DD school doesn’t allow packed lunch and she’s losing so much weight

[mamatothreebunnies]

My 9yo DD goes to a school where packed lunch isn’t allowed. It’s just an outright no and non negotiable. However, she’s extremely selective with food, (hate using the word fussy, but FUSSY!) and therefore loses a ton of weight during term time. I’ve spoken to school multiple times and their only help is to offer her plain pasta (she asked for this since she won’t eat anything else on school menu). But that means most days she’s eating a small hit of plain pasta from breakfast until 4pm. She comes out looking yellow and pale and I have to take her a full on packed lunch meal to eat on the very short drive home as shes starving. Over the summer break she’s looking healthy and has gained 3kg by eating healthy foods I know she likes.

the problem is she only likes food the way I make it (I’m honoured but it’s quite problematic). So she wouldn’t eat the school burger, or their bolognese, or their lasagne or whatever else. But would if I make it.

what would you do? I want to get her seen by a doctor who would maybe support us by something officially written to say if she could be allowed packed lunch. Obviously I wouldn’t send in nuts and if it’s a case of allergies they worried about I’m happy to go and sit in the car park every lunch time whilst she eats her lunch in the car and goes back into school.

im really worried for her and I just have let this go on for too long and don’t want her going through another academic year of poor eating during the day.

Have you taken her to see a doctor about her fussiness and decreased weight? If she's incredibly fussy then focusing on the packed lunch is like sticking a plaster on a broken bone, it won't fix the real issue.

Is there nothing else at all the school provides that she will eat? Even a banana or yoghurt or similar?

can you send her with a substantial homemade snack for breaktime?

Take her to see the GP and ask to speak to the school nurse (all state schools have one). Have you kept track of her weight? How much is she losing?

If she's losing a ton of weight, I doubt it's due to the 5 lunches per week she has at school.

Also, she shouldn't be looking yellow no matter how hungry she gets between breakfast and home time.

I think a trip to the doctor is a very good idea.

Trust me OP, it is negotiable. Your child’s health is suffering and therefore a reasonable accommodation is necessary. Get a doctor’s letter and send her in with a packed lunch.

Do you know why she likes your lasagne etc but not theirs? Is their food horrible in some way, very bland, or has she got some anxiety about the preparation? That could be worth exploring because could lead to future difficulties like ARFID. Have you tasted the food?
I find it more common that friends are miffed because their child has always refused to eat eg spaghetti bolognaise but comes home raving about some they’ve had at school or a friend’s house.

She sounds a bit like me. Do some research on ARFID. If she can get a proper diagnosis, it could open for her to allow a pack up

The school are being absolutely ridiculous, but if she's having a decent breakfast, a nutritious break time snack, a plate of pasta at lunch, and a full packed lunch straight after school she shouldn't be so ill just from that.

I think it is lovely that she will eat the food you cook BUT by allowing her to refuse other offerings at school you are not helping the situation. If she is getting a decent breakfast and a snack at break(even a piece of fruit), then with pasta at lunch she should not be so hungry that she needs to eat on way home. I would be insisting she waits until you get home. I really do not think the school meal is really the issue here and I suspect you know that really. Get her to a doctor and get her entire diet sorted out.

Is this in the UK? England? It's not legal to force someone to pay for school lunches. Free lunches are only provided up until Year 2. How are they making you pay?

The school are bang out of order and the anxiety and pressure that your DD must be feeling is unreal. Get to GP, who should have some common sense, and get a letter. I feel angry on your DDs behalf and the schools behaviour is just wrong to the point it is institutional bullying. Stand up for her.

Is it a school paranoia re allergies so no outside food?

Is she an only child ? I think you could be the problem here.

It might be a private school

It’s worth having conversation with her teacher or the head. Definitely take her to the Gp and ask to be referred to a dietitian.

Dd is ASD and has had issues with food. Whilst school refused her bringing a packed lunch “because otherwise everyone would want one”. They allowed her to have a stash of snacky things in the staff room fridge. On days she couldn’t eat what was offered, she’d be excused so that she could have a cream cheese bagel and smoothie or whatever. All they cared about is that she ate something.

I think it is lovely that she will eat the food you cook BUT by allowing her to refuse other offerings at school you are not helping the situation.

Some kids would rather starve themselves than eat food cooked at school or elsewhere. I have two such dc, no amount of pressure or forcing them fixed it!

What a dreadful school rule. But truthfully, although plain pasta is very poor nutritionally, she shouldn't be losing weight or becoming malnourished if the rest of her diet is OK.

If she has really gained 3kg in 3 weeks I would be worried though. Could she be constipated now?

Trip to the GP should be a priority asap.

School should be make reasonable adjustments for your child according to what the doctor advises on. Our school does.

What kind of school is this to refuse packed lunches? I would contest this rule

I find it odd you’d take her to see a doctor to get a note for it but not to try and address the root cause of the problem ie why is she not eating the school food. I was a fussy child but I still ate school food so this sounds a bit more than just fussiness.

I had arfrid as a child and this was 100% me. It's a sensory condition, so texture, temperature, taste, environment , crockery, presentation can all factor in.

There must be more of an issue than just school lunch if she is loosing so much weight. Does she also refuse breakfast, snacks and tea?
A small portion at lunch could be compensated for by an after school and mid morning snack and a large breakfast and tea.
Does she have any other symptoms?
Has she been tested for Coeliac disease? Does she have autism?

I'm wondering that too. I know of schools that don't allow packed lunches in KS1 because they are free but after year 2 and parents have to pay, I can't see how a state school can force parents to pay for a meal. I suspect the OP won't be back and I think it is probably a private school. In which case my solution would be move the child to another school if this one is so inflexible.

Get a letter from the GP and possibly a referral if you think it might be ARFID.

I would go to the doctor and I’d be asking them for a plan to follow up and a letter to school and I’d send the gps letter an dmy
letter saying my daughter is consistently losing weight in your care, while she won’t if she can have my food. This is impacting her health and her learning, both of which you have a duty of care on while she is at school. We are investigating a variety of conditions, see the gp letter attached and while that goes on I will be sending her with a packed lunch so that she gets some food during the day and her health is not further compromised by attending your school.