Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Sunshine it is soooo good. Even DH, who hates brussels, likes it.

Cgristmas???? Typing one handed. Sorry

mmmm edible glitter

ooh girlywhirly, you must live somewhere near me, as I make a trip out to Walkern most years too!

Am trying to do a more 'home-crafts' christmas this year though so will be checking out the candy cane/poinsetta patterns.

DWBHS - If you would like to do a very trad poncetastic Christmas in SA it can definitely be done. You can get a 'proper' Christmas tree from any of the big garden centres (Keith Kirsten's (but I think it is called Parktown Nurseries now) on corner of Jan Smuts and Bolton - in Rosebank - usually has good ones) but you need to book and buy one early on. I would start looking in November.

Many of the smaller home shops do do some brilliantly poncy stuff but you do have to hunt and look for them and buy when it when you see it.

I will be home for Christmas this year (my parents live in KZN) but just thinking of JHB makes me feel really nostalgic (I spent most of my adult life there and met my DH there )

Please keep me updated with your Christmas plans. It's nice to hear about home

Haven't got time to read all of this lovely thread right now but marking it for later as it's our year to have Christmas at home, maybe even people over for drinks on Christmas Eve, so will be after some ponce. Looking forward to sharing stir-up Sunday wiith you all.

I wanna see &worm77daisy* spreadsheet

I too don't have time to read all the wonderful ideas so I've marked this one to watch. I've always wanted a wonderful Poncy christmas, and I'm slowly working towards my goal. As the kids are a bit bigger now it all makes sense to go for it as they will think its a 'winter wonder land'. And of course the fully believe in Father Christmas (DS 5 and DD 3)

I've been thinking about the home made christmas (in the fashion of Kirstys home made home - she is my heroine) and branching out into making my own cakes & puds. The downside is we always expected to go to the MILs for the dinner - I suppose on the up side that gives me more time to pontificate with the decorations???

OH - for all of us that have the horrible UPVC door, Lakeland do a 'large suction cup' that will fix to the door that you can hook the garland on to - its a clear hook so it can't bee seen, and last year it withstood a good gale, and a heavy home-made wreath. I made sure I put mine away in the christmas box (just realised I'm on my way to ponce!)

OK Sunshine. When I have time I will make one and pop it in the post to you

No-one with any good Halloween ideas?

Dastardly, what age group for your Halloween party? What about a 'Funnybones' theme from the Janet and Allan Ahlberg books? Have a look at what is in the shops and see what you can copy and make yourselves from those ideas. See if you can find any bone shaped crisps or sweets. Bone motifs on fairy cakes, etc.

MBJ we have a gardenshop right near us which is the one I think you mean - I've already been in there asking about christmas trees - encountered some bemused looks!!

Flowerspot have done a roaring trade from me today - red ribbon with white stars on it and old gold organza bags for the advent calendar, red and white gingham ribbon for tree bows and lots of lovely natural star shaped tags with jute string and rafia.

saltdough stars drying in oven as we speak

I want to marry this thread and have its babies.

oh, good tip re the wreath hanger. I hate my Upvc door, I wanted a lovely Jacob Marley one for wreath hanging

Dastardly, I'd start a thread in the party bit for Halloween, you'd prolly get more responses. I have a Halloween book somewhere but I'll have to hunt as I don't really bother (too busy poncing for Christmas).

YAY my pudding bowls arrived :) I am stupidly excited! I have pretty china ones for posh pressies and plastic ones for wrapping in checked fabric with a matching ribbon and giving to teachers/send in the post.

I think I have found my spiritual home here.

DD1 and I have made chilli jam and chutney and made and frozen some cranberry and white choc cookies for hampers. We have made salt dough decorations and in the evenings (DD1 is only 2 and not neat enough with scissors) I have made doily snowflakes and felt heart decorations. I have a very complicated spreadsheet/calendar arrangement that is alarmingly full between now and Christmas with all the baking, craft and decorating schedules. DH thinks I am mental.

Today I am making spiced hot chocolate mix for the hampers and have dragged a toddler and a baby around 7 shops in my (still futile) search for natural coloured string to tie the labels to my gift jars. The woman in Wilkinsons clearly thought I was deranged when I tried to explain why white string would look wrong with my colour scheme.

I LOVE Christmas.

PS If anyone knows where I could find any natural coloured string please let me know as it is crucial to the overall look of my Christmas hampers.

Natural coloured raffia might do if you can't find the string you're after, Serious. Can find it in garden centres, Hobbycraft, art supplies shops. If you use a few strands together, it will tie into a nice decorative bow, very rustic.

Or you could soak lengths of white string in cold tea to 'dye' them and let them dry thoroughly!

Or you might be able to get natural garden twine, a bit hairy, but also rustic.

Nutscene do a natural twine but it is hairy.
White-type string is always to be found in village Post Offices
Raffia - I get mine from the florist. They might have some alternatives? But I use raffia for labels for herb oils and savoury jam jar stuff. Ribbons for sweet jams. I have no idea why the difference

Is salt dough really durable? I am a bit worried that if I make it now it will go mouldy by Christmas.

My crochet snowflakes are coming on very nicely though.

I also think florists would be a good place to try for alternatives to hairy string.

Thanks for all your suggestions. Hadn't thought of florist or garden centre - would probably have something. I found some on ebay in the end. I'm going to do natural coloured jute shopping bags with gold star pattern stencilled on and jars/packets of food decorated with brown paper and gold tissue paper with natural coloured string to tie labels on etc.

Have just seen great idea in Christmas magazine for painting pegs with CHristmas colours/patterns and using them to hang Christmas cards to vertically hanging ribbon. Back to Wilkinsons next week for some pegs...

I still have some in my trunk from last year sybil and this house is a little damp. My mother has the ones DD made on her dresser and they are grand. You can always varnish for long-lasting lustre .

Seriouswispa, which magazine pinched my peg idea? I am going to sue.

It's just called 'the Christmas magazine'. It has lots of lovely pictures of colour coordinated Christmas tables and trees.

Having read the thread I am now wondering if I can learn to crochet just to make snowflakes.