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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

1000 replies

FellatioNelson · 24/09/2010 17:02

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

OP posts:
Blatherskite · 27/09/2010 16:45

Recipe please anxiety!! Pllleeeaaassee! They sound yummy

Tippychoocks · 27/09/2010 16:49

oooo yes mathsanxiety, they do sound good.

mathanxiety · 27/09/2010 17:43

The stars or the rolls? (both are delish actually)

Blatherskite · 27/09/2010 17:47

The rolls please

Or both if you're feeling generous :)

bladders · 27/09/2010 18:04

Another request for cinnamon rolls pls. That sounds like just what i am looking for.
Mmmm. With hot chocolate. and a shot of amaretto to start the day off. Ooooooooh

PiggyPenguin · 27/09/2010 18:18

I really really want to join, pleeeeeeeeeeease?

Have just moved into older house with 3 reception rooms and a conservatory to decorate for christmas. Nothing from old (modern) house seems right and having invited all parents around for christmas it needs to be good.

I made Delia's christmas cake last year with help from some ladies on here and will definitely do it again this year, but otherwise I feel like a poncetastic yule-tide virgin next to you lot. I have learnt not to decorate a room duck egg blue from this thread already though.

taffetacat · 27/09/2010 18:25

oooh I made Nigella's cinnamon rolls last weekend and they were yum, do share your recipe as they were wolfed down v sharpish. We have a boiled egg tradition here on Christmas morning, but a breakfast pudding wouldn't go amiss.....with hot chocolate maybe......whats the best hot chocolate?

I am looking for something tasteful to put on my iced Christmas cake, yes I know its much more poncetastic to have glazed dried fruits and almonds etc but we are marzipan fetishists here so I'm having none of it.

I saw this which is kind of what I'm after in a Scandi style but its a bit too much I think. Anyone manage to source any tasteful Xmas caketop decorations?

mathanxiety · 27/09/2010 19:39

All right, here is the recipe for the cinnamon rolls. It was originally a recipe for cardamom rolls but I got tired of crushing cardamom seeds with mortar and pestle. My recipe mixes up metric dry measurements and imperial fluid measurements as some of my kitchen equipment is out of date old.

ROLLS
1/2 oz active dry yeast
4 fl ozs pretty warm water
4 fl ozs milk
1/4 lb (115 g) butter
1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
115 g castor sugar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
400 g - 500 g plain flour

FILLING
115 g softened butter
115 g sugar or more to taste
1-2 Tbsp cinnamon, plus a pinch of ground cardamom (optional)
Pinch of salt and pepper, strange but true
(Mix cinnamon, optional cardamom, S & P and sugar together)
Chopped walnuts optional

GLAZE:
220 g icing sugar
2 fl oz milk
1/2 tsp vanilla

METHOD
Sprinkle the yeast over the warm water, stir to dissolve; set aside.
Heat milk to just simmering in a small pan; remove from heat; add 1/4 lb butter, stirring until melted.
Stir in 1/2 tsp cinnamon, castor sugar, salt. Allow to cool until warm.
Pour warm milk mixture and yeast into large mixing bowl.
Beat in eggs one at a time.
Add about half the flour, beating until smooth. Add enough of the remaining flour by hand, unless you have a heavy duty mixer, to make a dough that is easy to handle but not gloppy.
Turn dough out onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 (long) minutes.
Place in a buttered bowl, turning to coat all sides with butter.
Cover, let rise in a warm, draught free spot until dough is doubled -- this may take up to 2 1/2 hours, but check after an hour, depending on where it is.

Heat oven to 180', gas 4, grease a 13x9 ish pan with sides that are about 2 inches high, or two 8 or 9 inch cake pans with high sides ***

When risen, punch down and turn dough onto floured surface again.
Roll out into a 12 x 18" rectangle. Spread the softened butter all over the rectangle, then sprinkle the cinnamon sugar plus the pinch of S & P over the butter. Sprinkle on chopped nuts if used.
Roll the dough up like a Yule Log with the short side forming the curled ends.
Don't even think of trying to cut rolls with a knife -- use a thread slipped under the cylinder to cut 12 - 15 rolls, one at a time (cross your arms and grab ends of thread, then uncross arms with thread slicing straight through the dough).
Place the cut rolls, cut side up and down, in greased pan. Do not pack the rolls tightly.
Cover; let rise until doubled in a nice warm spot, 45 mins to 1 hour.
Bake until golden brown; check after 20 minutes. Should take no longer than 30 mins. (My oven tends to be hot so I can't be precise about the time)

I find the rolls have a good flavour if made the day before and then warmed up before adding the glaze.

Make a glaze: Add vanilla to icing sugar, then add milk gradually, stirring constantly until drizzling consistency is achieved.
When the rolls have cooled a bit, top with glaze and dig in.

Optional extra = chopped nuts

I'll have a look for the ginger stars recipe and post it when I find it.

taffetacat · 27/09/2010 20:05

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum sounds lovely

MrsChemist -re sloe hunting - you need the blackthorn bush. Spiky, prickly often used as hedging in areas like allotments, sides of fields etc.

MrsSchadenfreude · 27/09/2010 20:11

I will have a poncetastic Christmas simply by doing all my shopping in Rue Poncelet. Grin

sandsad · 27/09/2010 20:15

How I love this thread Grin

I have the Christmas Lakeland catalogue, and am expecting my Good Housekeeping mag any day.

However, I am going to let the side down by having an illuminated reindeer family on the front lawn this year. I'm so sorry, but this is the first year we have had the house with the front garden and a real chimney (for which I will be sewing the childrens stockings) and I have longed for the LED reindeer family.

Tat-tastic Grin

bladders · 27/09/2010 20:24

Thank you for the recipe, that sounds lovely

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/09/2010 20:35

I went to a NT house called Calke Abbey in Derbyshire several months ago and came back with a bootful of the biggest pinecones ever. They are sitting in the shed awaiting the dusting of gold shimmery glitter and some red ribbon so I can hang them off the tree.

I live in a 2 bed flat, any tips for having truely poncetastic decorations in a small space?

We always have Christmas lunch and supper at my parents house so must admit I go mad with the table decorations over there. Not sure what to go for this year.. Did gold candleabras (sp?) with faux crystal droplets last year. Was most impressive, neeed to go one better though!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/09/2010 20:37

Oh yes must ask, if I was to go out and pick some sloe berries now (me and my dad are very eager to make some sloe gin!) Would we have to wait until next year to drink it? He said we would, but like I say im very eager!!

taffetacat · 27/09/2010 20:43

ferret - no two months is fine. You need to prick them add sugar and then turn the gin bottle over every week or so. I like a silver sprayed giant allium head or two on the table. you can also spray other veg eg runners/artichokes.

has anyone mentioned the most wonderful poncetastic Xmas book on the planet?

Its my Christmas bible and its only a fiver!!!

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/09/2010 20:46

Thank you, shall tell my dad tomorrow and we can go out and pick some, I will probably have to do the majority of it, he out his back out when we went blackberrying. Grin

Blatherskite · 27/09/2010 20:58

Thanks for the recipe anxiety. I might have to have a 'trial run' of those just to test them :)

Am thinking a lone, fondant icing snowman on the top of the (royal iced) Christmas cake this year. With some pretty ribbon for a scarf. Maybe with a sprinkling of edible glitter for the frost. Simple but still appealing to 3 year old DS.

Did the cake with bought decorations last year Blush In my defense I was about a day off giving birth when I iced it!!

Prinnie · 27/09/2010 21:11

sandsad thanks to you I have just lost 55 mins of my evening drooling over the Lakeland website Christmas section!

Booboobedoo · 27/09/2010 22:06

Am cross that I haven't seen this thread until now.

I am an aspiring Christmas Ponce, and will be unable to fulfill my ponce potential this year, as my (as yet) unborn DD will be about six weeks old on Christmas Day.

However, I've already written and addressed my carefully chosen Christmas cards, done 80% of the Christmas shopping, knitted cashmerino wool Father Christmas hats for DS and newborn DD and bought this years New Decoration.

(I, too, buy one or two really lovely ones every year, and eschew tinsel).

I make pomanders, Delia Christmas cake and pudding, mincemeat and chutneys.

For the last two years, I've used an adapted sweet pastry (with icing sugar and egg-yolk) to make my mince pies, and home-made flaky pastry for my sausage rolls.

My south-facing living room is duck-egg blue, but has a fantastic fireplace which was MADE for Christmas. It can definitely carry red and gold.

Love the sound of Tippy's Christmas. You are a Ponce after my own heart.

MinkyBorage · 27/09/2010 22:09

Oh I am so here, I got the Delia Christmas book out of the library today, altready have the nigella one. I am soooooooooooooooo excited. Only slight problem is that I'm vegetarian at the moment.

Great thread!!!

SunshineOnLee · 27/09/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffyguineapigs · 27/09/2010 23:32

Smile at Mrs Ticklemouse. The place I know is lovely, it's a campsite during the summer but now just empty of humans and full of deer - we'll probably see a herd down there.

silver earrings are sooo easy to make - you just need three jewellery making pliers (round nose, needle nose and blunt), fish hook ear wires, jump rings, head pins or chain and beads which you can get from ebay.

argeybargey · 27/09/2010 23:40

Ooh, lovely thread - Yes, I'll join you all in getting Christmas well and truly ponced up.Let Poncification Commence..

minervaitalica · 28/09/2010 08:06

Uh uh - yes Xmas cake decorations an issue this year. Last year it was igloos, penguins and snowy pine trees (my grown up dsis took real pleasure in biting the head of the penguins off... ehm). I need sth that DD (2)will like but PONCETASTIC. Ideas pls????

Also tree last year was red and silver, but will be investing in a new EXPENSIVE tree anyway (old one was bought in Bradford city centre in 1999 for 12 quid... Has a history but does not look too great any more). I am thinking rustic theme: keep the red stuff but add on pine cones, home made decs which I have received, raffia thing... Not sure where to find those though, as the fashion is for lime green etc.

Does anyone have a recipe for the dough to make frosted biscuits?

FellatioNelson · 28/09/2010 10:15

MinkyBorage I LOVE the fact that you are a vegetarian 'at the moment.' You sound like you could be so easily led, and up for defection at the drop of a hat!

And let's face it, a truly Poncetastic Christmas would be wasted on a vegetarian.

I might hang a brace of pheasant outside my door. I don't really like pheasant but you've got to admit they make the perfect poncestastic outdoor Christmas decorations.

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