Partner has nowhere to stay whilst I stay in hospital with our son who is recovering from a operation

[oldmoutcider]

Son has had an operation and we were due to stay four nights. Operation didn’t go as planned so we now in for the foreseeable. We had a hotel booked for him to stay at for four nights at a cost to ourselves whilst I stayed at the hospital but we need to stay longer and only one can stay by the bedside.
Hospital are now saying they have no accommodation for him. We are 2.5 hours from home. Any idea what we are expected to do?

Check out the new zedwell capsule hotel if he isn't claustrophobic and just needs a place to sleep. Alternatively look at places on the outskirts of London on the main trainlines from King's Cross as they will be cheaper.

No advice but I just wanted to wish you're little one a speedy recovery. Hopefully you can sort something out soon x

Back 15 years ago when the parent accommodation was full, sometimes a dad would sleep in with the child and the mum would sleep in dorm type accommodation called the mothers unit or something like that. I assume that’s done away with now?

@Shufflebumnessie Thank you. We did look at this one for our original four night stay but they didnt have any availability. We are sorted for tonight but good shout for our next few nights x

@MikeRafoneThank you. He is a superstar bless him. Wouldn’t change anything we have done.(Obviously the operation doing wrong!) I didn’t think I was being entitled in wanting a family being kept together on what has already been an expensive and traumatic week! X

Not read the whole thread, but wouldn't it be useful for hospitals to have a list of DBS checked people who would be happy to give B and B to people who have family in hospital and can't afford to stay in hotels?

There's a hostel in Russell Square I think that's near you.

I think if your child is extremely ill or in intensive care they can find somewhere. If he is ‘just’ in hospital and it is because your dip is choosing to be there they won’t. Most people need to keep life going back home/work so that’s normally OK.
I have had multiple children spend weeks in hospital not once was there somewhere dp could stay.

Ronald McDonald’s has places but at GOSH they usually have a lot of demand for them. Might be worth contacting them to see if they have a random bed for 1 night?

Unfortunately, this is spot on.

Suggest one of you stay with your son, there should be a pull down bed for the parent who stays to help and look after his welfare, and the other return home until he's ready to be discharged.

Also if you are on low income and are going to be a while PALS are worth speaking too (they were giving out vouchers for all sorts last time I was in, might have an idea about accommodation too.) The ward also might have a list of local places for you to try (probably all quite pricey! For food lots of the local shops have good deals after 4 pm. There was an M & S nearby that sometimes had great deals. I could probably walk there with my eyes closed if I was back at the hospital ha ha!

Hopefully tomorrow you will be given a better idea of timings as far as how long you are likely to be staying in, and based on that you may be able to get hospital accommodation as a longer stay patient or that he’ll be discharged soon, if the later perhaps you dh can go home for a few days then return if you need help with returning home

I’m surprised GOSH can’t accommodate you - that is not how people I know who have had kids there have been treated. I know families who have stayed in hosp accommodation w their other kids and even grandparents. The ‘but it’s the weekend’ card is such a rubbish one - people don’t get ill to rule! I hope they’ll sort something out for you tomorrow.

@Tryonemoretime I’ve actually helped a mumsnetter out myself (different hospital) I picket her up, brought her back to mine, she had a nap, showered, had a home cooked meal and then I dropped her back with lots of heavier snacks. In that case the child was having an 8 hour long procedure that she couldn’t be there for and just needed a break.

id happily put up a family/parent from time to time if there were a scheme, we are 30 minutes from a children’s hospital and 20 minutes from the regional trauma hospital

Sounds like a nightmare for the hospital to administrate. DBS checked just means hasn't been caught doing anything illegal with vulnerable groups, it doesn't mean that they have a suitable and safe home for accommodation. Imagine if somebody on the list smoked in their own home, or had dodgy electrics, or their banister on their stairs was incomplete or they had a mean cat that scratched people etc. A hospital couldn't monitor all that and somebody would blame the hospital if they recommended one that went wrong.

I imagine that there are some Air B&Bs near to GOSH who regularly have family of patients staying with them, and their listings probably state what relevant services they offer - things like 24 hour access if you want to pop back when pt is asleep for a shower, offer of a packed lunch box, that sort of thing.

Try the YHA or other hostels if you need cheap overnight accommodation in London. I booked a private 4 bed en-suite room to myself recently in central London and it was still cheaper than a hotel.

As a GOSH parent veteran the only thing I'd say really is a) family/patient hotel accomodation is charity funded and an extremely stretched resource b) at least you're in a room with just your DC and you - I've done a long term stay in hospital rooms there with other families that have involved other families getting awful diagnoses, it's not pretty c) I would highly recommend the tag team plan suggested above for your own sanity if nothing else.

I'm sorry the surgery didn't go as planned, hopefully he's out of there soon

Oh and one last thing, amazing advice I got given by another parent when I first arrived there. They are an absolutely brilliant hospital but communication can be chaotic.

For your own sanity, if it's not something life and death, let it go.Continuing to push for information on things gets you nowhere and will just stress you out more. Was like a crash course in meditation or acceptance of things I cannot change when I was there.

Single parents struggle to manage to eat a meal, have a wee, wash their face because a) children's wards are not suitable nowadays for leaving your child unattended
b) you daren't risk missing the doctor's coming round/the summons for a long-awaited scan etc.

When I was a child in hospital in the 80s there was no provision for parents to stay so parents went home over night but lovely nurses with the time to do so properly looked after the ward and all the kids on it.

Nowadays a parent is barely allowed to leave a child unattended in hospital. I asked a nurse to keep an eye on my DD while I literally ran to the car to get some stuff we needed and she looked as though I'd asked her to buy me a Porsche.

My DD's mental health is pretty much fucked since her hospital experience and I think I'm partially to blame because I did occasionally leave her unattended so I could go and buy food and looking back I really should not have left her as childrens' wards are extremely stressful.

I wish some posters on this thread could show a bit more compassion. Until you've experienced a very unwell child in a children's hospital you really cannot imagine how challenging it is.

https://www.sickchildrenstrust.org/stories/guilford-street-house-helped-us-to-retain-a-little-normality/

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/news/gosh-charity-opens-new-family-accommodation-powis-place/

these might be helpful links, possibly you know about these places, or might not and could be helpful for next time. Some of these houses allow parents to use daytime only. If you got a hostel for your dog and then use of the kitchen, lounge facilities in the. Daytime at one of the charity houses, that might help.

I know! It is outdoor, so I appreciate that it's weather dependent... However it is always locked! I'm not sure who has the power to open it 😂 Reception never know and security don't either! Weird!

You're not being entitled OP. Posters are right that in most cases there is no provision for a second parent to be accommodated by the hospital but they are absolutely wrong to have a dig at you for asking the question. There's a huge amount of empathy bypass on this thread!

Wishing you a much smoother time ahead

I can't believe people are suggesting your DH commutes in every day from the NE! That would be £200-300 per day at short notice (just checked the prices from my NE city). Crazy.

@oldmoutcider I can't believe the lack of sympathy you are getting. It's exhausting being in hospital with a DC and having your OH nearby to come in regularly and give you the chance to shower and eat makes all the difference. I would be sending texts all the time saying 'take in X, Y and Z' when I was in with DS and DH would be in and out several times a day, we live 5 mins from the hospital.

Make sure you have plenty of snacks and drinks and some of those John West on the go meals to store in the bedside cabinet so you always have something to eat. There might be a kitchen so parents can cook for themselves and store things in a fridge.

Great ormond street ( GOSH ). London, so awful to drive to and expensive to park / stay. It is an amazing hospital though , exclusively for children

Could it be they have limited resources and as worrying as your situation is there will be terminally ill children who need their family more and so take priority? They have a difficult job trying to help so many people but really serious cases would maybe need more help?

Totally understand limited resources and yes there will be children more ill than my child but I am not asking for much I don’t think. All we need is a bed as the cost to commute or stay in a hotel is unsustainable in the long term x