Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Have finalised the design of this year's cards. Purchased the materials. Not started making them yet - any day now

FattyArbuckel by tradition you should make you pudding on Stir-Up Sunday, this year 28th November (is a variable church date) so lots of time to research the best recipe. I use my Grandmother's recipe. Elderly female relatives are always a good place to start with this sort of thing - lots of make-do and mend experience!

Cracking thread!

But got so carried away with the festive fun I've just spent over £100 on the Cox and Cox website. I lost all control!

It is the first time ever I will be hosting Christmas for my folks and DD is nearly 3 so will be beyond excited. I am trying to decide what our Christmas traditions will be - can you decide these things or do they grow of their own accord organically?

But my most certain decision is to make my own bread sauce and not waste stupids amount of money on the infinitely less pleasant and more sloppy lazy buy from M&S!

OK, F....Nelson,or BoysAreLikeDogs, please can you tell me how to do the rustic orange strings. Mine went mouldy last year in the bottom of the airing cupboard. Not very pretty.
I have however already made spiced plum chutney and crab apple jelly. And I have the hyacinth bulbs and pots ready to plant so they will flower at Christmas or soon after. I am also about to pickle chillis a la Sarah Raven.
V popular last year.

rnbsmum I have just watched how to crochet on about.com, I can knit, so ermmm need a crochet hook, although I think I did learn how to crochet years ago

Tippy we got a new fireplace last year just before christmas I was sooo excited about decorating it

Bought a crochet hook this morning and have started a robin. Not difficult stitches, but very fiddly. I suppose the finished item has to be quite solid.

rnbsmum: your library will have a book about crochet, it is easier to learn than knitting.

I agree. You should never buy a house if you can't immediately visualise where your Xmas tree will go!

Aargh. Missed a page I got so carried away! That comment was to sybilvimes!

I love this! Just wish I'd found all you fellow ponchos sooner.

I am excited about hanging up the garland I bought in Paris... Handmade, wooden, says merry Christmas in French which makes it seem much more poncetastic than just boring old English. We are hosting for 10 this year.

Anyway please can you suggest ideas for things my boys can 'make' (ie have minimal input in but maximum cute factor) for their grandparents, uncles and hairy godfathers..? They are 18 months. Last Xmas I made a twins calendar with photos of them that I'd staged e.g. Playing at Wimbledon for June (I even made a scoreboard), at school desks for September, making pancakes for feb etc. I can't top that but must try!

Will be making cards using their green paint handprints to make a Christmas tree. The kitchen will be destroyed in the process no doubt.

In laws will be getting truffles and chutney from me after all the recipes on here have inspired me - thanks!

barristermum - I am dying to be able to do my Cox & Cox order! I live in Hungary and they charge a fortune for shipping overseas but am going back to UK in 3 weeks and will be ordering stuff to be delivered then! DH will not be impressed!

What did you order??

Golly, this thread is making me feel a bit faint....

but I'm marking my lace

Trumpton's link at Fri 24-Sep-10 20:05:49 contains some seriously poncadelic letters, the US always go that bit further than the UK, no?

That 'p' is playing up again - place

Buda---zone - I got the napkins on a roll, 2 sets of the angel place markings (thought 7 a very odd number to include - for a usual setting of 8 places you have to by more than one set or not give yourself a place marking!), lots of the window snowflakes, a nativity peg doll set for a goddaughter, the Christmas CD (I allow myself a new one every year as I have a ridiculously large collection), a blow football game (tee-hee), the wooden Christmas stamps for my daughter to run amok with, and the Christmas cake decorations for when I make my first ever Christmas cake! Woo-hoo!

On such a rainy day here in London, it has quite brightened me up!

Can I also suggest a post Christmas dinner alternative to the usual pudding - the ice cream version where you marinate dried fruit (esp cranberries - yum!) in alcohol of choice and then stir it with some chocolate buttons and slivered almonds into softened good quality vanilla ice cream which you then freeze in basin. You can then tip it out pudding-shaped after placing for a few seconds in hot water. It's not so heavy after huge dinner but looks fab (decorated with holly or something even more inspired from threads like these) and can be done in advance and require less bother than re-heating....

and the C&C pudding charms ...

ooh yes!

Ooh good. My issue of Good Food has arrived and includes a 16 page, make ahead Christmas Special. I'll let you know if there is anything good in it :)

Sounds good barristermum! I did a 'pretend' order and got to 160 pounds!!!! Some presents. None of the items you ordered and some general bits for house.

I might email them and ask when they need my order to ensure it arrives when I am in UK.

Wow this thread has got huge! I am making bunting tonight, either that or i might make a garland of Christmas trees and tiny stocking in my uber poncetastic material i have...

eveyone thinks I'm bonkers, I like to plan christmas so far in advance. I have most presents made. I love making little crochet star decorations in thread. They look so pretty. I'm on the look out for little glass baubles in all sorts of colours to go with the thread stars.

I've made runner bean spiced chutney, sloe gin and beetroot chutney. We've got our honey as well to go in the hampers.

I've crocheted hats for the kiddies and men and mittens for the ladies.

Card blanks made, making pretty wire stars with seed beads which I will then attach to the blanks.

I'm due DC1 on 12th December so trying to make sure everything is done. We are being cheeky this year and having Christmas dinner at mum's and boxing day tea at MiL's. Just don't think I'm going to be able to do a full dinner and cope with either baby/labour or being overdue :)

DH has poopoo'd all festive names though :(

I love cox and cox, never spent anything there, just in case I get carried away.

When I went to Montreal a few years ago for our honeymoon in June, I found a cute little chrismas shop and bought quite a lot of festive canadian accessorise for the tree and house. I have some really cute orange peel moose.

Wow kellestar you is committed girl. Way to go.

Just browsing about, saw this and thought it'd be an appropriate addition to this thread!!! Way out of my league but heigh ho!

I might just manage something out of here.

Or there's even this, i'm guessing for the real hardcore amongst you. :o

swissmiss Your third link arrived here in the post yesterday - does that mean I get to be hardcore and join the thread, or do I actually have to make it first?

DNFMB dunno as I'm def no where near poncetastic enough to be gracing this thread what where you planning to do, prop the book up on the mantle piece and have that as your nativity scene :o

Oh what a gorgeous thread :)

BUT...heres a challenge for you all. How does one poncify one's Christmas in the antipodes? Summer just doesn't lend itself to ponce nearly as well as winter does :(

Help ponce me up?