Partner has nowhere to stay whilst I stay in hospital with our son who is recovering from a operation

[oldmoutcider]

Son has had an operation and we were due to stay four nights. Operation didn’t go as planned so we now in for the foreseeable. We had a hotel booked for him to stay at for four nights at a cost to ourselves whilst I stayed at the hospital but we need to stay longer and only one can stay by the bedside.
Hospital are now saying they have no accommodation for him. We are 2.5 hours from home. Any idea what we are expected to do?

How did you all get to the hospital if the car is 5 hours away at home?

I’d send your husband home once your son is out of the woods, go home on the train and drive back in the car, after a day or two. He will have more options once he has the car with him.

You’ve said in different posts that you’re 2.5 hours, 4 hours and 5 hours away-which makes a difference. 2.5 hours is drivable whereas 4-5 is going to be tricky.

Children's hospitals such as GOSH have accommodation to keep families together even if one parent can stay with the child on the ward.

Sorry to hear your son isn't well. Accomodation around there is plentiful but obviously can be pricey. I think as others say it would be better to take turns and either commute or get cheapish hotel/air b&b.

I think she meant it’s a 5 hour round trip but could be wrong.

How far away are you actually? Timings all different. How long do they expect him to be in? The answers to these questions are relevant!

I assume she means 2.5 so there and back is 5

Sounds time to switch then. You go home or to the hotel, he stays with kid for a few days, then swap back again

if GOSH parent accommodation can’t give him a bed tonight Can you contact the Ronald McDonald houses today and see if they have space at one of the properties in London for a night or two so husband can get back home at a more reasonable time frame rather than trying to find something last minute?

I've been there OP and it's really hard. I've always had to do it on my own because I've got other dc that someone has to stay at home with but dh and i usually try and swap every couple of days. My dc are older now so it's a bit easier but even so, if they are well enough to sit in bed and watch tv while i nip out to get food then they are usually well enough to go home. If there is a parent on their own with a toddler in our bay i will always offer to get stuff from the shop for them etc or watch their child when they needed the loo. People used to do that for me when mine were little too.

I don't think some people realise that the nurses don't do supervision of children in hospital anymore, even briefly while the parent goes to the toilet. Which is fine but it does mean the parent needs to be able to go to the loo, get food, drink etc which sometimes means 2 parents are needed.

When my dd was in Gosh (23 years or so ago), only one parent could stay (and they turned the ward lights down low at 8pm so there was little to do). DH went home to be with our older child and took him out to a party (where our entire friendship group was - it was New Year's Eve). I was given a parents' room down in the basement but it had two single beds in it and I was told that at any point in the night, another parent could turn up to sleep in the other bed! DH phoned from the lovely party (😡) and I just sobbed down the phone at him!
The parents' lounge at the end of the ward was completely taken over by the very large extended family of another sick child on the ward so I couldn't get in there to use the microwave or kettle. I was starving so got no supper (had managed to get out to a local shop to buy a ready-meal but couldn't heat it up). Had a bag of crisps instead. Worst New Year I ever had, on every count, but DD did go on to make a pretty full recovery in the end.
OP, I feel your pain. Good luck with it all.

If your son is in his own room will they not let your husband sleep on the floor on a single air bed or camp bed? I know my bil did this when his partner had a baby.

I think this varies so much depending where you are and when you are asking. When DS was unwell as a baby in the first hospital we were in neither of us were allowed to stay, I had to shuttle back and forth every day. He was then transferred to another hospital and they gave DH and I a room on site despite us living locally and us saying we didn’t really need it! Depends what is available, who else needs it etc.

Hope your DS recovers soon!

I have only read OP, but would a Ronald McDonald house be a possibility?

I remember feeling so sorry for a little girl across the ward from us who clearly had been in there for a very long time (lots of long-term decorations/possessions around her area). No parent was with her at all and she'd have been around 7 or 8.
Then Mum turned up to visit - in tears of joy at seeing her dd again - turned out she was a single parent with no support but who had three other younger kids at home she had to be there for.
I learned not to judge that day!

The 5 hour would be a round trip. 2.5 hours from home so to get there and back is 5 hours

I have had to stay at GOSH with my son. DH came in when DS was having surgery but stayed at home and went to work the rest of the time. That is what most parents did. Some parents on our ward switched round and did shifts.

There are cheap capsule hotels in London. Have you considered those?

You get a hotel or go home. NHS cant afford to pay to put up both parents obv.

I would have done exactly what you have done, booked the hotel for an extra night.
You can speak to the hospital accommodation tomorrow.

I assumed you had been tag teaming? What is he doing there then if you're not swapping over every few days? I get that he is visiting but if you're knackered, he needs to stay in the ward and then you go home for a bit/stay in the hotel or pod etc

My thoughts too , next thing you know you will have grans , grandpas and 6 children staying, but I’m sure there are charities that have rooms but very few and far between

I'm sorry to hear this.

The hospital's priority must be accommodating children, not their families. Especially in central London. What do you expect them to do where they do not have the space?

The stay is longer than expected, so you could take it in turns - you stay with him one night, his father the next, while the other stays at the hotel you booked or a cheaper option / b&b.

Exactly, her timings are all over the show, although, I get she has bigger things on her mind.

If they are 2.5hrs away, that's a commutable distance, many people commute that who work in London (my DH included).

But saying this as a mother who has had both of her babies admitted into paediatrics for week long stays each (I get your stay is much longer), my DH never stayed over. He continued to work as usual, and we spoke/text via phone to keep him up to date. I do understand your child is going through a difficult time, but it would be unusual to have both parents there all of the time.

If your DP isn't working, then he can commute in in the morning, and commute back home in the evenings if he needs to spend the days there with you both.

Hopefully, you can get something sorted with the hospital from tomorrow, but if they cannot help, then realistically, you either need to pay for accommodation, or swap every few days with each other, or your DP commutes.