Partner has nowhere to stay whilst I stay in hospital with our son who is recovering from a operation

[oldmoutcider]

Son has had an operation and we were due to stay four nights. Operation didn’t go as planned so we now in for the foreseeable. We had a hotel booked for him to stay at for four nights at a cost to ourselves whilst I stayed at the hospital but we need to stay longer and only one can stay by the bedside.
Hospital are now saying they have no accommodation for him. We are 2.5 hours from home. Any idea what we are expected to do?

I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, just practical. I have 3, eldest has another op in November which will hopefully only be a night or two but I'm very aware how easily things suddenly turn into your situation.

Hmm, well, GOSH would not even let us take our son home by car, let alone train (we live in South London) and booked us patient transport back home. But his was a rather complicated scoliosis/kyphosis op, together with a spinal decompression, and I suppose they knew best in that situation 🤷‍♀️

OP, apologies for the derail. Hopefully they will be able to sort something out for you tomorrow, but if not, then as PPs have said, a hotel a bit further away might be your best bet if you wanted something cheaper. (DH would travel in from home each morning when our DS was in, and that took about 90mins each way). Please ignore the posters saying you don’t need both of you there. It is absolutely draining on the one staying in hospital, you are expected to do everything non-medical for your child while they are there, and it can be very difficult to even grab food or go to the toilet if it is only you, especially when your DS is so young. It sounds as though your other child is being very well looked after, but I do completely understand the mum-guilt at being away from them.

Very best of luck.

When my son was born, DH stayed iny room for 3 nights and then we both had hospital accomodation for 3 days (basic room with double bed) for the next 3 nights. NICU so no staying in ward. At the next hospital we had a small flat for a week which was on site (now demolished) and in the third hospital we had Ronald MacDonald Hotel for 10 weeks.
When he was admitted at 10 months we had a Ronald MacDonald room for 4 months although I slept on ward 5nights/ DH for 2 nights at that point.

It's obviously not a given but it isn't a ridiculous expectation either

It so hard when you little one is this ill. As others have said families of children in PICU and HDU are prioritised for accommodation and then it will be those who families who live further away. My son was PICU last year and we were given a room in the hospital and then were moved to Ronald McDonald house which was nearby. RM house made such a huge difference as my other children could visit. Hopefully tomorrow the accommodation team will be able to help. The thing with hospitals like GOSH and Evelina is that they take major cases from up and down the country so lots of families will be far from home and need somewhere to stay.

OP I think if you broaden your search to the outer zones of london, especially the less 'fashionable' ones, he could well find an air bnb (a 'proper' one where the owner is in the property and you're just really hiring a bedroom) for a lot less. Maybe even something like £30 a night.

That way he can get into central london for GOSH in between 30-45 mins every day (the usual London commute!)

Trying to think about the places I'd look - lots of outer South East London is a lot more connected than it used to be but still cheap, and the same is true of other places which don't have a tube line but are actually really well connected by Overground.

Very similar to our experience.

Our son ended up staying in hospital for 10 months.

During the first few nights, we had emergency accommodation which was literally a tiny room on a hospital corridor below intensive care (where he was at the time) next to a vending machine and some wards with two single beds and a shower.

After that, we were moved to a sick children's trust accommodation which I believe is similar to Ronald McDonald houses and stayed there for the 7 weeks he was in intensive care.

After that, I was able to stay with him on the ward but as we knew our son had cancer at that point, DH was able to stay in accommodation for parents of children with cancer which is funded by a local children's cancer charity.

In the whole 10 months, DH was never expected to pay for a hotel. Which I'm so grateful for because he would've just had to stay home as we wouldn't have been able to afford it.

I really hope they can sort you something for tomorrow. I wouldn’t want to be separated from my partner or child in the same circumstances. But given it’s hopefully not for much longer, if they can’t then it isn’t too long to either pay for or for your partner to wait at home with your other child. Fingers crossed for a quick recovery and an easy solution!

Near major regional (and national) treatment centres there are sometimes local residents who assists with accomodation, possibly via local church groups.

We stay at the patient hotel when we go to Gosh for my child's appointments/operations. Can you ask the ward to refer you to Weston House? It's free and funded by the gosh charity, for anyone who lives outside the m25. You have to ask your child's ward to refer you though. X

Just checked Airbnb and there are a bunch of central London rooms for under £60/night.

@SleepingStandingUpOutside looking in I would be practical. It is totally different when it is you dealing with it. I know you weren’t trying to make me feel guilty. I do that myself! X

Of course, sorry, I didn’t even consider that. I hope your son makes a good recovery and things settle down for you all x

@CamelcarpetYes we all stayed there the night before the operation. It is a patient hotel though not family accommodation. They can’t do anything for us tonight though as it is a Sunday and no one is dealing with it on a weekend x

I’m so sorry for you as we had a similar
situation at GOSH at the start of the year and it was very stressful. The accommodation at GOSH is for families with children in ICU and we were in HDU so no luck. Our stay was 12 weeks so we rented a flat an hours’ walk away for the first half of the stay and then a flat became available at the sick children’s trust (despite not being on a cancer ward). Have a chat to the ward manager tomorrow and they should be able to advise. Best of luck - Monday’s are always good days as all staff are in and you can get answers far quicker!

Wishing your son a speedy recovery.

@MyDeftDuckThank you. Just been chasing him round the ward so all things are good considering what he has been through x

Wishing your dc a speedy recovery.

Doesn’t GOSH have a section where you can stay now? My son was there, admittedly twenty plus years ago. I stated in the woman’s rooms and my dh in the men’s section. I shared a room with someone. I recall it was down a long corridor.

https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/patients-and-families/your-hospital-visit/hospital-admissions/staying-with-your-child-at-gosh/gosh-patient-hotel/

can you stay here?

Hiya, ah I didn't realise that they don't offer family accommodation at the patient hotel... I'm pretty sure I've spoken to family members whose children were inpatients in the kitchens before, but maybe I'd misinterpreted what they were saying. Could be worth an ask tomorrow when it opens again. I hope your son feels better soon.

On another note - is the Disney Reef ever open when you go? It never EVER is when we go and we are there for multiple days at a time. I've asked security to open it before, but they said they can't! It makes me mad!!!! We have been to gosh more times than I care to remember and it's only ever been open twice - one when DC was too tiny to remember and again when DC was having surgery.

Wrong thread?

Ronald McDonald house is what you need. Ask for a referral there.

@CamelcarpetI think it can be used as both patient and family but partner wasn’t offered anything as it is a Sunday.
I will have a look tomorrow. I can see it out the window near the main door to our ward but I don’t recall seeing anyone in it x

Ah bless you. Don't trouble yourselves. My DC just gets so excited to go in it and then it's never open!! Soon they'll be too old to want to go and see it. I just wondered if it was just coincidence that it was always shut when we go, or if they infact never usually open it nowadays!

It seems as though GOSH has 2 sick children's trusts accommodations too so if the patient hotel doesn't pan out, hopefully he can get a room there.