Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

TheBrideofBlatherstein I'll be keeping my eyes open for a holly bush while I'm out and about, very poncy for little effort! Brilliant

There's a picture here for inspiration :)

I like the look of that, it'd probably end up looking like I'd just launched the fruit bowl at it if I did something like that though .....will stick to just holly and berries

I am wondering if I qualify to join this thread?

I have so far;

Made Christmas chutney (second batch being made later)

Am laying out my Christmas pudding ingredients in the kitchen (all tastefully displayed) in preparation of making them with the children during half term.

Am planning my Christmastime menus

Am compiling a list of decorations to make during half term with the children

Have started DS on writing his Christmas cards out for friends.

Hmm perhaps I don't qualify after all?

Sounds good to me wangle. C'mon in :)

Have just purchased my snowman loo roll. Last year they only had 1 packet left so I felt duty bound to advise everyone that it couldn't be used for number 2s and they had to use the boring loo roll. I have bought 4 packets this morning

Kath, I have towels with a snowman on and festive pot pourri for the downstairs loo!

Festive loo roll?!!!!

Worng, but yet so right. Where did you get it from Kath?

We could offer festive loo roll as a bribe for reluctant DC to poo on the loo, instead of the boring stuff.

That purveyor of tat high quality goods Wilkinsons

I got mine from Dotcomgiftshop, at probably a much higher price than Wilkos. Dammit!

I accept that I probably, in all honesty, have no place on this thread. I'm am more tat than ponce, it would seem.

I will stick with it however and hope some of your ponciness rubs off

M&S used to do the xmas loo roll, I wasn't in the UK last year so I'm not sure if they still sell it.

Marking my place - reluctantly as doing so will mean there are no longer 666 posts! Wasted Spent most of Friday morning reading this thread from the beginning and am still only up to page 20. So many ideas to steal!

Started wrapping this morning but am think I may have to rewrap as paper I already had doesn't really fit in with my ideal for this year. Hmm.

May I join you? The AIBU about rotten Christmas meals is getting me down.

Credentials:

Surely watching Carols from Kings counts as poncey? A little bit?

Last year we did Christmas at ours and I went round Oxford covered market on the 23rd buying veg and game (they have whole deer and so on hanging up). We got a whole smoked eel to hang up in the (cool) kitchen until we ate it the next day, which is either unutterably revolting, or very Mrs Beeton, you decide.

We rent and it's teeny but we did have a tiny little proper tree and about 8 fantastic OTT black and silver harlequin-diamond baubles on it. And we do proper wrapping with ribbons and everything, and loads of candles.

On the down side, it's just DH and me in a rented flat, and he fasts from meat, dairy and booze! Doesn't mean I can't have any, but Christmas dinner last year was lots of smoked salmon, caviar and salt-baked seabass for main. No turkey!

Can I join? Pretty please?

oh I lost you all, need to get back into the spirit of things havwe had a rotten cold

LittleRedPumpkin to be truly poncetastic you have to listen to Carols from Kings on the radio - I think it's R4 - as that way you get the whole service* and I'm not sure TV is properly poncetastic.

* Disclaimer - Not that I'm religious or anything. Just that a festival of 9 lessons and carols should have 9 lessons and 9 carols.

That is very true Lady. But we don't own a TV and didn't even think of using Iplayer, so do we get the points?

You are right it's a different version on TV, and right it's not really about religion - just a beautiful Christmassy service.

Awww, I'm all in the mood already. I love proper Christmas music.

Classic FM play carols and other Christmas music, we listen from getting up until mid afternoon on Christmas day, by which we're carolled out! I like to hear the different variations and tunes for some of the carols, performed by various choirs and soloists.

My tool to carve out tealight-sized holes in fruit has arrived!! I now have an apple-candle, a lemon-candle and a potato-candle. I have arranged them on a plate with a conker garnish. I will definitely be creating some Christmas centrepieces featuring fruit candles like this

DH and DS are all .

I went to Wilkos today specially to get som tat festive toilet paper and they didn't have any! I was unreasonably disappointed.