Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Fellatio - you should go to borough market in the run up to christmas. You can get game galore to hang up - including pretty much an entire dear! Made the mistake of taking my veggie sister there one year just before Christmas

ROFL @ pheasant door decorations. they'd be kicking off come twelfth night.

I need some Scandi Christmas websites to drool over. Can anyone oblige?

Fellatio - this is a great thread but I am not coming on here to contribute until LeQueen comes on and tells us what she does at chrimbo.

Look, the woman puts lavender bags in herdoor handles at NORMAL times. Can you imagine what she gets up to at Christmas? She probably has a tree better than the ones to Norwegians give us.

SHE is the poncetsastic Christmas standard holder in my book

Blimey I have just skimmed it and I don't belong here!

I am very ponce re food and really go all out, but don't deoctare the house (apart from a tree) and don't make jams etc. i made pomanders once but the cloves cut my fingers.

Get Orf our poncey thread then GetOrf!!! Unless you want to stay around and be educated in true poncetastic style? I just aspire to ponciness tbh. I say I will make chutney etc but it never happens. I do go all out decorating the house though. LOVE it!

Oh, I can't be doing with chutney making and sterilising jars.

I do heartily recommend the Nigella Turkey in brine (a la Feast) and her red cabbage recipe. I put a lot more spice and oranges in the turkey brine however. I then baste it with more butter than she days to. But it is perfect turkey.

I think we are getting our turkey delivered cooked from the Four Seasons Hotel here in Budapest! Oven not big enough to cook one and everything else.

Recipes please Hope :)

can't believe I've only just found this thread....

I'm not really very poncetastic, but more poor, so end up being poncetastic by stealth - I handmake jewellrey for all the women, knit hats for the men and generally Create Things for Christmas.

But I'm looking for a Christmas tablecloth - we have a large oval table and have 9 people round for Christmas dinner every year - any links to lovely tablecloths much appreciated!

Just out of interest, how do you sterilise a jar?

Getorf - am not a chutney maker/baker either but do like the sound of that christmas pudding vodka earlier on the thread...

dinky - Sterilise a jar by running it through a hot dishwasher and then potting jam/chutney in it whilst the jar is still hot and the jam is still hot. Seal with a screw top lid whilst its all steaming hot. This forms a vacuum and seals it.

I have finally found where I belong .

I decorated my living room with Christmas in mind.

We have 3 trees - MY living room tree that the boys decorate and then I redo so it is beautiful and artfully arranged. Kitchen tree that has lovely gingham, felt and wood decorations on in lots of colours and the boys tree in playroom with their handmade decorations, tinsel [shudder] and coloured fairy lights.

I only hang tasteful cards that match my colour scheme and presents we have been given that do not match don't get hidden at the back - they get rewrapped so that they do match

3 trees is richness indeed

Much respect 2gorgeousboys, even I do not rewrap presents.

Cheers Taffetacat

yes, I think I could be easily swayed! I think I may have eaten horse by accident on holiday, thinking it was pork. It's still sitting heavy itkwim!
Anyone got any poncetastic recommendations for a good collection of classic christmas carols. Like the look of this but I think it might be a little too poncetastic with it's emphasis on latin 'classics'!

Does anyone have a truly poncetastic recipe for christmas pudding? (sorry if it's been mentioned further up the thread, I've a memory like a sieve)

I looked at Delia's, and the one on the BBC food website, and they both look good. I need to give it to my parents a little earlier than Christmas though, because my mum will go out and buy one otherwise.

I'm just making a list of all the things we will be making; ingredients and equipment required; how long they'll keep and when I need to start making them.

Next I'm on the hunt for cheap jam jars and bottles. Wish me luck!

Yes, Getorf, when is LeQueen back? It feels like she's been gone for weeks. What if she never comes back? I can't bear to think about it. What will we do? Who will we look to for poncetastic festive guidance?

I do love my poncetastic Christmas and would love to join this thread but I feel obliged to DEFEND TINSEL.

I have some lovely thick dark cerise tinsel and when it's wound deep inside the branches (with coloured lights nestled round it) it looks gorgeous.

I'll get my coat.

Banishes Aquavit to a far away land.

Oooh, just marking my place, am aspiring to poncetastic Christmas due to general poverty. Will be back later...

Delia Delia Delia all the way for pud. I make it every year and have to put up with the rather unponcey purchasing of that dodgy Gold Label hardcore barley wine that tramps drink. It's worth the walk of shame to the checkout though as the pudding is really lovely. It's not stodgy at all and most lovely. This year I am going to try the punch sauce she recommends to go with it.

I heart Delia, even with her let's be aving you outburst. All her festive stuff is so nice. The sticky toffee puddings in her first Poncemas book are so great.

I must say, rewrapping presents wins for me so far. That really is commitment to the cause.
I need a Christmas outfit to wear on the day. What will you all be wearing?

Have decided to add to this years poncetastic-ness by having handmade bunting to drap tastefully around house.

So I have between now and december to make god knows how many mini christmas stockings in tasteful colours. Dad is very keen on the idea though as apparently his dad (very poor family) made bunting/tree decorations from left over wool every year. He has volunteered to make some pom poms to go with it. Bless! (obviously in the spirit of the thread any non appropriately coloured ones will be hidden in down-stairs loo).

I was all set to go out sloe hunting this evening after dh got home from work but he has scuppered this by deciding to be late home. Does the man not realise there are less than 13 weeks until C day!

Although may have to relegate sloe gin in favour of strawberry vodka - thanks for the recipe sounds yum!