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Original poster

Impact of death on daughter constipated sick and accidents

386 replies

WinterRach · 14/09/2025 21:39

Long story short my father in law died last weekend in an accident. DD and him were best of buddies doing everything together so she’s devastated we all are. Since Wednesday she’s been feeling sick not had a poo since Tuesday. I thought perhaps stress might slow her poo down she is eating less. Being sick and wetting at night which again putting down to stress. She has been sick tonight with the pain

My neighbours daughter is a pharmacist she told us to try dulcolax suppositories which I gave her around 6. She’s managed to poo about 10 hard rocks of poo some in the loo some not I’ve had her in the bath to try and help go she’s been on in and out of the bath on the floor and back on the loo. Im pretty sure its just her constipated but I guess you never know what grief can do to them.

Her hands and feet are ice cold too. Ive popped winter fluffy pjs and fluffy socks on now popped towels on the bathroom floor and giver her a hot water bop for her belly.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 15:38

I assume that posters asking why the OP's daughter was scoped have looked for more info by reading the OP's posts but in case they haven't ,HTH
h · 15/09/2025 13:03
She is doing ok she is really constipaed they have said her belly is really backed up and has a urine infection so she is on iv antibiotics for that. They have give her an enema but it didnt really work they are giving her a drink like 2l to flush her systhem out and then tomorrrow they will put a camra up her bum and down her mouth to see. After all the medication they gave she is stitll being sick and its pure yellow now.

Nousernamesleftatall · 17/09/2025 15:38

I am so sorry for you. That is awful. Is there anyone you can contact for a second opinion? I will say a prayer for your daughter.

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 15:50

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 17/09/2025 15:07

They've already made a mistake by causing a tear in her esophagus which is incredibly serious.

Persistent vomiting by itself can cause such a tear, actually.

Mallory-Weiss Tear
Cause: This is a tear in the inner lining of the lower esophagus, most commonly caused by prolonged or forceful vomiting or coughing

From what OP said, it was the procedure that caused it unless I read incorrectly which is definitely possible.

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 15:55

HurtyFeels · 17/09/2025 15:34

I'm another person who's been reading and getting increasingly concerned about how long the doctors seem to be leaving this girl so ill for so long (aside from perforating her oesophagus).

Have you been told what is causing her bowel obstruction? Is it a blockage of poo or it is it a blockage of the actual bowel (eg a loop of bowel)? Is she pooing at all?

The reason I am asking this is that what guidance there is suggests that a bowel obstruction should be conservatively managed for up to 3 days (which means wait to see if it resolves naturally, give fluids etc in the mean time) but if it has not improved in that time then it needs to be operated on.

They seem to be concentrating on the oesophagus now (which they stapled closed?) but a perforated bowel is also potentially life threatening.

All the other symptoms can be caused by an obstruction but don't seem to be being managed well. The ongoing vomiting can be because the digestive system stops moving which can be prevented with an NG tube to release bile from the stomach and the urinary retention can be from the bowel obstruction blocking the urethra which can be relieved with a catheter. But it won't resolve until whatever is going on with her bowel is sorted out.

Edited

Exactly.

Keep in mind that the first hospital with my son did a lot wrong but even they inserted a NG tube when the vomiting continued and was yellow.

FcukBreastCancer · 17/09/2025 16:02

Also hope she's being moved

Original poster
WinterRach · 17/09/2025 16:03

We have asked to be moved hospital we can’t deal with this anymore. 2 hours she was on the floor in agony trying to pee in the worst pain ever she. The nurse called the doctors who said they’d come in 10 mins 2 hours later they came after multiple phone calls and told the nurse not to use the cathater that it was anxiety. She has been forcing herself to wee she had a poo but no wee. They finally put in a cathater after there was 550 ml in her bladder emptied right away. They’ve taken it back out now and she’s still struggling to wee. The cathater didn’t hurt in the slightest because she was in agony with her bladder and they would only give her paracetamol. We have demanded urology come to see her and find out why this happened. The nurse did say it was constipation pushing on the bladder. We are physically and emotionally exhausted

OP posts:
FcukBreastCancer · 17/09/2025 16:07

Thanks for updating. I hope you can move in the right direction soon op.
Mumsnet is behind you. Well done for advocating for your daughter.

Try PALS if it exists where you are (and Martha's law)

Silvers11 · 17/09/2025 16:11

@WinterRach Been thinking of you all day. I hope they move quickly to get her to another hospital and the treatment is better. Can't understand the lack of any urgency at the current hospital

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 16:12

WinterRach · 17/09/2025 16:03

We have asked to be moved hospital we can’t deal with this anymore. 2 hours she was on the floor in agony trying to pee in the worst pain ever she. The nurse called the doctors who said they’d come in 10 mins 2 hours later they came after multiple phone calls and told the nurse not to use the cathater that it was anxiety. She has been forcing herself to wee she had a poo but no wee. They finally put in a cathater after there was 550 ml in her bladder emptied right away. They’ve taken it back out now and she’s still struggling to wee. The cathater didn’t hurt in the slightest because she was in agony with her bladder and they would only give her paracetamol. We have demanded urology come to see her and find out why this happened. The nurse did say it was constipation pushing on the bladder. We are physically and emotionally exhausted

Keep complaining
Keep making a fuss
Ask who else you can talk to
Ask to speak to the nurse in charge/lead nurse/matron/whoever is in charge of the ward
Ask if there is a family support worker available

The fact they put the catheter in and out again when she's struggling so much and they could've just left it in is bizarre. Not to mention the lack of NG tube with all the yellow vomiting.

Silvers11 · 17/09/2025 16:13

And I should have said, please demand to see someone very senior, ask who you complain to and generally keep making a big fuss until something is done.

justasking111 · 17/09/2025 16:13

WinterRach · 17/09/2025 16:03

We have asked to be moved hospital we can’t deal with this anymore. 2 hours she was on the floor in agony trying to pee in the worst pain ever she. The nurse called the doctors who said they’d come in 10 mins 2 hours later they came after multiple phone calls and told the nurse not to use the cathater that it was anxiety. She has been forcing herself to wee she had a poo but no wee. They finally put in a cathater after there was 550 ml in her bladder emptied right away. They’ve taken it back out now and she’s still struggling to wee. The cathater didn’t hurt in the slightest because she was in agony with her bladder and they would only give her paracetamol. We have demanded urology come to see her and find out why this happened. The nurse did say it was constipation pushing on the bladder. We are physically and emotionally exhausted

Frankly it's sadistic. A catheter made my husband's issue so much better. He was writhing in agony in A&E. They gave him morphine which didn't touch the pain. When they took him up to the ward and put the catheter in blood clots and urine gushed out. He'd had prostate surgery, been discharged was back at home when it started.

I threw him in my car was doing 90 mph on the dual carriageway I'll admit because he was in such a state.

The county hospital are out of their depth and should fold and hand her on.

Theredjellybean · 17/09/2025 16:19

I haven't read all thread but have you heard of Martha's rule ? .
Please please look it up and call the number.
It means the hospital has to get a second opinion/ ITU outreach team to see your daughter.
Do it now.
I am a doctor btw...and don't usually encourage patients or families not to trust in the local hospital...

gmgnts · 17/09/2025 16:22

I'm so sorry Flowers

justasking111 · 17/09/2025 16:23

Theredjellybean · 17/09/2025 16:19

I haven't read all thread but have you heard of Martha's rule ? .
Please please look it up and call the number.
It means the hospital has to get a second opinion/ ITU outreach team to see your daughter.
Do it now.
I am a doctor btw...and don't usually encourage patients or families not to trust in the local hospital...

Martha's rule has not been adopted in southern Ireland but is under discussion.

bendmeoverbackwards · 17/09/2025 16:23

Oh OP, I feel for you so much. I don’t have any medical knowledge but just hope MN can offer support and a hand hold ❤️

limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 16:43

The nurse did say it was constipation pushing on the bladder
If the nurse thinks that (and it sounds likely) what was the point of delaying catheter ?
?I guess perhaps they thought if the bowels moved ,which it sounds as though they did ,the pressure might be relieved and no need for catheter .Would catheter run risk of infection ?More infection ,as I understand she's being treated for urinary infection ?
Also I guess opioid painkillers which slow bowel movements down won't be a good idea .
I think IV paracetamol is v effective for pain relief .

justasking111 · 17/09/2025 16:54

limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 16:43

The nurse did say it was constipation pushing on the bladder
If the nurse thinks that (and it sounds likely) what was the point of delaying catheter ?
?I guess perhaps they thought if the bowels moved ,which it sounds as though they did ,the pressure might be relieved and no need for catheter .Would catheter run risk of infection ?More infection ,as I understand she's being treated for urinary infection ?
Also I guess opioid painkillers which slow bowel movements down won't be a good idea .
I think IV paracetamol is v effective for pain relief .

I'd agree except we're on day 9. This started
last Tuesday.

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 17:08

limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 16:43

The nurse did say it was constipation pushing on the bladder
If the nurse thinks that (and it sounds likely) what was the point of delaying catheter ?
?I guess perhaps they thought if the bowels moved ,which it sounds as though they did ,the pressure might be relieved and no need for catheter .Would catheter run risk of infection ?More infection ,as I understand she's being treated for urinary infection ?
Also I guess opioid painkillers which slow bowel movements down won't be a good idea .
I think IV paracetamol is v effective for pain relief .

Sometimes it isn't enough, especially if the child is still writhing around in pain.

Opioids were the only thing that touched the sides for my sons pain when he went through something similar and it was given despite the fact that it can slow down bowl movements because it was beneficial to control his pain. My son had a complete bowel blockage and wasn't pooing at all, OP's daughter does seem to have bits coming out. If she's still in so much pain, she needs better pain relief.

MrsAvocet · 17/09/2025 17:18

I would also encourage you to push for a transfer to a specialist hospital. One of my DS's has quite a rare condition and he has had lots of endoscopies but only ever done by a paediatric gastroenterologist in a specialist hospital. Children aren't just small adults and they need to be looked after by people are doing it all the time.
The paediatric staff at our local hospital are lovely, dedicated people and they are good at what their "bread and butter" work is, but they don’t see children with unusual conditions very often so it's impossible for them to have the same level of expertise in those things as staff who deal with them more frequently. The procedure when my DS was sick was for him to be stabilised at the local hospital and then transferred 100 miles to the specialist centre. It sounds to me that that's what needs to happen to your DD too. If she picks up, they can always send her back, no harm done (that happened to us more than once) but it is better to be safe.
She's been ill for quite a long time now, there doesn't seem to be a definite diagnosis, she's not getting better and she's suffered a serious complication from the endoscopy which at the very least needs extremely careful observation, possibly more intervention. I think you're well within your rights to ask for her to be transferred as soon as possible.

limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 17:25

@Kirbert2 I was sort of thinking outloud .I agree with what you say about giving opiods ,poor mite should no way be left in agony .

I would also encourage you to push for a transfer to a specialist hospital. One of my DS's has quite a rare condition and he has had lots of endoscopies but only ever done by a paediatric gastroenterologist in a specialist hospital. Children aren't just small adults and they need to be looked after by people are doing it all the time
This is such a good point @MrsAvocet

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 17:39

limetrees32 · 17/09/2025 17:25

@Kirbert2 I was sort of thinking outloud .I agree with what you say about giving opiods ,poor mite should no way be left in agony .

I would also encourage you to push for a transfer to a specialist hospital. One of my DS's has quite a rare condition and he has had lots of endoscopies but only ever done by a paediatric gastroenterologist in a specialist hospital. Children aren't just small adults and they need to be looked after by people are doing it all the time
This is such a good point @MrsAvocet

I agree with pp too. When my son was transferred, it was to a children's hospital and the difference was night and day.

NimbleDreamer · 17/09/2025 17:46

Martha's Rule does not apply in the Republic of Ireland. Ireland is a separate country to the UK, excluding Northern Ireland of course, so telling the OP over and over to invoke Martha's Rule is unhelpful, as is calling it "Southern Ireland" which is not a real place.

Sadly the health service in ROI is not up to scratch compared to the UK when it comes to children's care.

I'm not sure whereabouts in Ireland you are OP but can your daughter be transferred to CHI at Crumlin?

NimbleDreamer · 17/09/2025 17:51

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 17:39

I agree with pp too. When my son was transferred, it was to a children's hospital and the difference was night and day.

Show quote history

Unfortunately the only specialist children's hospitals that exist in Ireland are in Dublin, so depending on where in the country the OP is based then it might not be easy for her to be transferred.

Kirbert2 · 17/09/2025 18:03

NimbleDreamer · 17/09/2025 17:51

Unfortunately the only specialist children's hospitals that exist in Ireland are in Dublin, so depending on where in the country the OP is based then it might not be easy for her to be transferred.

Show quote history

Ah, I see. Yeah, I can see how that might take longer if OP lives nowhere Dublin and it's the plan to move her there. My son was in one hospital and was transferred to a children's hospital by a specialist children's transport team from a 3rd hospital because the helicopter wasn't available at the time so I understand how complicated it can be.

Hopefully something can be sorted soon because her poor daughter can't go on like this.

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