Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Thank god I have found this tonight. I spent this morning waving my tilda Crafting Christmas Gift book at DH asking for his opinions on the nice little gingerbread man garland. He had a desperate look in his eyes, so probably best to keep that kind of chatter to this thread from now on.
Can I join in? I am hosting Xmas for the first time ever and I have been planning for ages already. It's a bit sad but I just don't care.
Am going scandinavian this year. Not exactly original, but nice.
Will also probably cause a family rift by not cooking 20 types of sodden veg, I think a few foofed up will suffice. Brussels with chestnuts etc.
Usually make delias cakes and puddings every year for mum and mil, this year I shall be trying stollen and nigellas Christmas morning muffins as well, anyone done those?
I don't think I will cope without a tin of quality street though.... Am I still allowed to play?

I have already made beetroot and ginger chutney, bought DD christmas eve pjs, have numerous stocking fillers for DCs and am diligently reading Nigella's "Christmas" most evenings. Surely due for a Pulitzer IMO.
Deep down I'm just a wannabe Ponce as DH does all the Christmasand Boxing Day cooking. MIL makes the pud, Mum brings over the veg all prepared. That said I make the christmas cake,table display, muffins and this year Buche Noel (is that poncey enough for you??!)
I have also started buying Christmas grub such as After Eights, M and S tin of Shortbread etc.
DS aged 3 has already developed the ways of the Christmas ponce and sent a letter to the man in red last week. It had no words, just a picture of a pile of golden coins. He already knows the true meaning of Christmas!

We have to have Quality Street so the children can decorate things with the wrappers later in the year...... well thats my story and im sticking to it!

Bladders,
I made Nigella's muffins last year and tho I do so love La Lawson (see above) the muffins weren't great so I'm looking for another recipe this year. DH usually insists on scrambled egg with smoked salmon but some of DCs not that keen.

Marking my place... Xmas is always poncetastic in Bethjeff land.

We had to drag our REAL xmas tree up 3 flights of stairs in our duplex last year.

It had lost half of it's spindles by the time we got it up there.... we're getting it craned through the french windows this year- not making that mistake again!

Were still in our grotty, tiny Flat this year, just wait until i have a house then i can spread my Xmas wings in real poncey style!

Bladders I did Nigella's muffins last year and have to agree with CMD they weren't great, I think this year I will use the holly leaf idea on normal fairy cakes for Christmas fair or something

We are gutting the front room next week and I need a fireplace (faux or real) to hang the DC's needlepoint stockings from.

To my shame I made DH peer into someone's front room whilst walking down the street last night, to admire the fireplace that caught my eye.

Oh, shall have to think of something else for Christmas breakfast then. I tried nigellas apple kuchen thing once from the domestic goddess book, that might be nice. With sparkles.
Oh god, am in danger of self combusting. I really love christmas. Off to check decorations for rogue tinsel........

Another vote against Nigellas Christmas muffins - dry and uninteresting I thought (a shame, as it seems like a lovely idea...

Marking my place, poncetastically of course.

Ooh please could I join too? For this recession-chic Christmas I have:

already made several batches of blackberry and apple jam and jelly and spiced crab-apple jelly (boiled jam with mulling spices in muslin). I may well go extra poncetastic by making another batch of crab-apple jelly and decanting it into baby food jars (cunningly saved from last year) which I will decorate with restrained christmas motifs with glass paints to make little stocking fillers / votifs.

I have got into silver wire work and have made sterling silver beaded hearts threaded with ribbon to hang on the tree - or wherever throughout the year.

I will make beaded sterling silver earrings as stocking fillers.

Our tree does not have a theme, but is not tastefully decorated with assorted Christmas baubles that I was given as a child until now for Christmas.

I have a fantasy that we will get round this year to making the Dr Oetker pack of gingerbread Christmas trees with boiled sweet stained glass windows to hang on the tree.

We always make chestnut stuffing on Christmas Eve and may gather them from the forest next weekend (instead of Asda).

Love the idea of salt dough decorations and dehydrated oranges. Possibly Too Much though? Should poncey stuff be used sparingly for full effect?

fluffy, am at your forest of chestnuts, if only the conkers we have in abundance round here were sweet as opposed to horse!! And your ability to make earrings, might have to add that to list of stuff to occupy myself with whilst DH is on tour!

Right - I need poncetastic stockings for the kids. I made one for DS when I only had a PFB but a) it's rubbish and b) I don't have the time to make one for DD - I need to buy some.

Need tips on decorating fast too. DD's 1st birthday is the 17th December, birthday shenanigans happening on the 18th so I can't decorate for Christmas till the 19th and need to get us looking suitably, poncetastically, festive in just a couple of days!

Need to find Nestle Free After Eights too. I love them but we support the boycott. M&S do some similar don't they?

Which reminds me of my poncetastic hint - Christmas Pudding Wine from M&S (if you can get it!) It's lovely with all Christmas desserts. Was very disappointed that our local M&S wasn't one of the ones chosen to stock it last year so I couldn't get any!!

Ah yes Christmas Pudding Wine . YYY .

Also a word to you all planning stockings ....
Make or buy 2 per child. One goes on bed or wherever other is filled earlier and then just swapped over during the night. Trust me, I wish I had done that. It would save the tiptoeing in and the frantic stuffing of said stocking whilst having traditional hissy fit with DH at midnight .And then tiptoeing back in to replace on bed.

Blatherskite, yes M&S do after eights, very nice they are too, not quite as good as the original but as a fellow boycotter they will do nicely!

Christmas Stockings Some more ponce than others but in generally I love everything that website has to offer!

As for decorating fast, I suggest sending the DH out with the DC's, getting yourself a nice, but moderately sized, glass of mulled wine and cracking on in peace broken only by suitably festive music!

What do you all fill Christmas stockings with?

Loads of people on here have duck egg blue walls! Mine is more duck a la orange! (meant to be "mocha" ) What colour theme? Do I have time to redecorate?!

None of us really like turkey! What to cook? Not keen on duck or goose either. Chicken?

Crackers - please dont tell me you all make Christmas crackers...

I was about to ask about fillings for home-made crackers

Our stockings are filled with all those little bits I find that I think DS/DH will like...boats for the bath, little books,toy cars, gorillapods...and chocolate coins :)

Oh and our lounge is terracotta/cream (will be a far more stylish off-white by this Christmas) and we have gold/red/purple decorations. Might work with Mocha?

I am in awe at all you domestic poncessas

Have never yet hosted christmas - and wont be doing so this year either as having to move to small rental flat while gutting our house - but my inner ponce yearns to be set free. What would be the best failproof start to set me on the way of christmas poncery - homemade schnappes or christmas biscuits?

OOh look - Make your own crackers for those who don't have time to make their own crackers :)

Homemade gifts without the hassle of having to go out and get the bits here

Marking my place here. Do not live in the UK but I can still have a poncetastic Xmas can I? 5-6 courses' meal (including home made dessert pudding decorated with gold leaf last year as a dessert amuse bouche before Xmas pudding), coloured lights banned, big open fire, red and gold table set, 15 half drunk family members around the table.

Oh, and we may have real snow by then. Can I join?

Christmas breakfast chez Anxiety is not complete without warm homemade cinnamon rolls drizzled with vanilla glaze.

This year I'm hoping my little gingerbread stars will finally make it to the tree. The first year we made them we forgot to add the holes in the top for stringing a ribbon through , and last year they all got eaten somewhere between the kitchen and the living room. I think the solution will be to make literally hundreds of them. They will look ever so attractive alongside the handcrafted straw angels, a little like this only angels, that we picked up in a Kriskringle Market (oh the gluhwein!) a few years ago.