do the Nigella Christmas morning muffins but have heard not good reviews about them. Does anyone have any good recipes, preferably with seasonal aromas and that can be done in advance, frozen and reheated?

I made blueberry pancakes last year. They were yummy with maple syrup and could be zapped in the microwave for those who wanted them warm. Would be good (minus the syrup) for BLW too.

DD was born on the 17th December so I had them all made and frozen before she arrived and we just defrosted them overnight on Christmas Eve