Partner has nowhere to stay whilst I stay in hospital with our son who is recovering from a operation

[oldmoutcider]

Son has had an operation and we were due to stay four nights. Operation didn’t go as planned so we now in for the foreseeable. We had a hotel booked for him to stay at for four nights at a cost to ourselves whilst I stayed at the hospital but we need to stay longer and only one can stay by the bedside.
Hospital are now saying they have no accommodation for him. We are 2.5 hours from home. Any idea what we are expected to do?

That's horrible. I hope your son gets well soon.
It might not be for everyone but the cheapest place I've seen in London is those sleeping pods (Google sleeping pods london) if it's just for him to sleep then he can spend the rest of the day in the hospital.

What happened today?

I think as long as there is one parent present then they have made sure the child has support, in an ideal world they would have unlimited resources

@Kirbert2My partner has been given a room for the night in the family accommodation thankfully x

I have spent many many nights in hospital with a Dc recovering from surgery over years of surgeries and it is horrible. Especially being on your own and needing to get to the shop / cafe etc - though our hospital had a tea point with a toaster, fridge and microwave.

The problem is that GOSH has almost 400 beds, and as a national specialist hospital treating serious conditions, presumably huge proportion of those are children whose parents do not live locally.

I once spent a few days where the Mum at the next bed of our London hospital was from the IoW. She and her Dc had arrived by ambulance or possibly even helicopter with nothing, she knew no-one on London. After a couple of days her DH came up from the IoW for the day and brought some clothes - but because of the timing of their child's surgery he missed seeing his Dc and had to go back on the train and ferry before she came out of surgery It was heart breaking. I brought her a clean towel and a packet of new pants from Sainsbury's. A volunteer buddy-scheme would be very useful for parents who travel for children's treatment. To fetch food, take clothes home to wash, etc etc.

It's so expensive having a Dc in hospital, even before travel and accommodation costs.

But hopefully it’s not long term is it? It’s just til Thursday, fingers crossed! Hope today went well with recovery ❤️‍🩹

Parent accommodation in some of the major hospitals is often funded by a charity, not the NHS. Years ago, I had a room near my child ( teenager) for the duration of their stay. It was funded by a charity and I was asked to consider making a donation for my stay, which I did. It was very basic but I was so happy to have it.

But even until Thursday it’s still four nights in a hotel or even more money getting a train back home. Fingers crossed he passes his ultra sound so we can go home for a bit of normality before it all starts again in a month.
@FlorenceAndTheVagineRecovery has gone well today thank you. He has taken over the ward bless him x

They only accommodate parents when the child needs HDU/ICU care. As only one parent is permitted to stay they would expect the other to go home, and then you swap over at some point.

My son was at GOSH for two months a few years ago. Thankfully at the time we lived in London, but what some people who haven't had children in hospital don't realise is that you don't want to be more than about a mile from your child at that time. It's not really about practicalities, it's about the emotional draw towards your child, and to be with them for as many hours a day as possible.

My husband had to stay at home (about four miles away - it might as well have been a hundred as far as I was concerned and I felt terrible for him that he had to be there but we had two other children to look after.) I stayed in a flat that GOSH provided me with and even though it was across the road I hated going back to it. So what I'm saying is that I totally understand that feeling of just having to be near your child, and in cases where there aren't other children in the family to be looked after, it would be ideal if both parents could be there, and hospitals should try as much as possible to make this happen. It's not just in your interests - it's in your child's best interests to have his parents nearby as much as they can be. I believe it has a huge impact on recovery. I am sending you love xx

I'm so happy for you. Hopefully he can stay there now until your little ones speedy discharge on Thursday xx

They prioritise the parents of children in HDU/PICU but other parents can asked to be put on a waiting list and will be offered a bed if one is free.

It works almost exactly how it worked at the children's hospital my son was at for months.

@RingInTheNewThank you. It is the support I have received from
my partner too that has made so much difference. Trying to keep a very active three year old in one place whilst connected to drips/catheters etc is no mean feat by myself without having to worry about finances or having something to eat.

@Kirbert2Thank you! Here’s hoping for
a Thursday release x

Isn’t there a McDonald’s house?

They still don’t have anywhere to stay

@LilywcMy partner has somewhere to stay tonight. He isn’t guaranteed a place on the other nights though. His name is added to a list and we find out if he gets a place about 4.30pm on the day x

Hope you get sorted xx

Pay for your accommodation yourself? The NHS is not a hotel service.

So sorry to hear your son’s operation didn’t go to plan, i wish him a speedy recovery.
My 1 year old is a regular at GOSH and just had 3 ops in september there. Most of the time if your outside of the m25 they offer accommodation but it’s always something that has to be put in plan in advance with confirmation emails with bookings etc. We aren’t local to the hospital either and have always stayed in the patient hotel the night before surgery. It does offer accomdation but my husband has always gone home the night of the surgery and just come back as and when he can (we have a 3 year old at home who he needs to be with). It’s a hard time there but use to staff to help you, there is lots of staff that aren’t nurses who will help you if he’s attached to machines and non mobile, they will help you with a drink or if you need a shower they will sit with him etc. It really is one of the most amazing places on this earth, make friends with other mums if you can as your all in this together. All the best for his recovery.

Children's hospitals do provide accommodation for families and OP's partner is staying in one of their beds tonight as they know it is beneficial for the child to keep the family together when it's possible. Though it is usually charities rather than the NHS.

It's really great that charities such as the sick children's trust can make this happen for families.

I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Wishing your son a full and speedy recovery. He is in the best place, and no doubt receiving excellent care.
Our 5 y/o son was transferred to GOSH from local hospital A&E department with a perforated bowel, and unexpectedly diagnosed with cancer within 24 hours. He then spent 4 months there recovering from major surgery and recieving chemo. There was accommodation for one parent only. My husband and I took it in turns to be there with our son. It was hard but we got used to it, and it became a way of life for a short time. Is there perhaps a chance of your little boy being transferred to a local hospital once he's recovered a little? I do hope you can find a solution. Sending love & strength x

That's almost exactly what happened to my son except he had a bowel obstruction and we didn't find out it was cancer until a week later. He ended up spending 10 months in hospital. I hope your son is doing well now xx

Hope your DS is recovering well and glad the initial panic is over.

It seems like they guarantee both parents a place if DC is very unwell (eg in intensive care). I think that’s fair enough, but understand why it was a bit overwhelming to deal with in the moment.

There’s so much last minute accommodation available being in London, £99 is pretty good, but may be good to pre shop around and pre book when you know your dates, often discounts if in advance.

Our son was 10 when he went into GOSH for an additional periphic pulmonary stent that should have been a 3 day stay. Operation went poorly and left him on ECMO for a week and 6 weeks in hospital. We had accommodation for this event in London fortunately but prior visits we we provided with a Ronald McDonald room opposite the hospital as we were living in the Isle of Man earlier. I'm afraid accommodation is granted on a needs basis and 2.5hrs may not be considered a long enough journey time to get you those resources. Very sorry to hear of your plight and wish I could help but but wish a positive outcome for you all.

@Thistlewoman With my never ending pot of money?! Thankfully we have had the money to do this but how sustainable would that be in the long term? I haven’t asked for a hotel. Just a bed. And not to be chucked out at 10pm in London far from home. My partners support is invaluable to both me and my son whilst we are in hospital for an unexpected longer stay. There will be many people out there that wouldn’t be able to afford what we have done over the past few weeks. And what we will need to do again in the next few weeks