DD school doesn’t allow packed lunch and she’s losing so much weight

[mamatothreebunnies]

My 9yo DD goes to a school where packed lunch isn’t allowed. It’s just an outright no and non negotiable. However, she’s extremely selective with food, (hate using the word fussy, but FUSSY!) and therefore loses a ton of weight during term time. I’ve spoken to school multiple times and their only help is to offer her plain pasta (she asked for this since she won’t eat anything else on school menu). But that means most days she’s eating a small hit of plain pasta from breakfast until 4pm. She comes out looking yellow and pale and I have to take her a full on packed lunch meal to eat on the very short drive home as shes starving. Over the summer break she’s looking healthy and has gained 3kg by eating healthy foods I know she likes.

the problem is she only likes food the way I make it (I’m honoured but it’s quite problematic). So she wouldn’t eat the school burger, or their bolognese, or their lasagne or whatever else. But would if I make it.

what would you do? I want to get her seen by a doctor who would maybe support us by something officially written to say if she could be allowed packed lunch. Obviously I wouldn’t send in nuts and if it’s a case of allergies they worried about I’m happy to go and sit in the car park every lunch time whilst she eats her lunch in the car and goes back into school.

im really worried for her and I just have let this go on for too long and don’t want her going through another academic year of poor eating during the day.

This sounds similar to a friend's child who ended up quite poorly because they're essential vitamin levels dropped really low due to not eating properly at school. At the end of the day a private school is a business so you can challenge them a bit more and they also have a duty of care! I also agree with other posters that your DD may have a ARFID - forget your GP and go straight to a pediatric dietitian.

Yes, if she is really losing this much weight because of school dinners I would see a GP. My children never ate much at school even when they did have a packed lunch and their weight never changed. I made sure they had breakfast and a decent evening meal, also I took a snack to meet them from school with. You need to try to make up the missing calories elsewhere if she won't eat at school?

Yes after school snacks can go a long way to redressing the lack of a lunch.

Edited to add if she’s having pasta at lunch you don’t need to supplement the carbs/bulk, just some nutrient and protein dense foods like cold chicken or cold beef, or cheese and veg sticks, yoghurt and fresh fruit or veg sticks and houmous etc.

Or in Scotland lunch is free for pre school and all primary years

It’s free in wales for all primary years too but you’re allowed to take packed lunch in if you don’t want the free meals

Oh yes that’s true, I’ve not heard of anyone being allowed to.
in fact everyone I know with primary school kids lets them look at the weekly or monthly food menus and choose which days they eat school dinners and which days they bring packed lunch so they can let the school know ahead

Yeah we do the same too. I wonder if it’s a private school maybe and that’s why it’s so strict

I would change school. Why should your daughter’s education and health be impacted by such inflexibility.

Send her with a protein and oat bar to eat in secret and maybe another of the type that is 50/50 dates and nuts. Easily concealed up a jumper sleeve and scoffed in the locker room or behind a tree! Give her a cooked breakfast in the mornings eggs, baked beans; toast; or even if it’s the lasagna or the burger or whatever you think she should be eating at lunch; and then a proper dinner. She’ll be fine. Same number of calories differently arranged.

It may not be a state school. Private schools can and often do insist on a school provided hot lunch.

For goodness sake what’s implied by this person is “are there other children in this family who don’t have eating issues” ie the (fairly rude) suggestion that OP’s parenting is to blame. It’s not that being an only child causes eating problems, which hopefully we can all agree is daft 🤦‍♀️

Look up ARFID, see what the GP says. And then speak to the school about accommodations due to her potential eating disorder (as opposed to just being a fussy eater).
She could be allowed a snack at break time which she likes which doesn't challenge the lunch procedure. Also, ask to speak to the catering manager as they will probably be supportive and make special food if they know the issue.