Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

the point is to display an absolute lack of common sense or not being truthful about their own judgement.

Sure, let’s move a massively infectious teenager around into her newborns siblings home.

Pointless response. The stepdaughter has two homes, so she stays put instead of spreading her germs.

Agree with this totally.

Other solution is for baby and mum to go and stay elsewhere

So if she’s keeping out of the way what is the point of her visiting at all ?

the dd isn’t “visiting” as a guest, she is there in her other home with her other parent. It’s not a guest situation

i cant imagine the 15 year old would be bothered about not going

YANBU- my rule with my kids were if they were ill they stayed at home and didn’t visit their dad (which he was fine with). He annoyingly didn’t return the favour- they arrived for a visit weekend to find their little half sister had a sickness bug- they caught it one after the other and then I did, resulting in them both needing several days off school and me missing work for almost a week while I looked after my own sick kids then was ill myself. I’m self employed, so no work/no pay. Selfish, selfish man- his right to see his kids meant that we all suffered, both by being ill and financially.

If that’s the case you are letting emotions get in the way of common sense and safety. The disregard for a vulnerable little newborn on this thread is absolutely appalling

Good idea but the child has a sickness bug. My kids have just got over a sickness bug and I can assure you they wouldn’t have wanted to go on an adventure, they wanted to lie on the couch and doze while being fed sips of water and cuddled by their parents in between vomiting into a basin.

really OP your husband should have stepped up here. If you had an older child that lived with you and was sick you would have to just get on with it like everyone else with multiple kids. From your stepdaughters POV yous have this new baby and she’s already being pushed out. If she’s only there for a weekend you could have stayed in your bedroom as much as possible, went for walks, visited friends and relatives to get out the house as munch as possible. Get DH to give everything a good wash down after she leaves.

Pointless answer 😂 you mean you disagree but feel your opinion is superior

What is it that posters don't understand about infection control and just how vulnerable a 7 week old baby is?

OP I totally sympathise. I have a little baby too. When I came down with an illness post partum I quarantined myself and my baby in a bedroom for a week to avoid my toddler & husband getting it. Why don’t you do the same? hopefully your DH can avoid catching your SD’s illness if he keeps away from her.
How ill is she?

It is perfectly fine to not want a sickness bug coming into the home. Given that the sd has another home, it is also perfectly fine that she stays there until it passes. However, this scenario is dependant on the maturity of the adults and the good communication between them.

Op's opening paragraph mentions the maintenance her partner pays, and then goes on to say that the mother has demanded 20 pounds to cover cost of meals for the 15 year old.

I feel sorry for the 15 year old girl in this. How much she costs seems to be very much on the minds of the OP and the mother.

Yes, because I understand about infection control.

OP isn’t suggesting they send her away. It’s not the same situation - there is a perfectly logical choice to be made to avoid exposing everyone else to the bug. And DD is fifteen. Old enough to recognise the stupidity of insisting she get out of a sick bed and go to her dad’s, potentially passing on the virus to everyone else. The fact that she is a SC is irrelevant and has no bearing on sensible infection control.

She should be a member of the family like any other when she is with you. If you had two children, would you send the older one away if she got sick? No? Then the same applies to SD.

Common sense should prevail. D&V can be really serious in a newborn!
With my SC we had an agreement with their mum that wherever SC fell ill that is where they would stay until they were no longer contagious/ felt better (minor illnesses excluded).
Its madness to spread illness about for the sake of the schedule, and if the child is poorly they don’t want to be carted around from house to house

No. It’s less to do with an opinion and more to do with infection control trumping family dynamics.

YABU if the child lived with you then you would be saying don't pick up baby etc with a bug that would have been sensible thing to do. This child will be going through a big adjustment and will now feel even more pushed out.
Oh and if you ever end up a single parent wonder if you will still think £300 a month is plenty to house, feed, dress and entertain a child....

Sigh.
She has a second home she can stay in in order to prevent the spread of infection.

What is so difficult to understand?

If my older child was away with my dh and got sick and there was somewhere else they could stay I would prefer that they stayed out of the house until better if I had a newborn. It’s common sense. Nobody is suggesting the step daughter isn’t family , yet so many people seem to be making this point.

Just to add, I think the mum was reasonable to expect your DH to be the one to tell her she can’t come (if she really can’t come) and to ask for more money. What I don’t understand is why she didn’t simply tell your DH “no” - that makes me think that he didnt simply her if SD could stay with her mum, but rather just said “she’s not allowed over”. it is very entitled to just assume his ex should provide unpaid childcare for him on his contact time.

I wonder if your opinion of your DH will change as you realise how intense parenting is. £300 and seeing the SD EOW is not an example of a particularly involved dad.

Disagree, this is about maintaining the relationship with dad. Quite possible for dad to spend most of the day out with his daughter, otherwise the message firmly given is that you are not as important as the new child and you will never be prioritised. That is a really bad message to send to a 15 year old.

Don't you think that common sense should prevail?

Not rtft but if she's got a stomach bug but still coming to stay with you then surely it can't be that bad? If it's mild then it'll be easier to stop it spreading

If she was really poorly then she wouldn't really be able to travel between homes without needed a toilet visit and laid up in bed.

A 15 year old is 3 years away from being an adult. Most 15 year olds would understand the rationale not to spread illness to vulnerable people, unlike a lot of people on this thread it seems.