smoking in-laws and our three children

[cba]

ok, dh thinks i need to relax a little. Would like your honest opinions.

Ok, fil very good when he needs to smoke he will go to the kitchen in his house shut the door and smoke.

Mil says she will not be treat like a school girl and will do it wherever she wants.

Yesterday we were at her house and in her kitchen so she went to the living room to smoke, but then came in the kitchen opened the window and continued to smoke and lit another. The children were eating so couldnt take them to the living room as they dont eat in there.

dh thinks i need to relax and says the issue is more to do with me and her. She is very controlling and caused alot of probkems between me and dh. I do have an issue in forgetting what she has done, e.g. blaming me when dh had a two year affair and generally just causing trouble for me.

So, if you are were in this situation what would you do? I have had a massive row with dh as he says she might be trying to change and get involved a little more. I think after ten years of giving into her and trying to make her happy I have had enough and have reached breaking point.

What is the best thing I can do? Even on the rare time she comes to our house she moans about going outside for a cigarette.

kitaqueen, has someone you knew died of lung cancer? I think that is sad whether they smoke or not, especially if they didnt smoke.

No one deserves to die because they smoke. I do understand that it is an addiction. All I have asked for is respect of my opinions that children are not subjected to a smoky confined space.

I may be a fighting a losing battle, but, I believe it is my right to decide if I think it is appropriate for my children to inhale smoke, and on the other hand each adult has the right to smoke if they so wish.

Why is it difficult to reach a compromise without being persecuted, as I am continually???

I have had a huge row with my dh today about his responsibility to me and the kids, this not the sole issue, and told him to grow a pair, as someone put it earlier.

He agrees his mum shouldnt smoke around the kids yet he allows it and then backs down when there is conflict. Tells me he agrees with me, and for all i know probably tells his mum she is right.

I have had enough and told him so. He has now gone off for a few hours to think about what he wants out of life.

Its called accumulative Onager. The more you get the higher your chances are. Personally I don't like it and I also wonder why you have hijacked this thread and attacked me in the 1st place. Maybe some things are too close to home?

I think you are a Troll.

edam I don't need to make stuff up. do some research.

Onager has been around for ages, kkq. Do 30 seconds' research. Oh, sorry, you already did!

No, that's not the way it works. You make a claim, it's your job to back it up. So which are these 'new' cancers that haven't been seen before? And where's the proof they have anything to do with grandparents smoking in the 70s.

Oh what an awful situation. My FIL and step MIL smoke as does DH's step bro. Their house always stinks, I do not go to their house as I cannot stand the smell, let alone the horrible way it makes me feel ill.
DD does not go, they do moan about it. DD has never been to their house and never will, even if no one activly smoked while we were there as it is like a think fog of smoke as soon as you walk in.

I know it sounds harsh, but DH and I do not smoke and I don't expect DD to be exposed to it either, just to keep them happy. They are more than welcome to come here (they smoke outside on the patio with the patio heater on in cold weather) We also invite them out for lunch/dinner (we pay) to see DD. They do not want that, but it is tough as DD will NOT be going to their house full stop.

MIL did smoke, she has recently given up and is doing fab, but she understood that if she wanted to see DD at her house then she didn't smoke aaround her. Although that was never a problem as MIL only smoked outside in her garden and not in her house anyway. Step FIL doesn't smoke so not a problem.

edam. my information is based on a discussion with my fathers surgeon prior to his 1st operation to remove a cancerous tumour, the surgeon in question is a leader in his field and the discussion involved how could this cancer have occured. The possibilities of passive/ paternal/ familial smoking was discussed as well as the fact that when men are smokers it affects the dna of their sperm and that many new cancers have ben found since the 70's . Personally I am now leaving this thread. It is far too painful to relive the events. I only came on here to support cba as have many others and I feel rather victimised.

Good Luck CBA I hope that you get everything sorted.

I hope that all of you never have have to go through what my family has been through and is still going through today.

Goodbye.

KKQ

kitaqueen, i am so sorry you feel victimised, especially as you feel the real pain and reality of cancer. I appreciate your support and honesty. Please check back in your comments are valued.

victimised because people asked her to explain the facts behind her remarks?
If you don't want to have a conversation, probably best not to post in the first place. Or choose somewhere fluffier than MN.

I really dont think that kitkatqueen was feeling victimised because she was asked to back up her statements, I suspect it was down to the rather 'mocking' tone of onagers post on page 2 blathering on about reiki and healing stones

Anyway, back to the thread.

CBA - good for you. Your DH sounds like a complete tit.

Passive smoking is harmful - fact. Just how how harmful it really is appears to be in question but then how harmful does it need to be where our kids are concerned? (puzzled)