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Daughter embarrassing isssue

67 replies

Bethany34w · 02/09/2024 17:08

I have a 13 year old I'm getting a little concerned, never had any issues arise like this before, she us currently unwell has a slight fever for a few days but what's concerning me she has diahrea but she's not making it to the toilet in time, maybe I'm being completely wrong but she just seems a little old for this to be a recurring issue, I am struggling to hide my frustration a little as I know she isn't well but she just expects me to clean her up, I feel like she needs to use her initiative and come up with a solution rather than keep pooing herself then just expecting me to deal with it. Also she's not giving much info other than " I just don't feel good"

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
marmiteoneverything · 02/09/2024 19:26

MushMonster · 02/09/2024 17:56

You say she had a fever for a few days. Did you take her to the doctor for that? Now diahrrea. She, in the best case, has an stomach bug like intestinal flu or covid. But she could have something else. I would expect her to clean herself and live in the toilet indeed, but if she is not doing so, this could be a clear sign of the degree of weakness this is inflicting on her. Just take her to the doctor asap.

Would you take an otherwise healthy teenager to the doctors because they’ve had a temperature for a couple of days?

OP, sorry to be blunt, but is she literally soiling herself with no warning or is she a) suddenly needing the loo and not making it in time or b) thinking she needs to break wind and then soiling herself? The first is worrying, but the latter two are probably not that unusual if you have a stomach bug? It is odd that she is expecting you to clean her up though. There is no way I would have accepted help with personal care as a teen unless I was very, very ill.

Dartwarbler · 02/09/2024 19:27

I have a condition that results in frequent bouts of diarrhoea and vomiting . Often simultaneously.

it can be at times a disaster in not making it to the loo on time- embarrassing mostly when I’m out and about and trying to get on with life and not be tied by a toilet leash to the house.

best thing I’ve found is large sanitary or incontinence pads and nappy sacks. I have them in my bags now. And a change of undies.

go get her some large incontinence pads, and nappy sacks. And maybe even some incontinence bed pads if she’s messing the bed or chairs. Or at least a good layer of old towels under her, and pads, lots of pads aimed more up the back of per pants

in The bathroom put and keep refilled a squeeze nozzle bottle of some sort of warm water which she can squirt her bum with to help clean up like a bidet, and then remove pad and sack and bin.

people saying to clean up in shower 🤢. She needs to clean mostly while on loo so that goes directly into larger diameter waste pipe. Fgs the shower outlet could block up 🤢 only hop into shower once appearing clean. But frankly if it’s frequent having a after every bout is not possible and exhausting.

I often feel completely exhausted after a bout of diarrhoea, hot and cold and shivery. I just want to crawl back into bed agian., and shut my eyes waiting for the next onslaught.

but there’s only me so I have to clean up loo and basin etc - even when ill still. That can be painful and exhausting. I can imagine a 13 year old wants mum to do that and that’s acceptable imho.

i think at 13 she may still be struggling to get to grips with realising when watery diarrhoea is coming- you really don’t get any warning at all once at that stage …so do cut some slack around accidents and prepare as above. Try to get her to realise that an increasing frequency of cramping sensations are likely to be a warning sign she needs to get to the loo urgently.

yes, she does need to clean herself, but I’d expect mum to oversee thst and offer advice and direction to help her. It is maybe first time she’s aware she’s having diarrhea and she needs some guidance and support. Encourage her, reward the right action, but please don’t resent the misses or her “helplessness”. Be upbeat, matter of fact, dont express disgust, just take it as an education opportunity for her in future.

as other people say, it may be Covid as this years bug seems to affect a lot of people with tummy upsets. might be worth a test ?

also do watch what she is eating- even if only for her to be aware if she eats anything solid it’ll result in more diarrhoea within an hour or so. Her tummy needs to rest right now.

Ramblomatic · 02/09/2024 19:30

A kebab 😭 Always a sensible meal for someone recovering from the shits 😅

Choochoo21 · 02/09/2024 19:30

Georgyporky · 02/09/2024 19:23

Stop cleaning her up, she's old enough to do it herself.
It might lead to a miraculous cure.

She has a stomach bug.

The only cure is time.

niadainud · 02/09/2024 19:45

It's DIARRHOEA, folks...

jannier · 02/09/2024 19:45

Bethany34w · 02/09/2024 18:48

I'm not begrudging her care of course not. Please allow me to be clear I have not been horrible to her or made her feel bad of course not I just questioned within myself whether at 13 It was normal to be taking care of her like she was baby/toddler, when she's soon to become a young adult. Perhaps I am wrong I never claimed I wasn't that's why i asked the question? I seem to recieve very mixed responses some agreeing with me some disagreeing with me. So I guess it's just whatever she wants/is more comfortable with.

Unfortunately she refused dried toast said no way I'm eating dry toast. Thankfully she is feeling a bit better however now she is saying she is starving and going to order a kebab I advised not the best idea but she is insisting it's very clean and healthy and good protein and salad.

Then who's paying for it....if you end of toast if her clean your own shit up kid you can't have salad and spice or the oiled chicken....who's the parent

niadainud · 02/09/2024 19:47

jannier · 02/09/2024 19:45

Then who's paying for it....if you end of toast if her clean your own shit up kid you can't have salad and spice or the oiled chicken....who's the parent

If you end of toast if her clean your own shit up kid??

Tumblingjungleofchaos · 02/09/2024 20:38

Sparklesandbeer · 02/09/2024 19:08

Howling at the pretend stupidity about what to eat when having diarrhoea.

I thought school hols finished

Quite.

Mum of a 13 year old doesn't know the basics of caring for a child with diarrhoea (or how to spell it).

And I'm Evita.

jannier · 02/09/2024 21:02

niadainud · 02/09/2024 19:47

If you end of toast if her clean your own shit up kid??

Put your own punctuation in doh

niadainud · 02/09/2024 21:09

jannier · 02/09/2024 21:02

Put your own punctuation in doh

I wouldn't know where to start.

Bethany34w · 02/09/2024 21:33

YourWildAmberSloth she has uber eats on her phone

OP posts:
ComeTheFckOnBridget · 02/09/2024 21:59

Follow NHS advice for sickness & diarrhoea, unfortunately it's not unusual for severe diarrhoea to cause temporary incontinence.

Rehydration salts from Boots, or Diarolyte, will help her feel much better. Plus immodium - it will slow the bowel down which will help give it a chance to absorb water, therefore reducing diarrhoea & probably help with accidents too.

Toast with butter is fine, just don't go nuts with the butter. You're looking for simple, unfatty, plain foods that are unlikely to reach badly with her tummy. Ready salted crisps might go down well, digestive biscuits. If she wants meat then plain chicken is fine. Let her salt her food. Pasta, rice and potato are fine, just keep them plain. Egg is very binding so egg on toast is a good bet.

Sips of water or squash if she prefers to keep her hydrated without feeling sick. Avoid caffeine & fizzy drinks (contrary to popular belief, carbonated drinks won't help diarrhoea & can make it worse).

Bethany34w · 02/09/2024 22:03

Caffeine not good? She drinks tea only 1 or 2 a day. That's a healthy amount of caffeine for a teen right?

OP posts:
MushMonster · 03/09/2024 06:53

@marmiteoneverything well yes. A fever is a sign that something is wrong. Fever is a response to infection. There are no benign reasons for someone having a fever. The doctor may not be able to find what is wrong on the first visit, I see that. But they also know which type of spots, rashes and other signs to look for, for major infections. For example measles shows white-grey spots in the inside of the cheeks. Now, even being able to read that, I would not be able to identify them myself. Though, maybe the pharmacist can do it?

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 03/09/2024 08:59

Bethany34w · 02/09/2024 22:03

Caffeine not good? She drinks tea only 1 or 2 a day. That's a healthy amount of caffeine for a teen right?

No caffeine just while she has an upset stomach. It's fine normally but caffeine contributes to the mechanism which caused diarrhoea so it should be avoided while her stomach is so upset.

Google isotonic, hypertonic & hypotonic drinks and you'll see what I mean. She needs to stick to isotonic drinks at the moment.

(Sports drinks aren't true isotonic drinks eve though they're marketed as such, diarolyte and the drink made from boots rehydration salts are)

KreedKafer · 03/09/2024 11:06

now she is saying she is starving and going to order a kebab

You've jumped the shark with this one.

LatteLady · 03/09/2024 11:19

OP, you asked earlier if a croissant was bread, well no, it isn't, it's a pastry because it contains fat, bread does not. Post sickness, you really do need to keep it blanc for a couple of days, so that your system gets a chance to clear everything out, then you can reintroduce food stuffs.

As to wanting help and your mum, when you are sick, well I am 66 and there have been times recently when I would have given anything to have had my mum there to clean up after me. And yes, there are still times even now when I have a bad dose of Ds&Vs that I might not make it in time... it 's physiological and you don't always know quite what is going to happen and when.

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