Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

I've never been the bothered about Yule log but I have to make that!! Thanks Pumpkin.

Cake is in the oven now. It smells wonderful!

Is it possible to do poncetastic on a budget or is that against the spirit of the thing? If it's possible, I'm in ...

A lot of ponciness is around having things home-made, which fits with doing it on a budget in theory. Although I have form for spending twice as much on ingredients and equipment than it would have cost me to buy something in the first place.

Anyway, obsessing about your bauble colour scheme for the tree costs nothing, so ponce away, FrozenNorth

The key to ponciness on a budget is to get started planning next Christmas right after the Christmas you've just survived, when you can find all sorts of Christmas things on sale. You can never start too early.

FrozenNorth, I'm on a tight budget this year too. Reckon quite a lot of ponciness is do-able though on a budget, just a bit of creativity & plenty of time on MN needed I think

Ooooh, excellent! Home-made Christmas it is. I'm considering a nordic theme (already own red and white things) but don't know if it's too trend-chasing ...

Just reporting back - have taste tested spiced hot chocolate and it is seriously good. This makes quite a lot - I have made 3 gift bags from it and may even make some marshmallows to go with them. I did it by volume, just adding things to a large measuring jug and then mixing together.

350ml cocoa powder
350ml finely chopped dark chocolate (I used most of a 200g bar)
350ml caster sugar
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

Add 2-3 tablespoons to a mug of hot milk.

It was really creamy and chocolatey and tasted a bit like those German Christmas biscuits. Was good anyway.

On the sherry front Blatherskite I'd be tempted to go for something like an Oloroso if you can't get Pedro Ximenez.

Oh and can I also confess to having tinsel.

Thanks Pumpkinbummum that looks like a great recipe. Its always good to know someone else has tried things first to check they work, I have had some crappy outcomes with Nigella's recipes before.

I found some of the Sticky Pudding wine a bit cheaper online so I've ordered it. After a bit of googling I found recipes for some delicious sounding Onion relish made with it and I thought it might be nice for feeding to the Christmas Cake too so I took the plunge.

It arrives tomorrow so I'll let you know what it's like. I know nothing about wine so it's all guesswork with me - I hope it's as good as it sounds.

The hot chocolate mix sounds good too. I might have to make some of that. Mum wants vouchers for her birthday at the end of the month and she loved hot chocolate so that might be the perfect gift to go along with them. Thanks Wispa.

I am aspiring to a ponce-tastic christmas, but am stuck living with my mother whilst our house is renovated, but I am marking this thread so I can steal ideas to try and make this a christmas to remember for the right reasons (my mother has tinsel - shakes head woefully)

ok, i've been lurking and love this thread but not sure i'll be able to match your "ponce-tasticness" BUT i'm hoping that at least one of you can help me out on this thread !!!

Please!!!

TIA

I have little red Christmas stockings with white cuffs that I embroidered the DCs' names on (different colour thread for each one) that I fill with little German chocolates on Christmas Eve. Personalised bauble here

I don't know if this ties in with the ponce theme, but I have been trying to locate some heart-shaped wreaths with white lights that hang in windows in the nordic fashion. I googled and found this but, alas, too small. I want a couple of the big types as I have v big windows.

Also, I want to make my own evergreen garlands for the staircase this year. Last year I had the (gasp) artificial one, but I would like one with real foliage for the aroma. Are they difficult to make/hang?

I LOVE THIS THREAD, christmas at ILs this year (no problems with that as they are lovely) so no real organising for me to do but getting lots of ideas for future!

My poncetastic Sherry arrived!!

It smells amazing! I even had a little taste (yes I know it's 3 in the afternoon but I had to know!) and it's like liquefied Christmas pudding - all rich, sweet, dried fruits - with an alcohol tang.

It's going to be fantastic in the pudding and in the cake too!!

GOH what about getting a whicker wreath, paint it white and wrap some lights around it?

Blath sherry sounds great. I love sherry.

Grumpy, you get a piece of rope the length you need, and then make little bunches of foliage tied together. Then you attach them all slightly overlapping to the rope, by winding wire around (at the point you tied the bunches.) The wire is on a reel, and is used in floristry. Use ribbon or cable ties to attach to bannisters.

The main problems with fresh foliage indoors are:

Berries drop off
leaves either wilt or dry out over time
fir needles drop

all because they have no source of water. Perhaps consider making this just before Christmas as it won't stay looking good for long in central heating. A possible solution is to use only blue fir, as it dries out but doesn't drop needles. And fake berries, as they pose no risk of poisoning pets and babies. Also if bringing fresh foliiage inside, e.g. ivy, give it a good rinse and dry it off to get rid of bird poo/cobwebs/hibernating insects. On the plus side, fir and eucalyptus smell good.

A 2 metre garland will take a good couple of hours, excluding time taken for foliage gathering and washing.
However, you can buy test tubes with lids with a hole in to put a flower in, you fill it with water and can attach to your garland with wire. You need to keep filling them every day. You can use this as a way of beautifying an artificial garland, too.

I love sherry, I'm making fig and sherry mincemeat for the mince pies.

The sherry sounds yum.

I got it from here in the end as it was a little cheaper even with the postage added on.

It's the Barbadillo Pedro Ximenez Sherry

One of the suggested uses is poured over ice cream. I bet that's lovely.

My first Christmas project is going to be an Advent calendar. I'm going to do small tin pails with numbers (red white and green) hanging on a ribbon garland and then putting small toys, etc, inside.

Very poncey Yank. Where are you getting the pails from?

I think they've got some in craft shop, otherwise I'll have to order them online. :)