Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

I have just bought a pale gold bedspread from Dunelm Mill, it was an oddment and reduced in price. I am planning to make it into a festive throw for the sofa. DH looked puzzled when I told him my plan, and even more puzzled when I told him he said I could have one last Christmas! He denies all knowledge of that conversation!
I know it sounds funny to be using a bedspread, but it is one of those slightly padded ones with machine stitching all over. I am planning to do some bits of embroidery with sparkly thread and sew on some gems, rather byzantine in design.

scareprudence, will you be gilding your fruits with gold leaf as well?

does no-one else worry they'll peak too soon? I do.

I think I need a spreadsheet. Perhaps its all in the planning.

Yes, there's always that risk. I go from shops to garden centres looking at all the Christmas displays, and I'm terribly tempted by everything, then I have lots of ideas for things I'd like to do, and if I'm not careful run out of enthusiasm by the week before Christmas. So I think we have to pace ourselves, and do stuff gradually.

I do have a lot of check lists, though, and plan menus. Then I don't have to wonder what to eat. Plus, anything that can be made in advance and frozen is great.

I have a few more pressing jobs to do in the garden at the moment, so Christmas stuff is evenings after dark and week-ends at the moment.

scareprudence, I love the fruit candles! How old are your DC? I would have thought there's an age where they'd love it ... I remember I really only loved the advent candle because it was the opportunity to play with fire.

ohforfoxsake I have a 3 page spread sheet. And a calendar. And a special notebook. My Ipod also gives me alerts telling me what I should be doing in preparation(today was buying Christmas pyjamas and ribbons). DH thinks I am quite, quite mad and a little scary.

Poncetastic things I have seen on my shopping travels:

Paperchase have little pegs with felt stars on - could use to hang cards on festive ribbon. They also have packs of little bells quite cheaply and a set of red cherry style fairy lights which I am going to buy to adorn my Christmas table.

Primark have some Christmas pyjamas for just £5

Wilkinsons (I know, I know but bear with me) have mugs with knitted cosies on - good for Christmas Eve hot choc in festive PJs.

On the homemade front I have decorated my chilli jam with brown paper and gold tissue over the lids, tied with brown twine and a dried orange slice and a gift tag with gold pen writing. They look so Christmassy . I keep going into the room where they are just to admire them

On a more serious note, we may have to quickly move house before Christmas as my house just isn't big enough or Victorian looking and does not tie in with my vision of how my beautiful decorations and table decorations are going to look.

I am waiting to see if Red Magazine have their 20% off Paperchase promotion again this year before I can buy anything

I was feeling a little jaded after doing many many poncetastic christmases - the DCs are 19, 17 and 13 now - but SeriousWispaHabit has piqued my interest with the pegs with felt stars on. Obviously the poncetastic urge was just lying dormant!

LittleRedPumpkin - just the one DS who's 8. He definitely likes lighting and blowing out the candles repeadledly.

GirlyWirly that's a nice idea about gilding the fruit candles.

ohforfoxsake I think they must be ... I've already got mine from Ideal Home and I think they are in the same stable. Just torn mine out and planning when I can go for a self-indulgent mooch

Oh & I should say ... your planning makes me feel soooooo normal. Thank you

Midnights child - is that the Christmas Ideal Home or next months? I though the Christmas one was a bit thin.

I am very excited by the prospect of visiting Paperchase armed with a hefty code!

November's issue ohforfoxsake ... enjoy (the shopping that is, the magazine wasn't up to much, so was pleased to find the promotion.

I think I have it - but haven't opened it (is it the one with the notebook?) anyway, I digress.

Boozy fruit for the Pink Whisk cake is fermenting (should have done it in September dammit!) and Delia's Christmas cake fruit is soaking ready for baking tomorrow.

I am going to get my decorations out next week for a stocktake before I get anymore sparkly reindeer from Paperchase. Told you I don't belong on this thread

Just marking my spot... to come back when I can get my head around this!

Right, definitely doing the cake this weekend after failing to do so last weekend. The crochet snowflakes are coming on nicely but I need something to go with them which is easier than than the robin/deer/puddings posted earlier. I will google and let you know if I find something.

Paperchase sounds good I wish we had a local one.

Ours is in House of Fraser, had not actually noticed it before today. I found a set of identical red cherry lights in Primark for £4 so have bought those.

Would it be ridiculous to make little wreaths to hang on the back of the chairs (with red ribbon?) for when we have Christmas dinner?

I also want to make some napkin rings - maybe using red berries/holly. Not really sure how to make them though.

Has anyone seen any red/gold make your own cracker kits? Would like to fill with lottery ticket and miniatures of whisky.

John Lewis have some fill your own crackers, there are boxes of 6 that only need to be filled and named, and there are some in a flat packet of 6 to fold/ decorate yourself, both £5.

Regarding napkin rings, I'd just get some plain ones, or tie the rolled napkin with ribbon, then tuck in a small sprig of holly. Make sure you wash any foliage first as it can get grubby/cobwebby outside. Ivy leaves look good too. (Thinking of people pricking themselves trying to unfold napkins.)

Not ridiculous to do chair wreaths, but what will you make them from? If from fresh foliage, will need to be done just before Christmas to look their best, just when you have a million other things to do! And they will need to be robust enough to cope with people knocking them as they go past to get to their seats, so no glass baubles!

Thank you girlywhirly - you are the voice of practicality that I need as I get carried away. I may make something for the chairs with pine cones, dried orange slices and ribbon, will have a play and see.

Good excuse to go to John Lewis too.

Serious, that sounds good. I forgot to mention, for your napkin rings you could use sprigs of fresh rosemary and bay if you have them.

Sybilvimes - am shocked at your Wilkinsons mine has loads so I bought a couple more packets (wishes there was a smug face I could use!)

that Kath has a more tat filled fabulous Wilkinsons than I do. Its not fair!!

Can I join you?
Have been studying Nigella plus the two Delia Christmas books since the end of August
Quince gin is on the go.
I have finished 1 tub of Whittards mulled wine tea drink already - am up-duffed so can't have the hard stuff

Will start the Christmas Pudding Vodka this weekend.

Could do with some poncetastic ideas for the front door - no welcome ring this year as the door is a new double glazed affair & DP would have a festive fit if required to drill a hole in it. I have enough trouble persuading him to risk life & limb hanging the outside lights!

Hi JetLi
I am also making Christmas Pudding vodka either this weekend or this afternoon. Have made sloe gin and cranberry vodka already. Have lots of 250ml wine bottles from local pub to decant into for gifts.

Not sure about front door - I have the same dilemma and have not found an adequate solution other than move house before Christmas, which is not entirely realistic.

I quite like this from Martha which could go on the hanging basket hook near the door, or somehow suspended from the outside light maybe? Would look good with holly I think.

Maybe this is lightweight enough to use some kind of sticky stuff on the glass? Fairly straightforward to make at home I would think.

Sadly moving is not feasible here either, unless some kind of torrid, whirlwind affair happens between me & HFW between now & Christmas

JetLi, what about doing a small hanging basket with a chunk of florists foam in it, and adding holly, ivy, mistletoe and fir, add in a few cheap baubles and some ribbon trails?

I have half hanging baskets in the summer, they hang on screws in the walls by the door which is pvcu, half-glazed. I hang my wreath next to the door from one of those, otherwise it would block the light into the hall.

There are large suction cup/hooks you can get for wreaths for plastic doors.